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Trident
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 Posted: Mon May 07, 2007 1:09 am Post subject: DFTS |
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Thanks for the critiques. |
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Last edited by Trident on Sat Oct 06, 2007 6:49 am; edited 5 times in total |
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Poisoness
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| Posted: Mon May 07, 2007 1:53 am Post subject: |
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Lol i loved it! I was laughing the entire time! I like the arguments. they make me laugh. It's so random, who can read it and not laugh! i'm going to flip the switch right here next to me... and the light goes on! fascinating!
lol good job! |
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Sam
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| Posted: Tue May 08, 2007 2:17 am Post subject: |
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Hey, Trident!
A whole lot of ado about nothing...very Heller-esque.  The voice was very funny, and the dialogue crisp and easy to understand- even without tags! *claps giddily*
Anyway, just two things to keep in mind:
- Even though I had a fairly painless time keeping the two characters straight, making them distinct through their dialogue is something you're going to want to keep in mind while you're editing. If there's an easier, quicker way to establish who wants to flip the switch and who thinks it's a bad idea at the beginning. That way, it's a pretty safe bet that you won't lose anyone.
-Describe a little more background/set description. It's really hard to put it in with dialogue, but when your characters move to different places, describe the new settings quickly and then proceed on with the yakking.
Overall- a very funny piece, Trident. I had a good time reading it, in any case.  |
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Trident
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| Posted: Thu May 10, 2007 1:48 am Post subject: |
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| Ah, many thanks, Sam. I'm glad you liked it. I'll see what I can do with the things you mentioned; definitely worth looking at. |
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маттѕтея
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| Posted: Thu May 10, 2007 5:41 am Post subject: |
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Mwahaha. I love it. I also love the name "Felix Phelicks".
It does feel a little like it belongs between other chapters (does it? If so I haven't read any, lol) but it still works nicely when alone. Nice work. =D |
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| Posted: Thu May 10, 2007 5:54 pm Post subject: |
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Heheh, you know what they say! Curiousity killed the cat... although in this case, we will never know! 
I liked it. The dialogue made me snigger, as well as the situation itself. Nothing torments me more than the unknown, and I imagine lots of readers are the same. Nice. ^_^  |
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Trident
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| Posted: Sat May 12, 2007 3:30 am Post subject: |
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Many thanks Mattster and Archae. I'm fully pleased you enjoyed it.
It is meant to be a story that stands alone. But who knows? I think I have a nicely developed set of characters that I could possibly expand upon in the future. |
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| Posted: Sat May 12, 2007 3:56 am Post subject: |
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I think you have a nicely developed set of characters that you should expand upon. It was entertaining. I'll admit, I didn't actually laugh properly, but it is a very rare occurrence that I do. Piers Anthony, mainly lol.
I couldn't really find any flaws, so there's no point of this crit, but I'll tell you that it flowed way better than a lot of what I have read lately. Kept me in suspense. But now I wanna know... D:
-Mat |
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luna_the_shiekah
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| Posted: Sat May 12, 2007 3:27 pm Post subject: |
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This piece reminded me of the movie "The Great Race."
PUSH THE BUTTON MAX!
...
NOT THAT BUTTON!
Not exactly the best rendition but I vote you check it out in any case. Lovely story Trident! All that fuss over a switch xD |
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| Posted: Sat May 12, 2007 11:40 pm Post subject: |
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I love this
I was laughing during the whole exchange. I read Catch-22 just this last year, so it was especially entertaining to me, since you did do a great job of making it Heller-esque. Not much to critique here, very well done, but I thought I'd drop by and let you know I loved it. It's very much like the classic "push the red button" scene.
anyway, bei'theh!
~sworddance |
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| Posted: Sun Jun 03, 2007 12:13 am Post subject: |
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That was hilarious!! I love dugger! It was well done and now I wish I knew what happens. I am wondering why you posted it in Si-Fi, it didn't seem to be set i the future.
Nevertheless... I thought it was really good, exept...
Now I have an irrisistable urge to go and tunr of the light, just for the sake of flipping a switch. Great story!
~Pol |
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| Posted: Mon Jun 04, 2007 1:19 am Post subject: |
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I really liked it. especially the cliffhanger ending. I really want to know what happens but that's what happens with good stories. That's what makes them even better.
~MadHatter~ |
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| Posted: Wed Jun 13, 2007 3:06 pm Post subject: |
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| Very nice little story here and to be honest, I would have flipped that switch too so good for Dugger. |
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