This is my first chapter that i have edited
please comment 
Chapter 1
The Invasion
On a heavily forested island called Pire Island, a thief and a murderer run from their worst fears. They run as fast as their already weakened legs can take them, but they can’t run faster than a holy warrior.
Holy warriors are feared by every criminal even the best because no crime can slip underneath their eyes. Holy warriors were set up to lower the crime on Pire Island.
Even though the criminals know they can’t outrun the holy warrior they continue to hope they can. After what seemed like a lifetime to the criminals the holy warrior finally caught up to them.
“Why don’t you just get it over with? There is no way we can do anything to you,” said the thief.
“Why did you do it? You interrupted my date,” said the holy warrior calmly.
“Ask the leaders you serve that tax us too much,” said the thief as he drew a gladius, a type of short sword that is awesome at close range combat.
“We serve no one!” said the holy warrior abruptly.
“You serve the law which is made by the leaders,” said the murderer in a smartass sort of way as he to drew his gladius, and bother the thief and the murderer ran at the holy warrior.
In a flash of light, flame exploded out of the holy warrior’s finger and enveloped the criminals. After a while the smoke began to clear and the holy warrior saw not only two but three shadows. After the smoke completely cleared, the holy warrior saw a man in full black armor with a hellish aura around the armor. He had an average body type, but was strong enough to carry the plate armor.
In an even faster flash of light, the dark knight drew his sword
and sent a beam of the same hellish aura at the holy warrior. The holy warrior was so surprised that he had no time to react, and he was incinerated in that beam.
“Why did you act, Makajeh?” asked a man in black armor with scars all over his face.
“Forgive me for undermining you, Searbreon, but we needed to act before they found us,” replied Makajeh, a man in black clothe and black eyes with red hellish fire coming out of them.
“We also need more men before we can destroy Valeria!”
“We have enough men and were powerful enough to destroy it. I think you’re getting paranoid in your old age.”
Searbreon, in a fit of rage, shot a ball of shadow at Makajeh. Makajeh said words that would make a normal human cringe and teleported right behind Searbreon. He thrust his knife into Searbreon’s throat. Immediately Searbreon’s body fell to the floor devoid of life. Right after Makajeh stabbed the body he heard footsteps behind him and turned to see Searbreon.
“Dead clone. The one ability I didn’t teach you. By the way I
didn’t know there was a teleportation spell in existence,” said Searbreon with a smile on his face.
“There is now. Dead clone still won’t save you.”
While Makajeh said that, he drew his bastard sword, a sword that is as thick as this book, as heavy as a war hammer, and double handed. Searbreon drew his sword, and they rushed toward each other with a trail of hellish aura following them. With each attack the other blocked. Every time Makajeh got the upper hand Searbreon always found a way for him to counter it. They would parry blows, dodge attacks, and try to get a killing strike, but the sword fight went on for a while until they stood several feet away from each other, panting.
“This is where the shadow surpasses the being,” said Makajeh while he was forming energy around his hand. He sheathed his sword to his back and suddenly rushed forward dragging his hand because the magic weighed it down so much. About half way he disappeared and appeared right behind Searbreon and thrust his hand into his master’s back. Searbreon spat out blood and fell to the ground shaking. He slowly rolled on his back.
“Why didn’t you use dead clone?” asked Makajeh a little confused.
“I need to create it right at the moment I am being struck. I
was expecting you later, but you teleported and I didn’t have time to create the dead clone,” said Searbreon panting.
After he finished speaking there was a silence and quickly Makajeh took his bastard sword and stuck it into Searbreon’s heart.
“Your last scar by your last student,” whispered Makajeh to himself right before he fainted from exhaustion due mostly to the teleportation spell.
“Rone, wait up!” screamed a seven year old girl in blue robes.
“What is it sis?” asked Rone, a blond, short haired, green eyed bookworm that’s fifteen years old with a knack for ancient scrolls.
“Where are ya goin?”
“I’m goin to the library. Where else?”
“Oh…. I got nothing to do.”
“Go hang out with your friends.”
“Their all busy.”
“Then go train or something else…productive.”
“Fine.”
“So annoying,” whispered Rone under his breath.
“Hey Wyvern, why do you train so much?” asked Sisilia, a teenage girl with brown silky hair with dark, blue eyes and a wakazashi strapped to her belt (in between the size of a katana and a dagger with the curve of a katana). She normally wears cacky colored clothes
“To surpass your shit load of skills,” said Wyvern, a fifteen year old boy with solid black hair that’s not too long and not too short, eyes completely devoid of color, and a mace strapped to his belt like a medieval sword.
“So why do you train outside of Valeria. I mean it’s so bug infested,” said Sisilia as she crushed a beetle near her foot.
“It’s harder to maneuver through trees than the training ground at the academy. You should train with me because your not gonna get any better if you continue training at the academy,” said Wyvern.
“Well, to make sure you won’t get as fast as me, I will train with you,” said Sisilia with a smile inching across her face.
“Hey Sendoma,” said a nineteen year old girl with black hair, green and blue eyes, and a katana strapped to her back.
“Huh, oh Alexandria you followed me,” said Sendoma a seventeen year old boy with long, dirty blonde hair and brown eyes.
“I wanted to know where you lived considering you’ve lived by yourself since anyone can remember,” said Alexandria looking at the broken down house that Sendoma lives in that is on a cliff that overlooks Valeria, the capital of Pire island.
“Well now you know.”
“Would you mind if I stayed with you because my parents are getting all pissy and I can’t stand it anymore.”
“Go ahead. Oh and if it rains expect to get wet because there are holes in the roof.”
“Thanks. Maybe you should start fixing that.”
“Are we ready to move?” asked Makajeh with his huge bastard sword strapped to his back.
“Yes but… are you sure were strong enough to destroy Valeria and kill everyone?”
“Why not? Most of our men are immune to their magic and only a few of them carry physical weapons.”
“The thing is… that they outnumber us by a lot.”
“With us being immune to their attacks and a special weapon I developed who cares. Beside they have no knowledge of us.”
“Excuse me, sir. Do you have any scrolls here?” asked Rone.
“Yea they’re in the back,” said the librarian a little tired and busy.
As Rone was walking to the back he heard kids screaming in the playground next to the library. Knowing that this happens on a usual basis he ignored the screams. As he reached the back he noticed there were more scrolls than usual. Like a kid in a candy store he grabbed all the scrolls off the shelf and took them to the table. He opened one of them and didn’t recognize the writing.
“Sir, can you come here for a minute?” asked Rone to the almost asleep librarian.
“Yea what is it?”
“Have you ever seen this writing before?”
As the librarian looked at the scroll he looked like he just drank
ten cups of coffee.
“So you have seen this writing before.”
“Yes, but only once. It is the writing of a dead language that is so majestic it creates magic.”
“But we don’t have to say anything for our magic.”
“That is because this magic is for more powerful than any spell we use.”
“I’ve got to find out how to…” Before Rone could finish an explosion sounded in the general direction of the gate. As soon as the librarian recovered from the shock, he picked up the scroll and kicked over the desk facing the door to protect Rone and gave Rone the scroll. Then he got up and started running off.
“Whereyagoin?” asked Rone frightened.
“I’m going to set up a trap. Oh and if I die and you’re surrounded open the scroll and throw it on the ground.”
Soon after the librarian left, Rone heard the door get knocked
off its hinges. He heard whispering. He heard one of the attackers say they were part of the order of the Ankishi then heard sizzling sounds like fire and lightning. After a while, he decided to take a look because the sounds persisted. When he popped his head up he saw two men covered completely in black armor that was glowing with a red and black hellish aura and huge swords. He also saw the librarian with a white and purple aura around his hands.
“All that magic was a waste,” said one of the Ankishi.
“Yea there is no way you can kill us,” said the other Ankishi
“We’ll see about that,” said the librarian as he rushed forward
towards the Ankishi. The Ankishi didn’t move and when the librarian got in reach one of them slashed his sword low and the other slashed his sword high. The librarian, expecting this ducked and jumped to dodge both attacks. He quickly recovered and stood up. He grabbed on to the Ankishi’s helmets and threw them off. He then touched the exposed skin and said magical words that made Rone think of a place like heaven. The aura around his hands turned completely purple then to dark purple. The Ankishi who were still recovering from there strong swings shrieked before they fell to the floor soulless and headless.
The librarian quickly turned to Rone and said, “Hurry up; we must get out of Valeria.”
Rone quickly stood up, stuffed all the scrolls in his bag, and followed the
librarian out of the library with his bag of scrolls. As they were half way across the kids playground Rone stopped and kneeled over a dead body and started to cry. The librarian hearing him cry rushed to his side to see a young girl’s body that was completely covered in blood and had several gashes from sword wounds.
“Did you know this girl?” asked the librarian in a caring voice
knowing the answer.
After a moment Rone stopped crying and said, “Yes she’s my little sis.”
The librarian unexpectedly threw Rone out of the way of a shadow ball that would have killed Rone. All Rone knew was that he had a sharp pain in his ankle and the same sizzling sounds that he heard in the library.
As Rone looked up he saw the librarian rushing towards another Ankishi but this time the Ankishi didn’t have a helmet so the librarian had an advantage. When the librarian was in reach the Ankishi swung his sword. The librarian slid underneath the blade and stood up right behind the Ankishi. He used the same spell that he had in the library. However this time the Ankishi didn’t make and sound and fell to the floor headless and lifeless.
“Hurry. I’m sure there’s more,” said the librarian in a little more frantic voice.
“I can’t walk. My ankle’s been hit.”
The librarian picked him up without complaining and started running towards the town gate, which was smoking. After about a half an hour with no confrontations, the librarian had gotten out of the city, a little tense, expecting a trap.
“Getting out was too easy,” whispered the librarian more to himself then to Rone.
Rone looked at him knowing he was right. Soon after, the librarian stopped and said, “We’re surrounded.”
Right after he said that there was a huge explosion that might’ve destroyed all of Valeria. Rone wasn’t fazed by the explosion at
all. He was to busy trying to look for any clues of them being surrounded. After his ears stopped ringing he heard brush around them being shaken.
All of a sudden Rone was dropped by the librarian. He looked at the librarian and saw the life slowly draining out of him.
“Remember…what I said…about the scroll,” gasped the librarian, as the last vestiges of life drained out of him. Rone quickly grabbed the scroll out of his pouch and opened it. As one of the men surrounding him attacked, he grabbed the librarian and threw the scroll on the ground. A huge ball of dark purple flame enveloped everything around the scroll. After the ball of flame imploded and disappeared, Rone saw that everything around him was charred except for him, the scroll, and the librarian’s dead body. Soon after the ball of flame disappeared Rone started getting dizzy and fainted with a knife in his left shoulder.
