Tessitore
One day at a time. Speaker of the Forum

 Gender:  Age: 20 Joined: 17 Nov 2004 Posts: 507 Reviews: 103 Country: Sunnyvale, CA. 300 Points
|
Posted: Mon Oct 08, 2007 8:05 am Post subject: Letters from the Gods |
|
|
I.
This is my letter to the world:
Why are you so cold?
I stand in the rain outside your door
Why don’t you let me come in?
Are you frightened, my dear ones, of me?
Are you scared I offer too much,
And ask so little?
Waiting for a catch.
But, lo, you know the catch!
You know.
Maybe I seek you.
You, oh winter of discontent
With barren trees in you that have long since been stripped of fruit.
I knock at the door softly, but you dare not answer,
To feel warm again, I thought that was what you wanted.
But I can only offer,
You have to reach out and take it.
Are you that afraid of the truth?
II.
And to have such gifts,
You expect to give some great deal,
But I only ask of you this;
Let me in.
Let me fill this dark world with your light,
Not mine.
I am only the paper on which to strike,
Where you are the match.
The fertile soil,
Where you are the seed.
You are as ready for me as mankind can be,
And yet here I stand,
Outside your door,
And I only knock softly.
Can you hear me?
Will you stop screaming and listen?
III.
Resign? Me? Never!
I have way too much fun
Doing what I do.
Maybe once in a great while I am defined
As “evil”,
But where did that word come from,
If not from you,
Or a brother
Those that break down your door,
And tear down your defenses.
You are just frightened of me,
The real me,
And I understand!
If I didn’t, I wouldn’t be me,
Now, would I?
And you do know me,
You know me.
And of course,
Of course,
I know you.
IV.
Your life is
Changing and you
Don’t know why,
The world is
Screaming so
You cry, cry,
Cry.
V.
There is a time in life,
That you wonder;
Wonder what it is going to be like,
When you die.
All I know of this,
Is the best,
And the worst,
I can ever give you.
I will show you the world!
With me,
And without me.
You will then see in all finality,
What could have been.
I will show you your box full of treasures,
And when you wonder why you never had them,
You’ll read the answer
In my eyes.
You had only to ask.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Wrote this as a drawing, actually. In my sketchbook. A spray painted wall, a restaurant napkin, a fortune from a fortune cookie, a 'to do' list... all conglomerated together to make this little diddy here. If I had a scanner, I would scan it and show you, but I don't. Tough luck.
-Tessitore- |
_________________ I'm not even angry... I'm being so sincere right now.
Even though you broke my heart.
And killed me... And tore me to pieces.
And threw every piece into a fire.
-"Still Alive"- GLaDOS |
|
Snoink
Snuggly Writer of Legend

 Gender:  Age: 20 Joined: 02 Apr 2005 Posts: 8437 Reviews: 2105 Country: USA 546 Points
|
Posted: Thu Nov 22, 2007 8:02 am Post subject: |
|
|
Oooooo.... I liked this stanza:
IV.
Your life is
Changing and you
Don’t know why,
The world is
Screaming so
You cry, cry,
Cry.
And I don't even know why. But it's awesome!
Um... I'll probably give this a more thorough critique later. But there's some really nice stuff in there! And I wish I could see the sketch.  |
_________________ Leopluridon '08: He Will Show Us The Way!
"So, Obama calls McCain erratic. Well, I call Obama a squirrel." -- Rush Limbaugh |
|
Azila
sun moon stars rain Speaker of the Forum

 Gender:  Age: 13 Joined: 23 Jul 2007 Posts: 966 Reviews: 501 Country: The Valley of the Wind 319 Points
|
Posted: Sat Nov 24, 2007 6:13 pm Post subject: |
|
|
Wow.
I'm not an expert on poetry, but even I can tell that this is a true gem.
I wish I could see your sketch, but even without seeing it I can imagine it.
My only criticism is that I got a little confused about who "you" is. From the first stanza, I thought it was the world... but then this line in the last stanza "I will show you the world!" confused me. So maybe clarify that a little bit?
You are a truly talented writer! Keep it up and keep posting your stuff on here!!
~Azila~ |
_________________ Want a critique?
"Never bolt your door with a boiled carrot." -Irish proverb. (sounds best if you read it with an Irish brogue) |
|