Topic ID: 228
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niteowl
I'm an ol' king bee, honey, Epic Novelist

 Gender:  Age: 18 Joined: 28 Nov 2004 Posts: 3896 Reviews: 363 Country: somewhere in America 300 Points
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Posted: Wed Dec 01, 2004 3:38 am Post subject: I Was His Slave |
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He bound and gagged me
Tied me to the chair
Then he walked away
Leaving me in hunger and pain
He ruled me.
I could only eat when he let me,
Drink when he offered water,
Walk when he took me out of the chair
Bound to his wrist when we went out
I could not speak to anyone
Without his permission
If i so much as smiled
and waved to my best friend
It was a federal crime
If he wanted something from me
I had to give it to him
No matter what the price
One day, he handed me a knife
and said "Here, do what you will with it."
I aimed for his heart, and hit it dead-on
No blood gushed out
He didn't fall
He simply smiled his wicked smile and said
"I am immortal,I am all-encompassing.
You cannot wholly escape me
For i can't let you out of my sight
No matter how hard i may try."
I thought a bit, then realized
That sadly,his words were true
So rather than try to kill him again
I cut the ropes binding us
And then I ran.
Halfway 'round the world i ran
On the joy of never seeing him again!
Through city, farm, mountain, even ocean
I neither noticed nor cared where I ran
Every so often, he calls or sends an e-mail
Just to keep in check, he says
And I always answer,whether i want to or not
For as he said,i can't escape
And guess what?
He calls you too.
Maybe you were enslaved once
Or maybe you are and you just can't see
He has infinite names
In every tongue
For if you don't have to be bound to his will
You must be God
Or maybe Satan
Maybe you know him as Fear
Maybe Doubts or Pessimism
To you, he could simply be Shyness
Or perhaps you know him better as Hate
No matter how you see him
Find the knife, and take it
For you shouldn't be that close. |
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Skye
haute couture Speaker of the Forum

 Gender:  Age: 17 Joined: 29 Nov 2004 Posts: 580 Reviews: 145 Country: USA 300 Points
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Posted: Thu Dec 02, 2004 10:38 pm Post subject: |
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This is really good! Dark, with a good message in it.
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No matter how you see him
Find the knife, and take it
For you shouldn't be that close. |
I love this last stanza; it really clicks with the rest of the poem. |
_________________ "A poet in love is best encouraged in both capacities or neither." ~ Jane Austen, Emma. |
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Meshugenah
plays with squirrels Epic Novelist

 Gender:  Age: 19 Joined: 06 Dec 2004 Posts: 2795 Reviews: 343 Country: livermoron, with an "L" on my forehead 331 Points
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Posted: Sat Dec 11, 2004 1:42 am Post subject: |
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| i agree. the overall feel is dark, and somewhat mysterious until the end. the first stanza really grabbed me. i wanted to know who or what was enslaving you. very accurate with human emotionsm as well. the feeling of depsiar, adn a humans instinct to hurt what is hurting them, even if there is a better alterniative (such as cutting the ropes) |
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Crysi
Cold and Fragile Epic Novelist

 Gender:  Age: 19 Joined: 16 Nov 2004 Posts: 4361 Reviews: 572 Country: California Crew, yo. 333 Points
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Posted: Sun Dec 12, 2004 7:42 am Post subject: |
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Excellent!!! Brings tears to my eyes.
I was trying to think of who/what this person might be, and I loved how you left that until the end, giving many possibilities.
Wow. What a poem. Beautifully dark. |
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justadreamer
Novice

Joined: 07 Dec 2004 Posts: 13 Reviews: 11
300 Points
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Posted: Fri Dec 17, 2004 5:28 pm Post subject: |
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| I loved this poem. Especially that it had an underlying message with it. I love it! |
_________________ Samantha Wallace
-Just a dreamer with a dream to dream of |
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Areida
The Warrior Princess Ari Epic Novelist

 Gender:  Age: 19 Joined: 14 Feb 2005 Posts: 4806 Reviews: 698 Country: no, not really. I don't have a hick accent or anything. 0 Points
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Posted: Fri Mar 18, 2005 4:48 am Post subject: |
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| Ooh...very dark and creepy...but good....very good. |
_________________ Got YWS?
"Most of us have far more courage than we ever dreamed we possessed."
- Dale Carnegie |
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nickelpickle
Speaker of the Forum

 Gender:  Age: 17 Joined: 18 Dec 2004 Posts: 600 Reviews: 162 Country: In my only little world 300 Points
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Posted: Mon Mar 21, 2005 1:40 pm Post subject: |
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| Wow. Niteowl, I thought that this was one of your best. An excellent message, perfect flow and great description. Keep writing! |
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ohhewwo
Novelist

 Gender:  Age: 17 Joined: 15 Mar 2005 Posts: 366 Reviews: 148 Country: ...Right behind you!!! 300 Points
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Posted: Mon Mar 21, 2005 8:06 pm Post subject: |
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| Yeah, it really was awesome. Very well put. |
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Duskglimmer
is happy in anywhere but there Epic Novelist

 Gender:  Age: 18 Joined: 22 Dec 2004 Posts: 3153 Reviews: 437 Country: I wish I knew... 323 Points
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Posted: Sun Mar 27, 2005 5:27 am Post subject: |
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I loved it.
I hate posting on someone's work and not being able to give SOMETHING that I thought could have been improved, but I just loved this so much. It's well worded, flows beautifully, and the message is absolutely terrific. How many more compliments can I give this? It was fabulous! |
_________________ The robbed that smiles, steals something from the thief. ~William Shakespeare, Othello
Boo. SPEW is watching. |
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Lollipop
The shizney! Novelist

 Gender:  Age: 17 Joined: 14 Mar 2005 Posts: 442 Reviews: 263 Country: Scotland! 'Mon the Scots! 300 Points
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Posted: Thu Mar 31, 2005 6:20 pm Post subject: |
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I agree with everyone else. It was beatifully written and mysterious and dark and just over all...brilliant. I lved the first stanza too. It makes you want to read on. That's good in a poem.  |
_________________ Way hay!!!! |
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Emma
the wee dafty Epic Novelist

 Gender:  Age: 17 Joined: 25 Jan 2005 Posts: 2653 Reviews: 677 Country: Scotland 300 Points
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Posted: Thu Mar 31, 2005 7:08 pm Post subject: |
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Oh wow its moving... Nice job. |
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