Stop The Scrolling Header | Enable the Scrolling Header

Young Writers Society
News:  

Must Read: No Chat-Speak

Happy Thanksgiving!
Username:    Password:      Log me on automatically each visit    
Everlasting
Everlasting

by denver92 in Other Poetry
Young Writers Society Forum Index » Fantasy Fiction

This thread was created on May 22, 2007
Post new topic   Reply to topic
Digg It Del.icio.us

Related Items
Possible Related Items Follow:
Chasing Rainbows Chapter 1
Chasing Rainbows Chapter 2
Chasing Rainbows Chapter 3
Chasing Rainbows Chapter 4
Chasing Rainbows Chapter 5
Chasing Rainbows Chapter 6
Chasing Rainbows Chapter 7
Chasing Rainbows Chapter 8
Chasing Rainbows Chapter 9
Chasing Rainbows Chapter 10
Chasing Rainbows Chapter 11
Chasing Rainbows Chapter 12
Chasing Rainbows Chapter 15
Chasing Rainbows Chapter 16
Chasing Rainbows Chapter 17
Chasing Rainbows Chapter 18
Chasing Rainbows Chapter 19
Chasing Rainbow Chapter 14
Chasing Rainbows Chapter 20
Chasing Rainbow Chapter 21
Chasing Rainbows Chapter 22
Chasing Rainbows Chapter 1 Revised
Chasing Rainbows Chapter 2 (Revised)
Chasing Rainbows Chapter 3 (Revised)
Chasing Rainbows Chapter 4 (Revised)

Chasing Rainbows Chapter 13

Topic ID: 16348
View previous topic :: View next topic  
Author Message
Vernon   View This User's Portfolio
Always shall Love Elizabeth his Beautiful Goddess
Epic Novelist

647
Gender: Gender:Male
Age: 18
Joined: 09 May 2005
Posts: 3825
Reviews: 647
Country: Building a bridge to Elizabeth's heart and guiding her to mines.
300 Points

PostPosted: Tue May 22, 2007 9:34 pm    Post subject: Chasing Rainbows Chapter 13 Reply with quote

Alex watched as Quinn stared at him and then stared down to see half her clothes off, “Alex ya’ve five seconds ter give us one reason ter not assume sumfink!”

Alex blabbled quickly, “Quinn it’s not what it looks like, honest…” Alex stared in disbelief, “you’re a girl?!”

Blood rushed to her cheeks in attempt to draw attention away she sweeped her fringe off her eyes and stood up brushing herself down. She then pulled layers over her upper chest and snatched up the tattered rags on the ground. Alex quickly noted how swiftly she had done and left no trace of any bulge in her upper chest. She then answered annoyed, “O'course I’m a girl for god sake…, O’...” She blushed again.

Quinn shot him a serious look. "I was jokin' before, righ'? I luv Marius!"

She sighed and fell back down, smiling even though she was going through so much. She could still smile and as if her pain was a million miles away.

She held her hand out tentatively as Alex stood up; he grasped her hand and pulled her to her feet. She smiled slightly and tried to walk, but whimpered as the pain finally hit her full force. Alex rushed to her ignoring his own pain -you're rather to quick to help her, arn't you?- He let out a loud sigh, denying that his actions meant anything. He looped his arm through hers and she fell against his shoulder a weary, tired look in her eyes. As Alex studied her face, a realization dawned on him. -Her eyes! they are different!- one eye was a blue, an electric blue, while the other was a duller green-blue. Why he hadn't noticed before was beyond him, but staring him in the face were those sparkling jewels. It was only now he remembered his own cuts. Quinn eyes fell down to his hand and smiled, whispering “Thanks…, don’t fink I’m not thankful, right, but ya didn’t need ter do that…” she sighed and fell quiet.

Alex grinned and replied, “Nonsense, you’re still drunk!”

Quinn sniffed, annoyed,. Alex thought he heard her mutter something under her breath. It sounded like; "Typical."

The rest of the journey for them was silent, she seemed in a bad mood, and Alex wasn’t in the set mind to try change that. He’d seen Tea like this and knew it was best to not speak.

When they finally arrived, she stumbled to her bed and left Alex alone, again, giving him no chance to ask her anything. What was it with girl and me? He thought. Then again, unlike Tea, he had only showed off for fans and left them his autograph. Wondering about it now, had he lost any chance of love by being so cold? Then there was Quinn being a girl, she was so male, and it made no sense, why would she take him in then. It can’t be companionship, if it was she was in for a shock, he wasn’t bedding any woman.

Alex headed to his bed and lay his head down, so many questions he wanted to ask, but he was unsure on the wisdom of asking them. She had seemed annoyed, but, hell, she was drunk. Would he waste a chance like this? He stood up went to wash his wound, wincing at the pain then wrapping it in a gauze he found. One thing he was beginning to learn was when he was with her that he had a ninety percent chance of being hurt.

Alex entered the labyrinth of shelves, he really had no clue where she slept, he understood the secrecy of sleeping somewhere else when he didn’t know, but come on, he knew now. A beautiful melody built up, as he grew closer to Quinn’s area, next thing he heard was Quinn humming the tune. He followed the music until he came to a room, well it wasn’t exactly, it was rows of crates creating a sort of box without a roof.

Alex walked in to see a double bed with an wooden headboard, a set of drawers. One or two were open; dresses, skirts, trousers, and tops erupting out. On the floor was the music machine an intricate gramophone sending out amazing cheery harmony, lastly was a person size mirror, in the centre stood Quinn, in the same clothes as the photo, she twirled once admiring her reflection. Once she had done, she began to pull her skirt off. Alex coughed loudly; she pulled her skirt back on hurriedly, blushing furiously.

The glare she gave was enough to put old Alex off he was sure, but he had the right to some facts.

Alex stood his ground; she whispered calmly with menace, “Git now!”

Alex didn’t move and replied with unknown strength, “No, I’ve the right to some answers!”

Quinn gave a cold stare hissed with such aggression, “Git! right! now! Or I’ll kick ya out... She waited impaitiently then sneered threatingly, "Wouldn’t like that would ya?”

Still Alex stood there defiantly, she growled, then sighed in defeat, “Fine! Wot ya need ter know so badly?”

Alex walked into the room much to Quinn’s discomfort and annoyance, “Okay, why the lie, why the great façade, the pointlessness of pretending to be a boy?”

By now the music stopped playing making the atmosphere more tense between both Quinn and Alex.

She muttered a thousand oaths and then looked at him, “I’m no gonna answer that, til ya tell me the truff Circus boy!”

Alex bit his lip and backed off a little; Quinn smiled sneeringly. Alex walked back and replied, “Fine you’ve the right to know, I understand!”

Quinn sat on the bed folding her arms, “Well…?”

Alex sighed awkwardly, “My full name Alexzander Yeasa but I’m guessing you already knew that so that’s nothing new… I’m no one now presumed dead, my life is gone… It is all because of one man, Jared, a politician who as crooked as they come.”

Quinn sat thoughtful then she smiled again, “Good enough, for now!”

Alex sighed somewhat relieved, then remembered the question, “Okay, again I ask why pretend to be a boy?”

Quinn sighed and looked at him, “If yan 'avene noticed it’s no right good ter be a girl on the streets!”

Alex stood thinking, “But you’re not like most girls…”

Quinn blushed embarrassed; Alex continued a bit more nervously, “What I mean is you can actually look after yourself on the streets!”

She let out an “Oh…” and again blushed, Alex smiled warmly and continued, “If you are so street smart then why the need to pretend to be male… you could hurt anyone who was sexist with you?”

Quinn ran hands through her short blond locks in frustration, “The bloomin' reason I can 'ave a look after meself is because I'm a lad ter outsiders like yaself. Blokes don't mess wiv lads. They don't 'ave the chuffin' same worries as girls.... if yer cop my drift...."

Alex groaned annoyed, “You’re missing my point, sure with most girls it would be a problem, but you can look after yourself!”

Quinn smirked rolling her eyes, “Sure I’ll advertise fact I’m a girl, I may be strong but if I were jumped by a group it would be the bloody same endin' as wiv weaker girls!” She continued standing up from the bed, “I’m not cocky, right, I’d be a fool ter dress like a girl outside, use ya’r brain, it’s all perfectly simple.”

She smiled meanly and then went on, “Tell me Alex, right, don’t ya ever feel wrong about lovin' – no wait lustin' for ya’re sister!

Alex eyes flew wide open and he gawped at her in surprise, she smiled cheekily.

“Wha… how…”

Quinn burst out laughing and sneered through the laughter, “Ya gonna finish that sentence at all?”

Alex’s face turned red and he tried again, “How can you know about that?”

Quinn smiled a private smile and winked replying, “Ask no questions, ya cop no lies?”

Alex screamed in utter frustration, “Hold on, why should I have to answer any of your questions?”

Quinn climbed off walking over until they were face to face, “Fine I won’t ask them then!”

Alex looked her angrily in the eyes, “Fine!”

She stared back “Idiot!”

“Bitch!”

“Wanna be!”

“Street rat!”

“Foolish drunk!”

“Mental paitient!”

“Bloody imbecile!”

Alex raised his voice, as did Quinn.

“You’re so useless!”

“Ya’re pathetic!”

“You think you’re so smart!”

“Why am I actually listenin' ter ya, I’ve got a life?”

Alex’s hormones were going insane he saw her eyes locked on him, -those wonderful jewels glistening, so unqiue- His hormones exploded “Do wanna kiss me as much as I wanna kiss you?”

Quinn pushed her lips against his briefly stopping to scream "GOD YES!" Alex kissed her back harder. They both slipped tongues in; they stood there kissing with fiery passion. Alex pulled her closer to himself wanting only to be near her, all thoughts before of anyone but her vanishing. All through his mind he was thinking -what the hell are you doing, stop now!- but he just couldn't stop. Quinn was so confused as to why she was doing this but hell, it felt good, but wasn't she just being a whore, leading on other men, -I should stop, and if I'm lucky I can deny it-.

Quinn stopped, as did he, Alex asked, “Did we just kiss?!”

She shook her head her cheek coloured pink, “No, it didn’t ‘appen!”

Alex smiled awkwardly, “Erm… yeah we never kissed, this was just an argument!”

-Phew denial good, it's not as if the kiss meant anything-

“Yeh, lets just forget this unfortunate argument!” Quinn replied blushing brightly.

Alex smiled weakly, “Yeah I better leave you!”

Quinn smiled back just as weakly, “Yeh lets just forget about this argument… no wait stay, no go - yes go!” She turned away blushing hard.

“Alex grinned nervously and waved goodbye too her, she smiled and replied, “Remember, right, none of this 'appened after we arrived back, right, lets just forget it all!

“Yeh, nothing happened, we argued!”

Quinn smiled nervously rubbing her hands down the seams of her skirt, “ya should go!”

Alex turned back, “Yeah… well night!”

He turned and ran out the impromptu room face as red as tomato, Quinn stayed watching him fidgeting nervously, face aflame with a bright scarlet patches o her cheeks.


_________________
We get off to the rhythm of the trigger and destruction. Fallujah to New Orleans with impunity to kill. We are the hidden fist of the free market.
We are the ink, we are the quill.
[The Ink And The Quill (Be Afraid) - Anti-Flag]


Last edited by Vernon on Sun Sep 09, 2007 11:20 am; edited 6 times in total
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message Visit poster's website MSN Messenger
Lindsaroo   View This User's Portfolio
is New
Speaker of the Forum

155
Gender: Gender:Female
Age: 15
Joined: 09 Jan 2007
Posts: 729
Reviews: 155
Country: California, USA
300 Points

PostPosted: Tue May 22, 2007 10:20 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Oh my god. I loved it! I loved the kiss and then they try pretending it didn't happen. It was so cute! In my opinion. I Like Quinn a lot. She such a strong girl. But it's really pulling at my mind that she knows all Alex's secrets. No actually it's killing me! lol Anyways Can't wait for more. This story is the best! I love it! Keep up the great work!

*Lindsay*

_________________
August 20th, 2008 - I found God.
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message AIM Address Yahoo Messenger MSN Messenger
Squall   View This User's Portfolio
Roll of Thunder, Hear My Cry
Speaker of the Forum

441
Gender: Gender:Male
Age: 17
Joined: 01 Feb 2007
Posts: 636
Reviews: 441
Country: New Zealand
3104 Points

PostPosted: Tue May 22, 2007 10:31 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Haha I like Quinn's personality. She seems to be quite open and active and doesn't really mind showing her "cough" Twisted Evil

You made some grammer and spelling errors. I'm not gonna show you where they are as I'm too lazy and I think you can spot them out Wink

I don't think you can improve on it anymore. It seemed ok to me. Maybe give more physical descriptions of Quinn. I liked Quinn, yet I couldn't picture her that well.

_________________
Dolphins for the win!

Originally known as Clockwerk Goblin. Back to my first username.


Last edited by Squall on Wed May 23, 2007 7:04 am; edited 1 time in total
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message Visit poster's website MSN Messenger
TL G-Wooster   View This User's Portfolio
boh
Epic Novelist

818
Gender: Gender:Female
Age: 16
Joined: 07 Feb 2007
Posts: 3616
Reviews: 818
Country: in Bavaria where the sheep seldom wear spectacles
459 Points

PostPosted: Tue May 22, 2007 10:57 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Bleagh. Kiss. Drat romance in every single flipping flaming form it comes in, with flipping flaming blinking knobs on.

You need spaces between your dialogue. But it's good dialogue.

_________________
Most people run screaming to the therapist when they hear voices. I write. –Laurie Halse Anderson
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message Visit poster's website MSN Messenger
Alteran   View This User's Portfolio
I kissed a Girl.... Not a Fan
Master of the Forum

611
Gender: Gender:Male
Age: 20
Joined: 10 May 2006
Posts: 2299
Reviews: 611
Country: Atlantis
592 Points

PostPosted: Wed May 23, 2007 6:26 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

That was great. So blunt and out in the open. Argueing always leads to great makeup....stuff.

The one thing i was bothered by was i thought Quinn had just been jabbed in the gut with glass. It looked real bad last time yet she has the strength to argue. You might want to change the original to a deep but not fatal cut.

Just my thoughts.

Enjoyed it very much Very Happy

_________________
"Maybe Senpai ate Yuka-tan's last bon-bon?"
----Stupei, Ace Defective

Once Upon an Adam_Atlantian
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message Visit poster's website AIM Address Yahoo Messenger
Riedawriter23   View This User's Portfolio
La femme avec les yeux.
Speaker of the Forum

516
Gender: Gender:Female
Age: 15
Joined: 01 Jan 2007
Posts: 722
Reviews: 516
Country: That of my own accord.
300 Points

PostPosted: Thu May 24, 2007 7:58 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Awww. I change what I said. Quinn and Alex are cute with each other. I dont know how you turned a huge and, on the verge of becoming physical, fight into a kissing scene and then into a severe case of memory-loss...but you did it great!Smile

I guess I can now deal with any relationship that turns up. (unless any of them involve Jared Wink ) Can't wait for the next Vernon!

~Rieda

_________________
I love, love.
*This wonderful crit is brought to you by CCF!*
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message
Nutty   View This User's Portfolio
The Red Dragon Druid
Speaker of the Forum

140
Gender: Gender:Female
Age: 16
Joined: 02 Mar 2007
Posts: 804
Reviews: 140
Country: Aotearoa New Zealand
907 Points

PostPosted: Fri May 25, 2007 3:08 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Sieg- brilliant! I love how the storie's developing. It makes me wonder about what will happen- so many relationships going haywire!
I loved the denial!
Hurry up and write some more!

_________________
Who watches the watchman?
----

"Please never have a character laugh mischievously, or cry sadly, or I shall have to hit you with a wet fish." -Brigid Lowry
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message
AyumiGosu17   View This User's Portfolio
Kinda is not really.
Master of the Forum

61
Gender: Gender:Female
Age: 16
Joined: 09 Apr 2007
Posts: 2255
Reviews: 61
Country: Where no one can find me, but you.
857 Points

PostPosted: Tue May 29, 2007 9:05 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

LMAO!!! That last scene was funny! LOL!

Once again, you need more commas and semicolons.

Wonderful, Vernon! Absolutely wonderful!

_________________
With God, all things are possible.
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message
Elizabeth   View This User's Portfolio
1 Piece To The Original YWS Couple
Epic Novelist

1160
Gender: Gender:Female
Age: 17
Joined: 07 Dec 2004
Posts: 3023
Reviews: 1160
Country: If I told you I would have to kill you
300 Points

PostPosted: Fri Jul 06, 2007 10:36 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Aww, how sweet. Smile
It's funny... I like Quinn.

She's like the fun part of me... the one that's not drunk though. Heh.

_________________
http://www.albinoblacksheep.com/flash/shii.php
Ralphie: Ahh! It's half wolf, half refrigerator!
“Eventually shooting stars will burn out.”
Help the Revolution: http://noporntube.freeforums.org/portal.php
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message Visit poster's website MSN Messenger
Lady Sydney   View This User's Portfolio
Baroque Princess
Novelist

196
Gender: Gender:Female
Age: 16
Joined: 28 Feb 2007
Posts: 409
Reviews: 196
Country: No, I prefer Italian food. But thanks for asking!
300 Points

PostPosted: Sun Sep 09, 2007 1:20 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Wonderful chapter, as always. Every chapter I read about Quinn, I seem to like her more and more. XD She's such a fun character. This was incredibly sweet and well developed. Quinn and Alex are by far the best couple in this story. ^^ So perfect.

You should separate your paragraphs, though. When they're all bunched up like that, it makes the work look a bit sloppy.

Other than that, this was a good update. Keep going.

~Syd

_________________
Formerly known as Silly Sydstix... as well as Aquarius Angel.
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message AIM Address MSN Messenger
Display posts from previous:   
This thread was created on May 22, 2007
Post new topic   Reply to topic
   Young Writers Society Forum Index » Fantasy Fiction All times are GMT
Page 1 of 1

 
Jump to:  
You cannot post new topics in this forum
You cannot reply to topics in this forum
You cannot edit your posts in this forum
You cannot delete your posts in this forum
You cannot vote in polls in this forum
You can attach files in this forum
You can download files in this forum
This thread was created on May 22, 2007

Graphics By Bobo | YWS Sword & Shield Logo by Bobo
Bartemius says, As I grow older, I pay less attention to what men say. I just watch what they do.- Andrew Carnegie
Contact | Memberlist | Copyright Policy | YWS Store | Site Map
Facebook |  Goodreads |  Live Journal |  MySpace |  Wikipedia

© 2004 - 2008 The Young Writers Society