Topic ID: 16868
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PsychicNinja
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 Posted: Tue Jun 05, 2007 8:02 pm Post subject: The Intergalactic War Series: Rise of the Rebellion |
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Okay, I think I posted it right now.
Note: This galaxy has had contact with the Star Wars galaxy.
THE INTERGALACTIC WAR
SERIES:
BOOK 1: RISE OF THE REBELLION
Prologue
Fear. That is an understatement of what the Dark Empire could cause on some planets. About a month ago, the two emperors, one on the Omega Republic capital of Galeon and one on the Alpha Republic capital of Asmacore, took control of both of the Republics. Using their dark influence, they conquered the galaxy with one swift stroke. The Senates and Congresses are just a congregation of squabbling delegates now. No real democratic body is in function.
Assuming control, the Emperors needed an army, so secretly, they built a droid army, only unleashing them a few days after they took over. With the droid armies came tons of weapons, starships, and technology able to control many planets. The Emperors said that the droid armies were there to enforce the law.
Two unlikely heroes were able to foresee the inevitable takeover of the Republics. Knowing this, they created a clone army. This clone army was complete with weapons, starships, and technology, somewhat matching the droid army. |
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PerforatedxHearts
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| Posted: Wed Jun 06, 2007 2:12 am Post subject: |
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Hm. It'd be nice if you actually posted an actual story....?
Also, I'm not sure whether you meant it to be or not, but the prologue seems more of a synopsis or a beginning's summary rather than a story. Whether you intended to do this or not...well, I think it should be more interesting.
Also, If it has any affiliation with Star Wars, then I think it belongs with fanfiction more rather than science fiction.
Please don't call this a book when you barely have anything posted here.
--Serena |
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oregongirl
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| Posted: Wed Jun 06, 2007 6:52 pm Post subject: |
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OMG! Hey PN! I am looking sooo forward to reading the story! It sounds so awesome! Well I can't wait to hear the rest!
Love ya,
ML,
Oregongirl |
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damned_bullet93
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| Posted: Thu Jun 07, 2007 2:42 am Post subject: |
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| Ninja-san, nice plot! The prologue reminds me of the intro in starwars! lol! I'll keep in touch with this one! Hey, porferatorxhearts-chan, you love avril lavigne do you? lol. |
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Meep
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| Posted: Fri Jun 08, 2007 12:49 am Post subject: |
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| To be honest, this sounds exactly like Star Wars, and not in a good way. That sounds really awful, but it's true. Everything you posted can be traced directly back to Star Wars, but with different names (sometimes with the same names)! Of course, intergalatic wars have a lot of possibility, but this just sounds like all of the Star Wars movie ideas crammed into one. |
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| Posted: Fri Jun 08, 2007 5:21 pm Post subject: |
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| Moved to fan fiction by PsychicNija's request... |
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biancarayne
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| Posted: Fri Jun 08, 2007 5:23 pm Post subject: |
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| This does sound kinda like more of a summary than a prologue to me...but it does sound very interesting! the thing about stuff like this is that star wars IS so big that when people hear about things like intergalactic wars and stuff they automatically want to start comparing it to star wars...so of course you're gonna have to be sure that this is completely unique and put your own stamp on it...but anyways, definitely good! |
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JabberHut
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| Posted: Thu Jun 14, 2007 6:21 pm Post subject: |
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Very nice! I liked it. Knowing Star Wars and how they do the summary in the beginning, i think the prologue works wonderfully. Because this galaxy had contact with Star Wars, I'm not at all worried you'll do wonders with this. I look forward to some more. A prologue doesn't always tell the story, you need the story for that! lol. keep it up!
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TL G-Wooster
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| Posted: Sat Jun 16, 2007 10:20 pm Post subject: |
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| Nice n mysterious! Suspense and all. |
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| Posted: Mon Jun 25, 2007 3:17 am Post subject: |
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Info dump.
If it were the beginning of a Star Wars story, I'd have little problem with it. However, it's the prologue of a story.
Info dumps are, generally speaking, rather poor authorship. Go with an actual scene, rather than an info dump. Maybe a scene involving the Senate, to show that they are indeed useless. Maybe they reveal that Droids have been spotted somewhere. Whatever you think of. Just...don't info dump. It's unprofessional.
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Lindsaroo
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| Posted: Fri Jul 06, 2007 7:52 pm Post subject: |
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Hmm...sounds like a good idea. hehe Star Wars...I like how you started it out with "Fear.That is an understatement of what the Dark Empire could cause on some planets."
I think that's a great starting line. It looks like it could be real good. Just lay it out right and this'll be a great story.
Keep it up!
Lots O' Luv,
Lindsay |
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Kitty15
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| Posted: Wed Jul 18, 2007 8:13 pm Post subject: |
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| There's a lot of information in such a short prologue and so many new names but that's okay because a lot of science fiction is like that. I know very little of star wars to be honest so I don't know if there are any similarities between the two stories but I do know that I like this. I'm intrigued. I love the idea of a clone army and my only suggestion is that you expand this. I'd like to see a longer prologue with perhaps a touch more description? A nice start though and I shall certainly read the first chapter... |
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the-candyman
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| Posted: Mon Aug 20, 2007 5:58 pm Post subject: |
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great story line. I cant wait to read it.  |
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