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What Happened
What Happened

by Nolan in Other Poetry
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This thread was created on August 27, 2007
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Harry Potter fanfic: Dumbledore vs. Grindelwald
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PostPosted: Mon Aug 27, 2007 11:32 am    Post subject: Harry Potter fanfic: Dumbledore vs. Grindelwald Reply with quote

The Bearer of the Elder wand

Turbulent thoughts ran through Dumbledore’s head as he strode quickly through the corridors of black marble, but he didn’t let them take him over; he had a task to do. But where was Grindelwald?

There was the sudden sound of an explosion somewhere not far away. So Grindelwald had met the aurors then.

Dumbledore began to walk faster towards the site of the sound, his brain formulating a plan on how he could defeat the bearer of the Elder wand. He knew that Grindelwald possessed it; he had followed the tales of Grindelwald’s deed until he could be sure about it. Dumbledore thought back upon the time when they had been friends, plotting to put the hallows together for the ‘greater good’. What fools they had been.

Shaking himself out of his nostalgia, the blasted open the large wooden door and stepped into the hall. There in the centre was Grindelwald, surrounded by the bodies of the four aurors he had just defeated. Dumbledore could still recognise him after all these years. But the handsome face seemed much colder than it had preciously been.

“Dumbledore,” he said. “My old friend.”

Dumbledore felt a sudden surge of hatred run through him. He fled back to that fateful day; Aberforth was writhing on the floor under the effects of the crutiatus curse, pleading for Dumbledore to help. He had turned on Grindelwald and attacked. Flashes of light and poor little Ariana slumped on the floor; dead. With much difficulty he subdued the emotions raging within him.

“Ah, I see you hate me now Albus,” said Grindelwald.

“No Gellert,” Dumbledore replied using Grindelwald’s first name. “I do not hate you, but neither do I feel any great love for you. You know why I am here. Will you come quietly, or do we have to fight.”

Grindelwald uttered a cruel, cold laugh that echoed throughout the hall.

“Come quietly? Dumbledore, you know I posses the Elder wand. I am invincible!”

“No Gellert, the wand has heightened your powers greatly, but you are not invincible as I am forced to show you.”

With a flick of his wand a bright silver jet flew straight at Grindelwald. With a smile Grindelwald replied with red lightning which struck the silver jet. For minutes, both of the great wizards clasped their wands tightly in the hands as their spells tore at each other, flickering bolts of magical energy around the hall, tearing off chucks of marble. Eventually, their attacks tore each other apart, causing a lull in the fighting.

“As you can see, not invincible,” said Dumbledore as they both stood panting.

“Dumbledore, remember the greater good? We have the Elder wand; we can find the others and conquer death. You can see your family again. All you have to do is join me.” There was fear in Grindelwald’s eyes as he spoke. He knew he had met his match.

“No Gellert. The magical world pleaded with me for years to confront you, but my fears held me back. All the while you killed and killed. If I were to find the resurrection stone, I would have to bring back the people you killed while I didn’t oppose you before I could see my family again. And I would die before such a feat was complete so it would be all for naught. No Gellert; I must end you, not join you.”

“You know Dumbledore, I am sorry that Ariana died. I never meant for such a thing to happen.”

“It is good to know that.”

Both wizards prepared to fight again, but this time they did it with heavy weights which had come down on them many years ago lifted off their shoulders. Once again their spells locked and tore the hall apart.

A large chunk of marble came crashing down near Grindelwald and several small pieces broke off on the impact; one of which struck him on the head, stunning him. Dumbledore took advantage and disarmed Grindelwald, catching his wand as it came spinning towards him. He felt a strange trill of power as the wand recognised a new owner and gazed upon the dark wizard that had once been his best friend.

Grindelwald was defeated.


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PostPosted: Mon Aug 27, 2007 6:54 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Wow -- intense! Very good action scenes! Kept me on the edge of my seat. Caught a couple of typos, and a couple of issues, but otherwise this was pretty good.

Quote:
...corridors of black marble, but he didn’t let them take him over; he had a task to do. But where was Grindelwald?


Perhaps you should get rid of one of them?

Quote:
tearing off chucks of marble.


Chunks

Quote:
If I were to find the resurrection stone, I would have to bring back the people you killed while I didn’t oppose you before I could see my family again.


That sentence is hard to follow. Maybe I'm just having a brain fart, but I think you should add a period somewhere in there.

Quote:
If I were to find the resurrection stone, I would have to bring back the people you killed while I didn’t oppose you before. I could see my family again.


Maybe? Very Happy

Hey, whatever works for you. I'm just the reader. Wink

Quote:
He felt a strange trill of power as the wand recognised a new owner and gazed upon the dark wizard that had once been his best friend.


Thrill?

That's all I caught. Nit-picking over with. I've been waiting for somone to post how they thought the battle between Grindelwald and Dumbledore went. Thanks for posting this. It was a good read. Very Happy

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PostPosted: Mon Aug 27, 2007 7:16 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Dreamer, the period thing is a no-no, that makes it seem the opposite of what was being conveyed, which was that he'd have to bring everyone else back before he brought his family back.

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PostPosted: Tue Aug 28, 2007 6:25 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Thanks for the crits. Smile

I was going by what Rita Skeeter said (I hate the woman but she turned out to be right). She said that Dumbledore's and Grindelwald's suel wasn't all that great. I had to make sure that it wasn't pedel-to-the-metal on the edge-of-your-seat, blow-up-the-world magic. And then I remembered that at the end of DH, Grindelwald tried to stop Voldemort getting the wand and Dunbledore said that he seemed to show remorse after his defeat.

Glad you liked it.

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PostPosted: Sat Sep 08, 2007 11:13 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

This was pretty good, and as a fan of the harry potter series, I like to read this kind of stuff. However, other than the mistakes already pointed out, There are numerous typos and grammatical errors. you need to run through this a few times and try to pick out some of the places, such as when you are missing a question mark, which happens a few times.  Also, though I liked the imagery and descriptions you have, you need to straighten out the dialogue.  It felt unrealistic and it was also kind of distracting from what is happening in the story.  I would also suggest that you rearrange some of the sentences so that they sound better.

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PostPosted: Mon Apr 28, 2008 5:12 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Quote:
Will you come quietly, or do we have to fight.”


That should be a question mark at the end, not a period.

Other than that, it was good! It was kinda sparse on details, but I rushed through the story cause I don't have much time. Good job, though. Dumbledore's got the scary-silent-anger thing going on. VERY creepy. Very Happy

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PostPosted: Tue Apr 29, 2008 9:38 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Quote:
He felt a strange trill of power as the wand recognised a new owner and...

I actually think 'trill' works well enough here.

Great job. Very action filled, and your descriptions were good as well.

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PostPosted: Wed May 14, 2008 7:37 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Quote:
This was pretty good, and as a fan of the harry potter series, I like to read this kind of stuff. However, other than the mistakes already pointed out, There are numerous typos and grammatical errors. you need to run through this a few times and try to pick out some of the places, such as when you are missing a question mark, which happens a few times. Also, though I liked the imagery and descriptions you have, you need to straighten out the dialogue. It felt unrealistic and it was also kind of distracting from what is happening in the story. I would also suggest that you rearrange some of the sentences so that they sound better.
i agree other than that it was very intresting and engaging. good work.

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PostPosted: Wed May 14, 2008 8:44 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

That was very intresting. You may wish to write more. But I think you should listen to the others. then write more. If not, then there is no use for me to be typing this. is there?
trust me,
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This thread was created on August 27, 2007

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