iQuippie
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Novelist
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Age: 15
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 Posted: Fri Aug 24, 2007 12:05 am Post subject: Lolly & Ollie's Quest for Cereal |
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The following is a script my friend and I wrote together in 5th grade. I think we wrote it because we were deprived of... fun...ness... Sorry for any gramatical errors. You don't care much about grammar when you're writing something for fun, with your friend who also doesn't care much about grammar. When I copied & pasted this from an old Word document on my computer, I was too lazy to fix the grammar. Again, I apologize, and hope it's still readable.
Lolly and Ollie's Quest for Cereal
By Olivia & Lauren
O=Ollie
L=Lolly
G=gnome
W=wolfie
T=Trudy the judge
S=secretary/ Mrs. Wolf
MM= Muffin Man
U= unimportant person (just a dude/ dudette on the street)
C= Jackie Chan
NARRATOR In your lifetime, you may be forced to protect your friends and family...and your much more coveted cereal. The preferred is Frosted Flakes and our flakes are to be frosted individually, Jeeves! You know we've given you a chance, don't mess it up or you're FIRED! Anyway, here is a clip on how we were able to save our coveted cereal...
O~Look a serial killer!
L~We must protect our Kellogg's!
O~To the cereal bowl!
L~Oh No! My Frosted Flakes have been... oh, it's too horrible to speak of! And...sigh...there's a chunk taken out of the bowl.
O~I know who did it! It was the ceramic garden gnome! He's the only one in this dimension who eats cereal bowls! To the garden!
(the two take the gnome into an interrogation room)
L~ All right Herman! Spit it out! We know you ate our much-coveted cereal!
G~ It's Billy. And I didn't take your breakfast cereal.
L & O together ~ oh, come on! We know you did!
G~ But I have proof!
L~ proof?! (Quietly) this isn't in the script!
O~ um, yeah. It is. we added it when you were in the hospital. You know, after you were run over by that maniacal muffin man driving the onion truck.
L~ you did?
O~yes.
L~ um, you're s'posed to consult me before you change the script, remember? We had a signed agreement.
O~ I thought there was some kind of loophole in there that said something about muffin men driving any sort of vegetable truck and hitting one of us... Or something.
L~ you just made that up!
O~ well yeah, but isn't there something in said signed agreement about changing or adding stuff in the signed agreement?
L~ um... No. I don't think-
G~ ehem! I wouldn't want to be a burden in any way, but weren't you just interrogating me?
O&L~ STAY OUT OF THIS, HARRY!!!!!
G~ I'm not Harry, I'm-
O&L~ WE DON'T REALLY CARE WHAT YOUR NAME IS GNOME!
O~ So, Tony-
G~(madly) IT'S BILLY!!!!
O~ Whatever. George, Billy, John. It's all the same. We know you're a cannibal!
G~ so? I have the right to be a cannibal! I can eat whatever I want.
L~ Well, yeah. But you still didn't have the right to eat my-
O~ our
L~ Our cereal!
G~ I told you, I didn't eat your cereal! I have unquestionable proof!
O~ ok, gnome. We'll play your little game. But make it quick. Our show's on in ten minutes.
G~ do you know the muffin man?
O~ The muffin man?
L~ The muffin man!
G~ well she's married to the muffin man!
L~ The muffin man?
G~THE MUFFIN MAN!!!
O~ oh...
G~ But they've been divorced for quite some time now...
L~ Who is she with?
G~ That wrapper The Big Bad Wolf
O~ oh you mean that famous singer?
G~ no, he works at Santa's joint wrapping gifts
L~ Ok To the North Pole
O~ You're off the hook Johnny.
G~ITS BILLY
O~ Sure it is...BOB
L~ so how do we get to this so-called "North Pole"?
G~ you go north, until you hit freezing temperatures. Then you take a left a the pole sticking up that looks like an old barbershop pole. You should see a big aluminum building to your right. Go that way. Inside the building, there are a lot of workers. So you're gonna have to talk to Santa's secretary. She'll direct you to Mr. Wolf's office.
O~ Thanks Joe.
G~ It's ... Never mind.
O~ that's what I thought, Tim.
L~ TO THE NORTH POLE!!
G~ good luck.
O~ Thanks again Margaret.
L~ Let's go!
(later, at the North Pole.)
O~Look! It's that big metal building Robert was talking about! (points toward the building.)
L~ um, I think his name was-
O~ Oh, yeah! I remember! I can't believe I kept calling him the wrong name! It was Stewart! Ok, Stewart. I won't call you by another incorrect name again!
L~ (starts to say something, sighs, then rolls eyes.) Let's just go see the building's secretary.
(inside, after a long wait in line, the two get to talk to the secretary)
O~ Excuse me miss...
S~ Wolf. Mrs. Annabel Wolf.
L~ Wolf, as in Big and Bad Wolf?
S~ So you've heard of my husband?
O~ We hear he cooks a mean enchilada.
L~ What?! No Ollie. That was the burrito dude down the street. My cousin Lucy told me about him, and I told you, remember? You know, you should really get that whole memory thing checked.
O~ Yeah, I get that a lot. Henry told me that right before we left.
L~ who? Ollie it's Billy.
O~ Who? What were we talking about?
S~ I don't mean to interrupt at all, but as Santa Claus's prime secretary, I'm obliged to keep the line moving. So if you could just let me know what you need...
L~ I'm so sorry. We need to see Mr. Wolf.
S~ If you're looking for an autograph, I have some signed pictures right here. For whatever reason, people often mistake him for-
O~ A Spanish dancer? Miss teen-USA? A grocery store's mascot such as a disco chicken or striped Bengal tiger?
S~ a famous singer.
L~ That's exactly what I thought when Billy was telling me about him.
S~ Billy?! You mean that cannibal garden gnome? He frames people you know! Whatever he told you, it's a lie! He's framed my husband one too many times!
L~ I'm sorry, Ma'am. We won't jump to conclusions, but we're gonna need to talk to him.
S~ fine. Let me just ask you, what did that gnome tell you this time?
L- He said that Mr. Wolf committed the terrible crime of... ( Gasps ) oh its so disgusting.
O- Kelly said that Wolfy ate OUR cereal, bowl and all.
S- who's this Kelly fellow she's talking about? (to Lolly)
L- Billy.
S-oh. Well, I'll take you two to Mr. Wolf, But I'm telling you, he didn't do it.
(they go into a huge room with a lot of workers working on assembly lines with lots of toys and stuff. Annabel takes them to the Big Bad Wolf.)
S~ (to Wolf) Hey, Wolfie! These kids claim a certain little garden gnome told them you took their cereal and ate the bowl, too.
W~ Is that so?
O~ well, Henrietta told me and Lolly here that a big, bad wolf ate our cereal/bowl, and you're the only one around, so I guess that it is so.
W~ Look, I know that you, and a lot of other people-at least the ones who don't have me mistaken for a famous singer-truly believe that I'm still all big and bad and mean and cruel and evil and rude and selfish and cannibalistic and dishonest and untrustworthy and-
S~ um, honey, not to be rude, but you seem to be getting carried away again.
O~ carried away?! Oh he was way past that! I mean come on!
L~ I do believe "babbling on like a wacky maniac driven insane by twenty liters of Mountain Dew" would be the right terms to put his speaking in.
O~ yep. That's the genius way to put it.
W&S~(look at the two menacingly)
O&L~WHAT?!
W~ anyway. I was just saying, I'm not all big and bad anymore. What would a big, bad wolf be doing working for Santa, anyway? I prefer the Calm and Mellow Wolf.
O~ well we prefer having our frosted flakes!
L~ Calm down Ollie. I'm sure Mr. Wolf has an idea of who it could have been.(they look at Mr. Wolf)
W~ I sure do! I have perfect reason to believe that it was... Billy!
O~ who's Billy?
L~(sigh. Put hand over face. Then looks up, talks to the other 2.) But we've already talked to B- the garden gnome.
W~ maybe I can come down and talk to him.
L~ we only want justice.
O~ Not me! I want cereal!
L~ Well then, let's go.
(Wolfie, Ollie, and Lolly go back home)
W~ gnome. (glances at gnome)
G~ Wolfie. (glances at wolf)
L~ wow. This is...um...
O~ nice? Fun? Cool? Sweet? Awesome? Gnome court? Wolf court?
L~ I was going for awkward, but those last two really say it all, too.
O~ I know. I really have a knack for picking the perfect words for stuff.
L~ um, sure.
O~ so Alfred, Wolfie here says he didn't do it. What's up with that?
G~This wolf is a lying liar.
L~I believe the proper way to settle this would be to-
O~ OH I LOVE THIS GAME!! Let's see... Have a dance off? Knit a small hat out of yarn? Go to a fancy hotel only to destroy the room, run around, and disturb the other guests? Draw faces on an orange?
L~NO!!!!!!! Time's up. Sorry, you didn't guess the right answer in time. I was gonna say, we need to have... A true blue courtroom scene!
O~this sounds exciting!
L~Ollie go get your dentally challenged granny's old gray curly judge-looking wig! And get someone to wear it. Someone besides your grandma, cuz she's too... Forgetful, and stuff. I'll go get my Law and Order soundtrack!
(they go to get the stuff. Later they come back with the stuff. The judge's name is Trudy.)
T~ okay people! Settle down! We are here today to have a bowl of justice!
O~ I thought we were having cereal.
T~I will have no more of that! No more outbursts, please.
L~ you know, you're the one working for us.
T~ whatever. Let court begin now! Miss Lolly Gift, will you please explain to me in the finest detail what this case is all about.
L~ Your honor, I will try to describe the horrible crime to the best of my ability. My colleague and I love Frosted Flakes, you see. I know you must have something you love more than anything else in the entire world. Well, that was taken from me one morning, actually this morning. Ollie thought it might have been the garden gnome who lived in the shady spot in our yard, so we went to talk to him. He said that it wasn't him who had taken our much-coveted cereal, but the wolf who works for Santa, wrapping gifts and such. We talked to him and his wife up at the North Pole. Nice place. Cold though. Anyway, Annabel, Mr. Wolf's wife, said that the garden gnome, Mr. Billy, had framed Mr. Wolf several times in the past. So Mr. Wolf came down to talk to Mr. Billy which resulted in this courtroom scenario.
T~ I see. Mr. Wolf, where is your wife at this time?
W~ My wife is at work, at the North Pole.
L~ a likely story. I think Mrs. Wolf and Mr. Wolf are in it together!
W~ what?! why ever would you say that?
O~ Oh! I know! Your wife was acting extremely jumpy and suspicious at the North Pole. She was so nervous at the mention of the garden gnome, that she practically drowned in her own sweat! She did say that Mr. Hannah-
L~ Billy.
O~ Sarah framed Mr. Wolf in the past.
T~ is this true, Mr. Billy?
G~ No your honor.
T~ okay. So Mr. Wolf, why did you say that Mr. Billy-
O~SERIOSLY, WHO IS BILLY?!
T~ framed you?
W~ My wife was the one who said it. I meant to tell you, she lied. I guess it just slipped my mind.
T~ How could you just let this substantial piece of evidence just slip your mind?!
W~ I forgot.
T~ oh.
L~ do you think it would be possible, then, that Mrs. Wolf could have been the culprit?
T~ I think so. TO THE NORTH POLE!
(so all of them go 2 the North Pole. They spy on Mrs. Wolf. They see her talking to none other than... THE MUFFIN MAN!)
L~ look! It's the muffin man!
O~The Muffin Man?
G~The muffin man!
w~ Doesn't he belong, like on Dreary Lane, or something?
L~ exactly.
O~ you think she's working with him?
W~ yup.
O~ If my memory serves me right, that's the very same muffin man that tried to kill you. He ran you over in that onion truck.
L~Oh my gosh! I know what happened! They're working together to get rid of us. When Mrs. Wolf heard that the accident plan didn't work, she took our cereal away. She thought that she could get rid of us that way: death by loss of cereal.
O~ That's a stupid plan. Even I know you can't kill someone by taking away their cereal.
L~ let me finish. They didn't expect us to starve. They expected us 2 sue Mr. Billy for a ton of money. We would have lost all of our money on lawyers and stuff. We would have to go and live on the street.
O~That has got to be the stupidest plan ever!
L~They think too hard.
L~Now we must expose them for the villains that they are.
O~but we'll need back up.
L~Do you know what I'm thinking?
O~YES... At least I think I do
L~Let's call-
O~Miss America!!!
L~no lets call-
O~Ghost Busters!!!
L~ NO... What I was about to say was!-
O~ Jackie Chan!!!
L~ NO.. I mean yes...whew... I think I just broke a sweat....
O~(singing annoyingly) I GOT IT RIGHT!! I GOT IT RRIGHT!
L~Do you know his # ?
O~ Just cuz I knew his cousin's brother's stepsister's ex college roommate's gym teacher's wife, doesn't mean I still know his number
L~ Are you sure you sure you don't know it by heart ?
O~ yep
L~ absolutely sure?
O~ no. its....248-565-9098
L~ Ok lets call him
(number being dialed on cell phone)
L~ Hello?
(Chinese blabbering)
O~I hope u know Chinese...
L~ shhhhh... I was wondering if we could have Jackie Chan complete a special task 4 us. Yes I would like him to come armed to Santa's Workshop as soon as possible....
L~ Yes thank you very much....Bye.
O~ Why do we need Jackie Chan? We can take that stupid muffin man on our own cant we?
L~ Yeah but it would make the movie much cooler plus it will attract Chinese people.
O~ oh ok...LETS DO THIS!!!!!
(a large car pulls in by the workshop. Chan comes to the door, doorbell rings.)
O~ I'm coming! All right! All right!
C~ I'm here to-
O~ No we don't want any of your stupid Girl Scout cookies!
(Slams door)
L~What was that for?
O~ It was just a stupid girl scout trying to sell to us.
L~THAT WAS JACKIE CHAN!!!
O~Oh... Then why was he wearing a skirt?
L~HE WASNT!!!
O~ oh... I see.... Kinda.
L~ (opens the door.) great! He's gone. Now we're gonna have to kick muffin butt by ourselves!
O~ sorry. I coulda sworn he was wearing a skirt.
L~- sigh- Well, I guess we could just... Sigh- work with someone else.
O~ like Samantha, that garden gnome?
L~ I was thinking more along the lines of big, bad... Or like calm and mellow, now, I guess.
O~ I vote Susan!
L~ Billy.
O~so you agree with me?
L~ uh, no.
O~ yes? No? Make up your mind!
L~Never mind
O~Oh so you're just gonna quit
L~ I don't even know anymore, Ollie.
O~ Lolly, are you giving up on me?
L~ well...
O~ Don't u want 2 bust those crooks?
L~ yeah...
O~ you love your cereal. You have 2 stand up for it. It can't stand on it's own!
L~OKAY! OKAY ALREADY! I'll help you! Just don't talk about my cereal.
O~ I won't.
L~ I loved that cereal like it was my own flakes and milk.
O~I know Lolly.
L~ alright, let's go kick some dough!
O~(to the gnome) okay gnome. On three, you jump out and put a bag on his head! Lolly you tie up his legs with ribbon!
L~Where am I going to get ribbon?
O~we're in Santa's joint silly!
L~ Oh yeah.
O~ LET'S GO!!
(The two don't move)
((Akward Silence))
L~ …You didn't say three.
O~ What? What's a three?
G~ That was our signal, Lolly! GO!
(The two attack the muffin man and take him to their interrogation room.)
O~ Alright Muffin Man…
L~ We have some questions to ask you.
O~ Like what did you do with our cereal?!
MM~ I gave it to the peach! Cause she's got hair… and a spoon.
O~ How DARE you give away our cereal! And to a fruit!!
L~ Calm down, Ollie…
O~ I will NOT calm down! An injustice has occurred and I will not stand for this!
(Ollie kicks the chair the Muffin Man is sitting on. The muffin Man's hat falls off, and inside the hat is…)
L~ OUR FROSTED FLAKES!!
O~ So you DIDN'T give them to the peach!?
MM~ Wha- um… how did that get in there…?
G~ I think you owe these girls some cereal, Muffin Man.
MM~ Maybe that would be fair… but I don't roll that way!
O~ But… but… our cereal…
G~ You'll get your cereal, Ollie. Muffin Man, if you don't replace those Frosted Flakes, I'll tell the world your real name!!
MM~ No! Not that! Anything but that!! You wouldn't dare…
G~ Oh, but I would… Muffy!!
**Gasps from everyone in room**
MM~ Alright Billy-
O~ Who's Billy?!?!?!
MM~ You can have your precious cereal Lolly and Ollie, but only if it's on sale.
(they all go to the store, and the cereal is on sale.)
MM~ There you go, girls. One fresh box of Cheerios.
L & O~ CHEERIOS?!?!?!?!
O~ NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
MM~ what?
L~ We want Frosted Flakes!!
MM~ Fine, picky, picky… Here, here's your Frosted Flakes.
O~ Thanks Muffy!
U~ Muffy? Isn't that a girl's name? OMG, MUFFIN MAN? YOU'RE MUFFY?!?!?!?
MM~ ummm…
(the press comes to the store to cover a cheese scandal story, but instead, they find questioning citizens gathered around the Muffin Man- aka Muffy- demanding the truth. This story is covered on a special worldwide broadcast of We Knew The News Before You Knew The News So We're Letting You Know What's New.)
((Lolly and Ollie sit watching the show, eating Frosted Flakes.))
L~ (shaking head) I hope that muffin man learned something.
O~ Yeah, a winner never steals, and a thief never gets his cereal and eats it too.
L~ Exactly.
And that's how we came to acquire an English accent… err… Frosted Flakes. (They're more than good, they're GRRRRRRRRREAT!!) |
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You're insulted, you can't be bought or sold;
Translation: offer too low. |
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But one should still format their script in the right way! You might want to do some research on that.
), it's way to random, even for a comedy
