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Plushoriam Chapter 1
Plushoriam Chapter 1

by Plushoriam in Fantasy Fiction
Young Writers Society Forum Index » Action/Adventure Fiction

This thread was created on November 15, 2007
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Midnight Darkness #6 part four

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PostPosted: Fri Nov 16, 2007 3:38 am    Post subject: Midnight Darkness #6 part four Reply with quote

Good. You are learning. I smirked in the werewolf kind of way. I knew that I had just had a delectable meal, suitable for a king. Why didn’t humans ever just like rip each other apart? Man, that was fun!

Your next goal: Kill a Vampire. I remembered Lacy’s note, telling me that she didn’t know where to find a Vampire. I would have to do some searching, but I would do anything to get that blood again. Anything.

I sniffed, thinking that I would get that bloody smell again, but this time nothing. The woman had run away, and all that was left was some too small to be eaten pieces of flesh from her husband, Tom.

Where was I to find a Vampire? Where?

Even with my super night vision, I could tell that this was going to be hard. Vampires wouldn’t be anywhere close to where I was.

Where was I?

I looked around, licking my blood soaked lips. Yum. My teeth had done a great deal this night, and I was proud of myself. I had done well.

I noticed that the snow was incredibly cold, and I ran around, trying to get warmed up. It didn't really work too well.

My white fur was warm, despite that it repelled heat. My body heat was enough – for now.

I yawned, stretching out my long jaw and snout. My nose had these long snot-icicles hanging from them. I growled and swiped my paws at them, trying to break them off, but my legs – arms? – weren’t long enough.

I grimaced. It was very uncomfortable with those things hanging down.

That was when I heard her. No, not Lacy. This was another woman.

Slowly, I crept over to where the sound originated and stopped. My paws left footprints as I stared at the snow, concentrating on what I was hearing.

Cries. Yes, they were definite cries. Who was crying?

I slowly stuck my snout behind a tree and looked. I saw the woman. You know, I killed her husband. Yeah, that woman.

That was when I realized what I had done. The instant that I had thought that thought, my blood froze over, and my heart seemed to stop.

I had killed a man. The man was human. I had killed a human! Hadn’t I told Payton that I would never kill a human?

It was necessary. What? What are you talking about? I am still human! No you are not. You are becoming more and more of a werewolf just by thinking about killing him. Go on, you know you want to. You know that you want to rip this crying woman apart. No! I would never! Do it. Feast on her. Kill her. You love that feeling. Kill her. Rip her apart like you did to her husband.

I stared at the crying wife, and my heart felt sorrow for her. How could I have been so evil as to kill her husband? That wasn’t like me! Your good side took over. You werewolf side took over.

Yes, I know. What can I do to make you go away? Once a werewolf, always a werewolf.

I shuddered. My chin trembled, and I looked up from my paws. Should I kill her? It would be easier, and there would be no record of living werewolves. Should I do what I know is right? Should I just walk away?

What would Payton do? That is not the question you should be asking. You should ask, “What would Wolfgang do?”

Wolfgang. He was my leader. He would have killed her. I am supposed to follow his council.

Good. Now kill her. Now! Before she escapes.

What would Payton do? He wouldn’t kill her. He would apologize. Do you think this woman would accept your apology after all you have done for her? Kill her now and let this be over!

My heart started beating faster. What should I do? Follow Wolfgang’s orders. He is your leader. Payton is my friend. Wolfgang can kill you just as easily as you can kill this human woman. Kill her now!

I looked at the woman. Her face was pale and drawn, fear drenched her eyes. Her brown pupils flickered here and there, searching for any sign of movement. Any sign of me.

I nodded my head, and stepped out from behind the tree, into the woman’s view. I knew what I had to do.


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Last edited by BigBadBear on Fri Nov 16, 2007 4:53 am; edited 1 time in total
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PostPosted: Fri Nov 16, 2007 4:44 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

wow i loved this chapter! i think it perfectly illustrated the self conflict that is sure to become a big part in this story. i like the way you have arguements between his human side and his werewolf side. be-a- uuutiful! i love the suspense! will he give into his werewolf or his human side? aaaah!! how am i going to wait for the next chapter?!

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PostPosted: Fri Nov 16, 2007 4:47 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

ok, so the first paragraph pretty much grossed me out. good job. Smile

I knew that I had just had a delectable meal, suit for a king. Why didn’t humans ever just like rip each other apart? Man, that was fun!
( i would change "suit for a king." to maybe suitable for a king.)


I noticed that the snow was incredibly cold, and I ran around, trying to get me warmed up. I didn't really work too well
( i would remove "me out of the sentence, it flows nicer. also change "I" to it.)

I yawned, stretching out my long jaw and snout. My nose had these long snot-icicles hanging from them. I growled and swiped my paws at them, trying to break them off, but my legs – arms? – weren’t long enough.
( this is hilarous, i really like it.)

i also liked how you kept the human part in him, his emotions. that was great. now we are left wonder which side will take over.

other then a few spelling errors, this was good, i liked how you ended it. making us want more.

great job bear.

kim
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PostPosted: Fri Nov 16, 2007 4:52 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Thanks, guys. I'll go and change that stuff.

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