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Shine
My life=Randomness
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 Posted: Sun Mar 25, 2007 7:22 am Post subject: Friendship. |
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May my friendships always be
The most important thing to me;
With special friends I feel I'm blessed,
So let me give my very best.
I want to do much more than share
The hopes and plans of friends who care;
I'll try all that a friend can do
To make their secret dreams come true.
Let me use my heart to see,
To realize what friends can be,
And make no judgments from afar,
But love my friends the way they are
Friends are quiet angels who lift us to our feet
when our wings have trouble remembering how to fly............. |
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Mad
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| Posted: Sun Mar 25, 2007 7:32 am Post subject: |
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Nice poem ANI.
Does the line spacing mean something?
I thought it was a very pretty poem, makes me want to go out and see my friends right now. My favourite stanza is probably the first one, it flows really well.
A small criticsm is that I dont think you should have used the same word twice to end a line becuase of the rhyme (I'm talking about "be") I dont think it helps the flow in a short poem where you can notice something like that. but then I dont think it really makes that much difference.
It was good, nice to read a happy poem 
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Magyk
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| Posted: Sun Mar 25, 2007 6:29 pm Post subject: |
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| I love the layout of this poem. It's really interesting. I also like the ryhming. It's a really nice poem but I won't try to make you change anything because I don't feel you can critique poetry as it is what comes from the heart that counts.
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Suzanne
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| Posted: Sun Mar 25, 2007 9:07 pm Post subject: |
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All but the last stanza was good. You had a rhyming pattern, and then it went out the window.
The meaning behind it is great, though not original, but you did it in a cute way to where it is excusable ^_^ I didn't like the voice that much, it felt kind of hum-drum and flat, I think because the rhymes were so simple, along with the words. It just didn't come off good to me...but the poem, anyhow, was cute to read.
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Shine
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| Posted: Tue Mar 27, 2007 6:57 pm Post subject: |
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Thanx everyone!
Mad:The spacing didn't really mean something.I just layed out trhe poem in that manner...lol...I know thats craziness..lolz
Good to get the comments.
~Ani~
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gymnast_789
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| Posted: Wed Mar 28, 2007 10:55 pm Post subject: |
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| Really good! I liked the ending the best.
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Shine
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| Posted: Tue Apr 10, 2007 10:16 am Post subject: |
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| Thank u Gymnast.....
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carelessaussie13
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| Posted: Tue Apr 10, 2007 2:44 pm Post subject: |
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| I love these poems about friendship because everyone has a different way of looking at their friends. This was a beautiful poem, but he rhyme seemed kind of forced to me, like you had to change what you wanted to express here in order to make it rhyme. I would tinker with it a bit. Also the last stanza was in a totally different rhythm. What was up with that?
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piepiemann22
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| Posted: Sun Apr 15, 2007 8:41 pm Post subject: |
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Let me use my heart to see,
To realize what friends can be,
And make no judgments from afar,
But love my friends the way they are
This line dosen't seem to fit with the rhythem of the others. Maybe try freindships instead of frriends.
Best wishes 
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theron guard
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| Posted: Mon May 21, 2007 5:32 pm Post subject: |
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| Only a few non-rhyming mistakes in some of the lines. Overall, I love poems like this. Very good job.
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miyaviloves
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| Posted: Mon May 21, 2007 5:36 pm Post subject: |
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I agree with it being a pretty poem, it was very cute sweet and well nice
I like poems like this, itrs refreashing after reading so many teen angst poems!
Thankyou for writing this!
Meevs
x
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Girl_in_pink
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| Posted: Wed May 23, 2007 9:55 am Post subject: TOtally fab |
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I really love this poem, it reminds me of my own past and is a great read..xoxxo
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| This is soo where im fromm and i think thats where this poem about friend ships brings me back 2 |
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Shine
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| Posted: Fri Sep 28, 2007 10:09 am Post subject: |
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carelessaussie13:The last two lines were like the true conclusion of the poem,or you can say thats the point I wanted to bring out.And I admit that I couldn't bring that line into rythm with the rest of the poem.And I thought even if I try the main point may not come out so....and thats very true that everyone has various way of looking at their friends.
piepiemann22:Yeah that would help I guess,that would make the line more perfect.Thanx for the suggestion.
theron guard :glad you liked it.
miyaviloves:your welcome and thank you for reading my work.
Girl_in_pink:Hey thats a nice poem of yours.
Thanx everyone!
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jynxypanda
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| Posted: Fri Sep 28, 2007 10:57 am Post subject: |
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| Sniff... this poem is so sentimental! Really liked it! It also made me want to reach out my friends but... they're probably at home eating or something! haaahaa! I loved the third and final stanzas! Good job! =)
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Someguy
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| Posted: Fri Sep 28, 2007 8:29 pm Post subject: |
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| I love the rythym and the flow. It was fantastic until you got to the last stanza. You need to fix that last one.
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