Topic ID: 16148
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Tamora
Senior Writer
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Country: the land of Kiwis!! NZ!
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 Posted: Wed May 16, 2007 9:52 pm Post subject: Something, I don't know. |
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This is My first storybook, so I'm looking for anyone that can improve it.
Here goes.
Keira ran through the woods, ducking under branches, scratches lining her face, whipped on as the sticks fly at her. She looked behind her, she couldn't see anyone, but that didn't mean they weren't there. Suddenly her long brown hair caught, and as it pulled taught a small shriek escaped from her lips. But it was only the trees. She stumbled forward, tears beginning to stream down her blood-stained cheeks. It waswn't fair, she hadn't done anything, yet they were after her. Would they catch her?
*You decide*  |
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Alice
Disaster Zone
Writer of Legend
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402 Points
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| Posted: Thu May 17, 2007 1:07 am Post subject: |
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It's always best to begin with a profile
Name- Ishtar
Gender-Female
Hair color- red
Eye color- blue
Height- about 5 7
Race- half vampire
Race discription- can eat and drink like any normal human and doesn't require blood to survive, it has a different hunger that only blood can slake. blood is the source of their skin color and allows them to move very quickly.
Ishtar leaned against the building and lit her cigerette. She inhaled deeply and caught only the slightest fregrance of nicoteen and smoke. She savored every small breath. She was starving, not for food but for blood. She smelled it on the air. A girl, fear and adrenilin ran through her.
The smell of adrenilin sickened Ishtar, she resolved to help the girl. |
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I'm Alice.
For the record, I'm not a crack addict, I don't chase rabits wearing waistcoats down holes, and I can't see the future.
And if you don't get any of those you epic fail. |
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Nutty
The Red Dragon Druid
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Country: Aotearoa New Zealand
907 Points
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| Posted: Thu May 17, 2007 2:10 am Post subject: |
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name: Eryc
Race: werewolf
gender: male
Hieght: 5f 8
appearance: well-muscled and wiry, scruffy chestnut hair, slightly longer eye teeth.
Always wears reflective sunglasses.
When in wolf-shape looks like a large shaggy brown wolf, with glowing eyes.
Other: Eryc was bitten in early childhood, and thrown out by his parents.
A loyalist, once you've became his friend you could count on him for life. Unfortunatly, he finds it hard to make friends and is something of a lone wolf. Can change shape at will, has to in direct full moonlight. |
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Who watches the watchman?
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"Please never have a character laugh mischievously, or cry sadly, or I shall have to hit you with a wet fish." -Brigid Lowry |
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Nutty
The Red Dragon Druid
Speaker of the Forum
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Joined: 02 Mar 2007
Posts: 804
Reviews: 140
Country: Aotearoa New Zealand
907 Points
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| Posted: Thu May 17, 2007 9:32 am Post subject: |
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Eryc trotted up the hill, enjoying the night air. He stretched, shaking the shaggy mane of fur around his neck. he stopped.
He could smell something... human. Female. fear-stink washed over him.
And... something else. Eryic sneezed. Vampire. A growl emmited from him. Vampires out hunting.... Eyric followed his nose. |
_________________
Who watches the watchman?
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"Please never have a character laugh mischievously, or cry sadly, or I shall have to hit you with a wet fish." -Brigid Lowry |
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EmiSukotto16
Cats and dogs and bumpy frogs...and a large Coke.
Novelist
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Joined: 08 Apr 2007
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Country: Where I Live.....
300 Points
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| Posted: Thu May 17, 2007 10:20 pm Post subject: |
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Name: Selena
Race: werecat
Gender: female
Height: 5' 6"
appearance: svelte with long black hair and yellow cat-eyes
When in "cat"-shape looks like an abnormally large black panther
Other: Selena was born into a family of werecats, but after a battle with a nomadic werewolf pack, her ,other had been killed.
Race description: Werecats are basically the same as werewolves with a slightly 'better' disposition. They change completely of their own will, no matter what phase of the moon is present. Werecat genes are rare in men and don't usually usually enter the bloodstream after a bite. Genes are usually passed from mother to daughter no matter who or what the father is.
Selena was perched on top of a wall, enjoying the night air. She could see the bats race around and smell the wetness of the ground. One scent, however, disturbed her, not to mention the haggard sound of breath as a girl rushed thought the woods just beyond Selena's vision. She could smell the sweat, the the adrenaline. Selena also smelled a vampire and werewolf.
Odd hunting buddies. Selena could tell the girl was getting tired and she could tell that the pursuers were pretty far behind. Why didn't she rest. There was plenty of space between her and the vampire, and even more between her and the 'dog.'
Selena leapt from the wall, landing lightly on her feet. She darted into the forest after the girl. |
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Alice
Disaster Zone
Writer of Legend
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Reviews: 259
Country: In a book or a story, anywhere but here
402 Points
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| Posted: Thu May 17, 2007 10:35 pm Post subject: |
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Keira just sat down to rest for a moment when Ishtar caught up with her. "Not a good time to rest," she murmered. She lifted Keira's arm around her neck and dissappeared into the night. She reappeared in town near a bar owned by a friend of hers. She walked the girl in and sat her down at the bar.
"Who are you?!" She asked.
"My name's Ishtar, I'm a vampire and I'm helping you for now."
"What?"
"I am helpping you, ey Meril! We need some bandages over here!" Another vampire named Meril walked over holding some gauze. Meril had the apperance of a forty five year old, his hair only slightly grey and some spark still in his eyes.
"There you go Ish."
"Thank's Meril," she cast him a flirting smile and bandaged up Keira's arm, which was bleeding which looked like pretty bad. |
_________________
I'm Alice.
For the record, I'm not a crack addict, I don't chase rabits wearing waistcoats down holes, and I can't see the future.
And if you don't get any of those you epic fail. |
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EmiSukotto16
Cats and dogs and bumpy frogs...and a large Coke.
Novelist
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Age: 16
Joined: 08 Apr 2007
Posts: 373
Reviews: 23
Country: Where I Live.....
300 Points
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| Posted: Thu May 17, 2007 10:40 pm Post subject: |
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Selena lost the scent when she determined the vampire had caught the girl. She wasn't sure whether or not the girl was dead, there wasn't a scent of blood anywhere.
Selena started when she heard the panting of a dog behind her. She whipped around just as the werewolf bounded out of the brush. It skidded to a halt an stared at her.
Selena was grateful the breeze was blowing toward her and not the wolf and that she looked like a normal human, aside from her cat-like eyes. |
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Sumi H. Inkblot
can divide by zero
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Country: Mu
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| Posted: Thu May 17, 2007 10:43 pm Post subject: |
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Name: Blanche
Race: Changeling
Gender: female
Height: 4"6'
Appearance: bone-white long hair, golden eyes. Has a mark on left cheek, looks like a crescent moon facing downwards.
In any of her changed forms, she retains those two general colors (E, if she transforms into a book, the book is white with gold lettering)
Other: left for dead when parents found her abnormally white hair (they had black hair themselves) would not darken and when they realized her power, around when she was three. She had gained good control of the ability and lived in a combination of thievery and begging as a stray dog.
Race description: Changelings are born when it snows in the summer, their hair remains snow-white throughout their lives, and no dye can penetrate it. They are typically recluses and tend to avoid humans in general, though they will help them if they sense distress. They enjoy pulling pranks, oddly, eating sour candy and laughing. They are very clever and have very odd senses of humor that crop up in just as odd places.
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Golden eyes stared down at the passing figure, and watched the black jaguar streak after her.
This looks like a lot of fun. As the humans say, the more the merrier!
The golden eyes blurred and a white falcon swept down through the trees after them, cawing in delight.
Nothing was more blissful to Blanche then flying, and the hunt, preying on the instincts of the animal she was mimicking, gave her a jolt of adrenaline.
Something else, though.
A vampire, a werewolf, and a werecat!
Blanche would have grinned if she had a mouth.
This is going to be fun! |
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EmiSukotto16
Cats and dogs and bumpy frogs...and a large Coke.
Novelist
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Country: Where I Live.....
300 Points
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| Posted: Fri May 18, 2007 4:55 pm Post subject: |
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Selena stared at the dog with her yellow eyes, the stare of a cat against the glare of a dog.
The wolf let out a low growl and dashed into the brush. Selena relaxed, but she still felt another presence within the area. She looked up to see a discolored bird of prey perched on a limb, watching her. It's golden eyes weren't natural.
A changeling... "Come down here." |
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Sumi H. Inkblot
can divide by zero
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| Posted: Fri May 18, 2007 5:06 pm Post subject: |
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The white falcon blurred until a tiny creature sat there, eyes glimmering in no apparent light. It was human enough, but the ears tapered very slightly, the skin was pale and her eyes were bright gold.
"And why should I?" she asked slyly. "I don't know you." |
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EmiSukotto16
Cats and dogs and bumpy frogs...and a large Coke.
Novelist
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Country: Where I Live.....
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| Posted: Fri May 18, 2007 9:00 pm Post subject: |
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"You could know me." Selena countered. "What business do you have here?"
"Curiosity killed the cat." The changeling snickered.
"That's never stopped me before. I do believe you are here through your own curiosity, is that not true?" |
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Sumi H. Inkblot
can divide by zero
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| Posted: Fri May 18, 2007 9:12 pm Post subject: |
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The changeling cocked her head.
"Not curiousity, dear, but rather boredom. The night is yet young." she grinned, revealing rather pointy-looking teeth. |
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Capitolism is the uneven distribution of wealth.
Socialism is the even distribution of poverty. |
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EmiSukotto16
Cats and dogs and bumpy frogs...and a large Coke.
Novelist
Gender:
Age: 16
Joined: 08 Apr 2007
Posts: 373
Reviews: 23
Country: Where I Live.....
300 Points
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| Posted: Fri May 18, 2007 9:30 pm Post subject: |
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| She is a quick one. Selena smirked. "Indeed. Might I be able to learn your name?" |
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Sumi H. Inkblot
can divide by zero
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| Posted: Fri May 18, 2007 9:55 pm Post subject: |
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The changeling smirked back. The moon on her right cheek seemed to be glowing slightly.
"Only if you tell me yours first."
((Where is everyone else?)) |
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MadHatter
Captain Spleen is here to save you!
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| Posted: Fri May 18, 2007 11:26 pm Post subject: |
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Name ~ Tyler Smith
Gender ~ Male
Age ~ 14
Species ~ Human
Hair Color ~ Gold Blonde
Eye Color ~ Dark Blue
Tyler looked out the window. He sensed what was out in the woods behind his house. He had heard the screams. "They must be out again." He shuddered as he remembered seeing them, the things that had plagued the town for years. Monstrous beasts that raced through the woods on their spindly legs. To keep them away the town used to make sacrifices to them...but that only made the beasts like meat more. The woods outside of his small town were also home to a wide variety of odd creatures. But Tyler thought that tonight he would go out there, maybe kill one of them.
He put on his shoes and grabbed his fathers shotgun. He would go out and kill one for the town! He crept out of the house and ran. He reached the edge of the woods. He would go in on three. 1....2....3! He ran in and hid behind a tree. He could hear them moaning. No not moaning....talking....about-
The Beast brought a huge metallic arm down on the boys head. A feast! He would be able to eat for weeks! Suddenly It noticed the silver stick.
<<Run Away!>> It shouted to the others in the vicinity.
<<Why?>>
<<SILVER STICK>> they hurriedly ran off into the woods, leaving Tyler behind.
When Tyler awoke, he was back in bed. "Must have been a dream." He looked over at the door. A man with black hair stood in front of it.
'Who are you?" Tyler leaped up.
"All I want to tell you is it wasn't a dream. You need to save her." And with that he vanished into thin air. Tyler didn't know what had just happened, but he would go back tomorrow night. |
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