Topic ID: 14553
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Fabien
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 Posted: Thu Mar 29, 2007 6:33 am Post subject: Lovers & Thieves |
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As we lay together in each other’s arms,
there’s no need to raise the alarm.
We silently steal each other’s hate
while we lie in wait.
For we’re just lovers and thieves.
One of us throws back the covers and leaves
with something clear and near and dear to the other.
For we’re just lovers and thieves.
Nothing can deal us harm,
except each other in each other’s arms.
Love to steal, steal to love ‘til it’s too late
while we tempt each other with each other’s fate.
For we’re just lovers and thieves.
One of us throws back the covers and leaves
with something clear and near and dear to the other.
For we’re just lovers and thieves.
---
by Fabien Belcourt
February 17, 2007 |
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Last edited by Fabien on Thu Oct 25, 2007 8:16 am; edited 2 times in total |
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Chevy
science, again.
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| Posted: Thu Mar 29, 2007 5:52 pm Post subject: |
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Wow, I love the theme. 'Lovers and Thieves' really rang a bell for me. It was repetitive/consistent enough to be a song, but wasn't at all hasty or overbearing. I read it twice, actually.
"Love to steal, steal to love ‘til it’s too late" was probably the line that stuck out the most to me considering it combines the meaning of 'Lovers and Thieves.' I have no idea what I would have done to bring out the meaning, but you definitely explained it well in that line. |
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Riedawriter23
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| Posted: Fri Mar 30, 2007 6:39 am Post subject: |
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Wonderful lyrics. I too love the theme, it's very new and different. I can actually imagine singing this...I did matter-o-fact. Probably not in the tune you intended, but it came out nice. Lol
Keep it up!
~Rieda |
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Fabien
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| Posted: Sun Apr 08, 2007 10:47 am Post subject: |
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Thank you Chevy for your kind words. It's nice to hear you didn't think it was overbearing, I was worried about that. Glad I got the meaning across.
Riedawriter23, I thought it was new, but different - I didn't expect. Haha, you actually sung it, that's great, that's never happened before! That's quite the compliment. Don't worry about the tune, my vocals are rubbish, all I intended it to be was a song - I hadn't even thought of the tune.
So once again thanks! |
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The surrounding world
was an ugly one,
but we needed no beauty
other than the light
within each other's eyes. - "Modern World" * topic15452 |
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Fand
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| Posted: Tue Apr 10, 2007 3:57 pm Post subject: |
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| I love this, Fabien, especially that chorus. "One of us throws back the covers and leaves / with something clear and near and dear to the other." Absolutely gorgeous! I'd love to hear it set to music. |
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Ares
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| Posted: Sun Apr 15, 2007 2:53 am Post subject: |
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| This is pretty cool. The last line of the 1st stanza's too short I think. Other than that idunno. Maybe you could make it a little longer. I like the theme though, and it'd probably be pretty cool as a song. |
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Thriving Fire
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| Posted: Sun Apr 15, 2007 5:08 pm Post subject: |
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Hmm, 'tis an interesting idea, this. I don't think I've ever heard a song about theives and such, so that in itself is definately original. But you need more than an original theme, and with that in mind...
Flow is a problem in this. Some words just don't 'fit' as snugly as a song should, like this:
| Quote: |
We silently steal each other’s hate
while we lie in wait. |
I'm not quite sure what it is, but there's something that doesn't sound right about that line. Yeah, the words are nice, but that doesn't make a difference if they don't fit, ya know?
I'm being overly critical here, so don't take it too harshly. In fact, take it as a compliment: I see a lot of potential here, it just needs to be worked on, patched up, that sort of thing.
Apart from the theme of course. It really is brilliant, by the way 
Good Work. |
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BFG
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| Posted: Sat May 12, 2007 4:46 am Post subject: |
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| I really like this. The amount of repetition is perfect, and the chorus is great. It's a good lengh, too, and I love the title. You should totally find a tune to fit it! |
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