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Snoink
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 Posted: Sat May 12, 2007 9:49 pm Post subject: Dreams of Suicide |
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In my dreams of death
I stand on top a cliff
My eyes closed shut,
The wind willing me to jump.
But in the back of my mind
I wonder...
What is the potential energy I have
Standing here? |
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Last edited by Snoink on Sun May 13, 2007 3:10 am; edited 1 time in total |
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Suzanne
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| Posted: Sat May 12, 2007 10:05 pm Post subject: |
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| The wnd willing me to jump. |
a typo, me thinks?
I liked the scientific ending to it. Twas cute. should the second line end in a period? |
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sworddance
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| Posted: Sat May 12, 2007 10:09 pm Post subject: |
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| ROFL someone has gone to physics class recently... That's great, amiga. I love it. |
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oregongirl
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| Posted: Sat May 12, 2007 11:40 pm Post subject: |
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| I think that "wnd" was supposed to be wind. Make sure you profread your pieces. I like it very much! |
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Snoink
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| Posted: Sun May 13, 2007 5:04 am Post subject: |
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Thanks for spotting the typo! It was right when I wrote it down on paper, but alas! It didn't transcribe. 
Yes... hehehe... too much physics. |
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Doctor Kitty
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| Posted: Wed May 23, 2007 3:55 am Post subject: |
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| This made me laugh out loud. Very nice. Me likey. |
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Fand
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| Posted: Thu May 24, 2007 4:21 pm Post subject: |
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| It's short, but I actually really like the concept. And, like everyone else said, I laughed out loud too. ^_^ |
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Kitty15
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| Posted: Sun Jun 24, 2007 9:37 pm Post subject: |
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| You have a brilliant sense of humour Snoink and, I think, a deep hatred of physics. If they combine to give this sort of poetry then you should be forced to go to class more often! Hehe. Anyway, I liked it a lot and physics just happens to be my least favourite subject. |
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Crysi
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| Posted: Sun Jun 24, 2007 11:39 pm Post subject: |
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I laughed, at first, but then I realized that's actually a brilliant thought, too. Very clever combination. It could really go either way, you know? Potential energy turns into kinetic energy as the narrator jumps, but it could also be another way of saying, "What do I still have to contribute to the world?"
Maybe I'm overthinking it. XD Love it. |
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Alteran
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| Posted: Mon Jun 25, 2007 4:39 am Post subject: |
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I read it and got ot the edge of my seat than read the last part and felt like smacking my head against the desk.
A good thing
I like it. Surprise ending woot! |
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Alice
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| Posted: Mon Jun 25, 2007 4:59 am Post subject: |
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Okay Snoink once again you've made me smile, but thats not good today (my face is sunburned)
I couldn't stop laughing when I read this, it just sounds like one of those things that I would write if I had any decent skill in poetry.
This is defiently a pick me up poem. |
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JustLaugh
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| Posted: Tue Jun 26, 2007 6:17 pm Post subject: |
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*smiles*
I liked it, thats all i can say really.  |
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| Posted: Tue Jun 26, 2007 6:46 pm Post subject: |
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Haha, good twist on the emo poem.
It was funny. In an odd sort of way.
Prokaryote |
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Leja
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| Posted: Sat Jun 30, 2007 2:20 am Post subject: |
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*ugh, physics* Now that my dislike for physics is out of the way
The ending was great. I thought of it as a light ending, definately like something that would happen in a dream, but I can see how it could be a little sadder, if you so choose.
I read it at first (ignoring the punctuation for some strange reason) and wanted to put a period after "cliff" and make the next line the start of a new sentence. And then I went back and wondered how I could ignore punctuation in the first place. Just a thought if you're looking for something else to filter through your brain. |
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nightmarebook13
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| Posted: Fri Jul 06, 2007 7:37 pm Post subject: |
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Well written!! Great ending left suspense! Is the 2nd line suppose to end in anything?? Otherwise I think it was great... I have had dreams like that.  |
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