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Your pain
Your pain

by Moonglowe in Other Poetry
Young Writers Society Forum Index » Fantasy Fiction

This thread was created on June 22, 2007
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Chasing Rainbows Chapter 18

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PostPosted: Fri Jun 22, 2007 6:52 am    Post subject: Chasing Rainbows Chapter 18 Reply with quote

Chapter 18

Eolen finally spoke in the deafening quiet, “Your days are numbered Jared, if you harm Tea anymore you may regret it later!”

Jared smirked staring at the ceiling and rolling his eyes, “She’s a girl, and only way she could affect me is through you.”

Tea gritted her teeth livid, “Tell that to your pride Jared! Sure hurt didn’t it?”

Eolen stared at her in horror, was this really the girl he wanted to be with all his life? He thought.

Jared looked like he swallowed a very strong sweet when he looked a her, “You bitch! You and you’re useless lover is a cad, I’ll deal with all you later and to make sure you don’t escape I’m locking the main door, no one gets out or in until I’m back.” Jared shouted his face furious; he then turned around to leave.

Tea nodded while Eolen began to draw a short sword, “A cad who’ll slit your throat.” He replied aggressively.

Jared turned round and laughed, “Eolen I’m trained in swordsmanship, so if you’ve any brains then drop the sword!”

Eolen frowned gripping the hilt so hard and shaking, Jared stared at him patronisingly. Eolen sighed and dropped the sword with a loud clatter. Jared sneered, “Good stay alive so you can be with your slut!”

Eolen bent down to pick up his sword as he saw Jared leave, Tea collapsed in a pathetic slump her legs lengthy legs exposed, he ignored this and bent down to see her eyes once again crying, “Why did I have to be hungry, we could of left if I’d not been hungry.”

Eolen shook his head and sat by her holding her close she wrapped her arm around him and he patted her back lightly, “Tea trust me it’s not your fault!”

Tea smiled sadly tears still pouring from her eyes, “Guess we were just never to be, for Jared will kill you just like he killed everything I loved, poor Father, Mother and Alexzander all didn’t deserve to die!”

Eolen stopped stroking her hair tenderly and blinked, “What did you say?!”

Tea sighed obviously feeling a bit annoyed “I’m pouring my heart out here for you listen - I loved, poor Father, Mother and Alex all didn’t deserve to die!”

Eolen sat back, “Hmm… I may have heard something Tea, but I don’t want to get your hopes up.”

Tea shot up looking at him shocked, “What! But they’re all dead.”

Eolen leant back up sighing helplessly, “Well if I say I may give you false hope, I can’t be sure Tea.”

Tea shrugged, “If it’s the only false hope I can get, then so be it…”

Eolen fell silent and brushed his ginger hair out his light green eyes, “Tea, it’s not false hope and you’ve got more than…”

Tea leant over as he spoke an kissed him tenderly her eyes awash with tears, “Eolen tell me… I want to know.”

Eolen look at her uneasily, “Alexzander is alive.”

Tea shook her head, “No he’s dead. He’s dead!” her voice growing shrill her eyes fixed determinedly. She folded her arms crossly to accentuate her anger.

Eolen nodded his head, “He isn’t. You see I was told by Jared, to find and kill him with Jacob…”

She blinked, “What…? But… erm… Alexzander… but he’s dead!”

Eolen groaned getting impatient, “Prove it!”

She began to open her mouth in protest, then stopped as she realized, “But Jared…”

He nodded, “Yes Jared, I’m pretty sure you can’t trust any of what he says.”

Tea nodded, “Is my Mother still alive?”

Eolen sighed earnestly, “Tea I only know Alexzander is definitely alive.”

She shook her head still denying, “But he can’t be, if he was…”

Eolen closed his arms around her as she wept, “Promise me Eolen, that until Jared kills you, you never leave my side.”

He nodded tears coming into his own eyes, “I promise.”

Tea put her hands on her head as a sudden dizziness hit her, Jared wouldn’t care if she was ill. He’d still use her. Eolen looked at her concerned. She smiled desperately, “It’s nothing.”

He nodded frowning and embraced her.

**************

Jared knocked at the corrupt old man door; his plan was simple pay off all his guards then slit the bastard throat, ending the scum life for good. He rapped on the door hard. Raed’s doorman answered, he smiled good naturedly and bowed, “Master Lyons, come in… come in, and wait in the parlour.” He let Jared in, speaking in a polite clipped tone, directing him to a large room with room-sized windows a fireplace a fine collection of artefacts and ornaments. He closed the door bowing once again before he left.

Jared aimed for a large armchair and sat down taking in the fire heat, watching the dancing flames mesmerizing him. He felt a book next to him; Jared never read anymore, he’d read lots when growing up. Only reason being he had vowed to be smarter than his weak father who was a people person - wanted to do the best for them. The idiot never expected ignoring his son would cost him his life. The Lyon family would gain back the fear it instilled in others. His father was a mistake within the family a woman who had morals instilled in the baby who was his father. What a shame his Mother never got to see her boy all grown up. Such a shame. She died seeing him after her pregnancy. Then he got the sweet senile nanny, now that was fun, making her believe he was an angel.

He looked at the book, it was a hardback with coloured a drab pale-ish royal blue. The title was some famous work of this time, a tale of princess, where villains died. Yeh like that’d ever happen in reality, he’d been like this for a while and had not once slipped up. A sly smile slid across his lips.

The door swung open, in walked a guard and he bowed automatically then continued, “Master Desiray is sorry for the delay, he offers you the chance of a drink or a meal.”

Jared shook his head and slid out a money pouch, guard looked interested then looked away. Jared smiled suggestively, jiggling the pouch enough to hear the coins shake. The guard frowned uneasily, staying his ground; he coughed idly, “How much would be inside that pouch?”

Jared grinned, laughing in his head, Raed should get men that are more loyal, “None of your concern, I offer you fifty to look the other way while I do something.” To make the man more willing he shook the bag once more.

The man held his hand out, Jared smiled, but to his alarm, he pulled back the hand, “I can’t be bought.”

Jared groaned, then an idea hit him he pulled out another pouch. The guard’s eyes widened, “A Hundred and fifty?”

The guard looked over his shoulder confirming no one saw the exchange, then gladly took the pouch. Jared smiled warningly, “You will see nothing that happens today.”

The guard nodded and walked out concealing the pouch in his jacket. That was Raed main bodyguard dealt with.

Jared sat back down crossing his leg over knee. Now to wait for the man who would learn that Jared Lyons wasn’t to be humiliated. He sat boredly the fire beginning to burn out. If Raed had any sense, he’d flog the servants for allowing that. A young petite maid looking no older than sixteen rushed about bowing rather quickly and attending to the fire her long hair messed up and covered with grime. She was soon piling on the logs.

Jared stood up and suggested rather menacingly, “You’d let a old man freeze.”

She turned round shaking, “I’m sorry sir, I was on my break, I didn’t know the time. Please don’t hurt me…” Her eyes grew wet.

Jared smiled walking over to her defiant but fearful form, “Please Mr Lyons, I’m sorry for being late, please, not that.” She continued a little confidence in her voice, “I won’t do it!”

Jared put a finger to his lips, “Cassandra you know I don’t like being made to wait.”

She backed closer to the fire clearly petrified but still defiant, “I’ll tell someone, I can’t let you do this, you’re not a man you’re a monster.” The servant girl retorted rather bravely.

Cassandra you forget, “You’re a lowly servant I’m a established politician who will they listen too?”

She squeaked in shock, “But… this can’t be legal, I’m not your whore!”

Jared smirked, stepping closer, his fingers dancing eagerly in the air, “Your no whore I know, you’re my lover.”

She sniffled, “No I only did it once I didn’t want it anymore, you were just handsome, but now I know your nothing but a snake, a fucking snake.” By the end, the edge in her voice was heavily aggressive.

She stood up and breezed pass him, “Freeze to death for all I care.”

Jared stood there, no girl had ever got away from him, and this wasn’t supposed to happen. He growled, “Don’t think I’m done with you Cassandra.”

Raed stood at the door on the other side of the room. His glasses resting on the bridge of his nose his auburn hair tied loosely his expression incomprehensible with his beard. “My servants are not to be treated to your service, I’d be happy if you didn’t perform such acts here.”

Jared froze, “She left the fire to burn out.” He exclaimed.

Raed raised an eyebrow shrewdly, “Really, hmm you may treat your servants specially, but I Raed Desiray, treat my servants with uptmost respect. So never let me hear her tell such stories again.”

Jared looked fiercely a Raed, “I’m sick of being bossed around…”

Raed let out a sarcastic chuckle, “Oh poor you, it’s Jared get used to it, your lucky I’ve not had you killed yet.”

He stared harder growling, “I’m sick of being humiliated…”

Raed smiled cruelly, “Get used to it, I’m at the top your at the bottom.”

Jared growled continually at this interruption, “Lastly I’m sick of seeing your gloating face, I could change that all so easily, I could kill you.”

Raed smirked, “Really Jared you have yet made another mistake, you will go to prison for this. Lucais! Lucais get here right now!”

Jared smiled satisfied, “He’s gone, your bodyguard was bought off.”

Raed looked around for the first time fear in his eyes, “You do know Jared your ambition will topple you in the end. Listen to common sense, maybe I could promote you, give you a cushy position.”

Jared smirked a malicious glint in his eyes, “I’m also sick of this whole political game.”

“Now come man, I’m not a person you want to kill, I could make things much better, please listen.”

Jared frowned confused, “I could just kill you, getting all this.”

Raed panicked, “Jared please, I’ll leave my position, I retire you are in my place… Please Jared I’m offering a whole new life.”

“Not interested, face it old man your times up!”

Jared waited no more and strode over to Raed wrapping his hands around the frail neck, Raed stared at him in pleading gesture, “Have you gone so far Jared, doesn’t any of your father exist in you?”

Jared growled, “Shut it old man, my father dead you’re joining him now.”

Jared began to tighten his claws against the neck, Raed began to choke, “Jar…ed pl…please, y….yo…you wi….w…wil…will… re….regr…regret… th….this.”

Jared took no notice of the old man and kept tightening his vice like grip on the old man, ignoring feeble man tries to shift them. Raed face began to turn blue he spluttered out, “Ja…..Jared, pl…pl…plea…please, I… wi….wi…will.. pa….pa….pa….pay you,… any….an….any…thin….th…thin…thing! With one last spluttered growled, Raed screamed, “Ja….red Ly…ons y…you… ha….ha…have be..began the begi….beg…beginning…of….th…the…en….end…f…or…you!”

Jared laughed crushing the windpipe, life leaving Raed corpse. It slumped over dead. Jared smiled, no one controlling him now.

He laughed and decided to do some more, he drew up a burning log ignoring pain and threw it over next to some curtain, let Raed estate burn.

Jared laughed and walked out. Taking one last look at Raed the last expression he managed to make was a of knowing, a sort of neutral frown suggesting, “You’ve been warned.”

Jared shivered even in death the old man still stood over him.


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Last edited by Vernon on Fri Jun 22, 2007 9:40 pm; edited 1 time in total
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PostPosted: Fri Jun 22, 2007 7:57 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

wow! major authority issues lmao.

It was good, just make sure you work on sentence flow. Some sentences need breaks in them, and without them the sentences are hard to read and feel awkward.

The story itself, though, is great. When will jared stop? lol

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PostPosted: Fri Jun 22, 2007 1:56 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Vern! Seriously, what is up with your characters?!?! Twisted much! lol But I guess that's what kinda makes the story. Wink

And, finally, Tea knows the truth about her brother. There better be some happy reuniting towards the end. Tears and all; I request it. hehe jk But, yes, I enjoyed this. Eolen and Tea are like the kick-butt team.

I like them. And Tea is still my favorite character. ^_~ Can't wait to see what else you have in store! Nice update!!

~Sydney Very Happy

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PostPosted: Fri Jun 22, 2007 11:56 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

YAY! Raed is dead! Now it's Jared's turn. Right?? Right?? Aw come on! Tell me! Lol jk Sig. It was awesome. One thing though, When the people like Quinn and the other street people talk, could you possibly make it more understandable? I know this was last Chapter, but it was really hard to understand a word. Yeah, I know, you want to show the speaking as un-educated and drunk and all, but you have to understand it too. It's just that one thing. The rest was Awesome! Keep it up Sig! Can't wait for the next Chapter!

*Lindsay*

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PostPosted: Sat Jun 23, 2007 4:42 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Hey, there. I've read all the other chapters to your story, and I must say that you've really got something here. Very Happy Your characters are original, as is the plot, and I'm really enjoying this. The only problems that you have when writing this, as you already know, is your grammar. You need to work on that a lot more, but the story's fantastic other than that.

And I'm glad that Raed's dead now, even if he was killed by Jared's hand. He (Raed) was a thorn in my a- er... butt. Wink And I would have to say that Quinn is my favorite character in this. XD She's so awesome and pretty tough. Nice nice. Really good.

Looking forward to the next update.

-Nic

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PostPosted: Sun Jun 24, 2007 5:55 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Sweet. As corrupt as Raed was he was better than Jared as far as a person goes. Stupid Jared.

Hopefully Tea and Eolen escape.

One thing. Some of the things in the dialouge between tea and Eolen is you used exclamation points where I thought a period would have been better.

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PostPosted: Mon Jun 25, 2007 6:33 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Wow, he died like really good! Really realistic, Vernon. I was holding my own throat just reading it. Thank God he died. I agree... and or speak for everyone when I say, Jared should be next!

And what's up with Eolen and Tea's relationship? I mean both seem a little timid, it just doesn't seem like love until the end of the chapter (their portion of the chapter) Tea seems too soon to blame people and Eolen seems like he dislikes her faults very very much. It's not a love where there's no question. They're constantly thinking about if it's the right thing or not which makes it even more interesting. Loved this chapter, Waiting for the next!

~Rieda

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PostPosted: Mon Jun 25, 2007 8:59 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

One F-word still means an R rating.

Please remember for future reference!

*re-rated*

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PostPosted: Mon Jun 25, 2007 9:43 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Hi Vernon. I noticed some grammatical mistakes when I was reading this. Missing punctuation, run on sentences etc etc. It really distracts the flow of the story. I had to read some parts twice to get what it means.

Also, some of your character's dialogue seems kinda bland. For example:

"Your days are numbered Jared."

That quote, I believe, is quite overly used in our lives to the point where I think it has became a cliche. The dialogue for some parts of the chapter wasn't very original which in turn makes the reader (like myself) question on the development of the characters.

Overall, it was ok. More than ok. I'll read the other chapters later.

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PostPosted: Mon Jul 09, 2007 4:57 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Everything that you dont' believe in, and that is wrong, you manage to potray...

Now I'm sad because Raed is dead... and Jared isn't...

in the end I hope he does get what he deserves... but then I"ll be sad he dies because... well... I don't know.

I'mupset that Raed died... i Hated you when Anton died... and now... I hate you again Razz

(Naw, I still love you)

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PostPosted: Tue Jul 10, 2007 3:25 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Siegfried wrote:
Eolen bent down to pick up his sword as he saw Jared leave, Tea collapsed in a pathetic slump her legs lengthy legs exposed, . he ignored this and bent down to see her eyes once again crying, “Why did I have to be hungry, we could of left if I’d not been hungry.”


Siegfried wrote:
He looked at the book, it was a hardback with coloured a drab pale-ish royal blue.


Yep, those were the only major mistakes I saw. I got confused big time there!

Talk about authority issues. Jared's got problems; nice interaction between characters. I can't wait to read the rest.

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