Young Writers Society

A street cuts into our skin
and between our lives. Our memories
hold steady the concrete wall
of cars separating this city
from itself. They can’t see

us except for our shade,
and we can’t speak to them
unless it’s with lead.

We keep to our half
since, “united we conquer.”
The truth is that our spines
are softer than our bullets
and alone, we can’t keep
upright.

I liked this! I wasn't sure about it from the first stanza, but it really captured me about halfway through the second. It was very lyrical, and the flow was quite beautiful.

I loved the last stanza. It really tied things together, and I could actually hear myself humming along to it, which is kind of weird, but I heard it, I really did.

So. Great job, especially for a first piece.

Peace, love, chocolate.

Muffin

Wow, this poem is really thought provoking! I was a bit unclear on what it was about at the beginning, but by the end I understood. I usually don't say this, but the last stanza is my favorite. It's a nice, tidy ending.

They can’t see

us except for our shade,
and we can’t speak to them
unless it’s with lead.

I love the linebreak here, but I just wanted to know - why the word choice of shade? It doesn't really seem to make sense to me in some profound way, as every other word in this poem does - carefully picked and placed.

Beautiful, though. Commemorations, etc