Topic ID: 14824
|
View previous topic :: View next topic |
| Author |
Message |
маттѕтея
Senior Writer
Gender: 
Age: 21
Joined: 20 Mar 2007
Posts: 215
Reviews: 50
Country: Australia
300 Points
|
 Posted: Thu Apr 05, 2007 11:19 am Post subject: The Fire Within |
 |
|
Ok... this song is based on the main character of my would-be comic, Infra, and it might not be possible to properly appreciate the song without knowing him. So, a short bio!
Infra is a strange demon that somewhat resembles a chibi jester (and was ridiculed and even attacked by other demons for it). At the beginning of the story he works for Lucifer but is quickly dismissed and replaced. Since then his utmost desire is revenge on Lucifer, even when he is offered his position back. Infra is a pyrokinetic - his most common attacks are flaming punches and fireballs, as well as fire-based magic attacks.
And now, of course, for the song.
---------------------------------
The Fire Within
Verse 1:
Never one to be distracted
Never thought before I acted
Never sure until I cracked it
Now I know what to do
Never pause to rest or breathe
Never hide things up my sleeve
Never stop till I retrieve
The key to make it through
Bridge 1:
I don't know what you've been told
Let me set the record straight
I don't fight for good or gold
I fight 'cause it's my fate
Chorus:
Fire, spread across the land
Fire, held inside my hand
Fire, bringing light to dark
Fire burn, the inner spark
This is all you'll ever see
The fire lives in me
Verse 2:
Always there when the heat is on
Always been looked down upon
Always fight with heart of stone
You're cancer, I'm the cure
Always ready with the flame
Always win your evil game
Always savage, never tame
I'll take you down for sure
Bridge 2:
I don't know why I am here
But I'm not one to debate
Strike you like a steel spear
The power of my hate
Chorus again:
Fire, spread across the land
Fire, held inside my hand
Fire, bringing light to dark
Fire burn, the inner spark
This is all you'll ever see
The fire lives in me
---------------------------------
As to what it sounds like... It would be a Hard Rock-style song... if anyone's ever heard anything by Crush 40 (specifically "I Am (All Of Me)" and "Live and Learn"), that's what it'd be like. I'm not entirely happy with the second verse/bridge and am open for suggestion. ^_^ |
_________________
"Look at the 'wonders' of modern technology now."
"Wonders... or blunders?"
"Thanks, I think that was implied by what I said."
"Implied... or implode?"
Last edited by маттѕтея on Sat Feb 23, 2008 4:27 pm; edited 3 times in total |
|
| Back to top |
|
|
|
Tina
Writer
Gender: 
Age: 18
Joined: 16 Feb 2007
Posts: 97
Reviews: 49
Country: America
300 Points
|
| Posted: Thu Apr 05, 2007 2:12 pm Post subject: Re: The Fire Within |
|
|
This is really good Matt!
This is my favorite part:
| Quote: |
Chorus:
Fire, spread across the land
Fire, held inside my hand
Fire, bringing light to dark
Fire burn, the inner spark
This is all you'll ever see
The fire lives in me |
I really liked it!
^_^
~Tina |
_________________
"Theoretically, if you go to the past in the future, then your future lies in the past. This is a picture of you in the future - in the past."
~Kate and Leopold
Last edited by Tina on Fri Apr 06, 2007 5:16 pm; edited 1 time in total |
|
| Back to top |
|
Alteran
I kissed a Girl.... Not a Fan
Master of the Forum
Gender:
Age: 20
Joined: 10 May 2006
Posts: 2322
Reviews: 614
Country: Atlantis
346 Points
|
| Posted: Fri Apr 06, 2007 6:22 am Post subject: |
|
|
Very cool.
I though it was great the way it was but you have to like it for others to like it. |
_________________
"Maybe Senpai ate Yuka-tan's last bon-bon?"
----Stupei, Ace Defective
Once Upon an Adam_Atlantian |
|
| Back to top |
|
Honyflame
Junior Writer
Gender:
Age: 23
Joined: 31 Mar 2007
Posts: 20
Reviews: 16
Country: New Zealand
300 Points
|
| Posted: Fri Apr 06, 2007 11:16 am Post subject: |
|
|
| that was very good, i like your style!! |
_________________
LOve me.  |
|
| Back to top |
|
magiclukehutch
Senior Writer
Gender:
Age: 13
Joined: 05 Aug 2006
Posts: 130
Reviews: 45
Country: Scotland
300 Points
|
| Posted: Fri Apr 06, 2007 11:23 am Post subject: |
|
|
I like the song. But I couldn't give you any critique because I have no skills in song writing. Well done!  |
_________________
Always happy to help! |
|
| Back to top |
|
Nutty
Edward wishes he was Vincent Valentine
Speaker of the Forum
Gender:
Age: 16
Joined: 02 Mar 2007
Posts: 933
Reviews: 166
Country: Aotearoa New Zealand
300 Points
|
| Posted: Sun May 20, 2007 9:08 am Post subject: |
|
|
Nice. Just want to hear the tune now.
*gasps*
Isnt this like... the ONLY thing you've posted? |
_________________
"Please never have a character laugh mischievously, or cry sadly, or I shall have to hit you with a wet fish." -Brigid Lowry
Need a review?- http://www.youngwriterssociety.com/topic37478.html |
|
| Back to top |
|
Insomnia
The meaning of life is stuck to your shoe!
Speaker of the Forum
Gender:
Age: 16
Joined: 21 Mar 2007
Posts: 540
Reviews: 226
Country: New Zealand
300 Points
|
| Posted: Sun May 20, 2007 9:14 am Post subject: |
|
|
Well, you asked me to crit this, so =O! This is really good. But I don't have anything to crit, that's the problem. I just find myself wondering if you can actually sing lol! I have the talent of a goldfish. >_< So, good job.
I find myself thinking this crit is a bit behind... But anyways, yay for my 100th post (yes, I realise it's creepy to know that lol). So, Go Matt.  |
_________________
If you want a critique, just ask in my Will Review For Food thread.
http://www.youngwriterssociety.com/topic40056.html |
|
| Back to top |
|
CK Lynn
Novelist
Gender:
Age: 13
Joined: 18 Jan 2007
Posts: 364
Reviews: 223
Country: United States
307 Points
|
| Posted: Wed May 23, 2007 7:49 pm Post subject: |
|
|
| I really liked the fire verse. But this character sounds way boring, really uptight. |
|
|
| Back to top |
|
whence
look, it's a whence.
Speaker of the Forum
Gender:
Age: 17
Joined: 12 May 2007
Posts: 705
Reviews: 314
Country: For Old Men (take that, Coen brothers)
300 Points
|
| Posted: Thu May 24, 2007 4:57 am Post subject: |
|
|
The main thing that bugged me about this was the last line of the chorus. It seems to be missing a syllable or two [or at least that's how I read it]. Perhaps "Flames inside of me" or something of the sort could work better.
But these are some solid lyrics. Your flow is spot-on, and it reads cleanly and nicely. Well-done. It's good to see someone who can actually write lyrics AND stick to format AND have it turn out good. (Unlike me :p)
~Ed |
_________________
The good parts of a book may be only something a writer is lucky enough to overhear or it may be the wreck of his whole damn life — and one is as good as the other.
Ernest Hemingway
I'm reminding myself to crit this |
|
| Back to top |
|
Sohini
Her Meowness
Master of the Forum
Gender:
Age: 17
Joined: 25 Sep 2005
Posts: 1049
Reviews: 408
Country: ... my ink-splotched dreams
300 Points
|
| Posted: Mon Jun 04, 2007 7:44 am Post subject: |
|
|
| Hey that was really wonderful. the lyrics was powerful and hard-rock will do it even more! |
_________________
Calvin : You can't just turn on creativity like a faucet. You have to be in the right mood.
Hobbes : What mood is that?
Calvin : Last-minute panic. |
|
| Back to top |
|
-Save-Ferris-
Senior Writer
Gender:
Age: 15
Joined: 26 Jul 2007
Posts: 192
Reviews: 112
Country: Scotland
300 Points
|
| Posted: Fri Jul 27, 2007 2:02 pm Post subject: Wow |
|
|
I would be incredibly proud of that Mattstor/Mattster.
Very powerful and descriptive. I have nothing more to say on the matter. |
_________________
“Promise me you'll never forget me because if I thought you would I'd never leave.” |
|
| Back to top |
|
Kitty15
Queen of The Venus fly Trap
Writer of Legend
Gender:
Age: 18
Joined: 15 May 2007
Posts: 5559
Reviews: 1356
Country: England
845 Points
|
| Posted: Fri Jul 27, 2007 2:38 pm Post subject: |
|
|
| Very good. The rhythm is perfect and It's so easy to imagine it being sung. Good job. |
_________________
Alwaysawriter's advertising space. Hands off until she knows what to put here. |
|
| Back to top |
|
woodland wolf
Junior Writer
Gender:
Age: 17
Joined: 08 Aug 2007
Posts: 24
Reviews: 17
Country: scotland
300 Points
|
| Posted: Thu Aug 09, 2007 11:59 am Post subject: |
|
|
| WOW, that was cool. do you have any tabbs or something? an nice eletric guita solo could go into that it seems like soft rock to me? is it fast paced? nice work! |
|
|
| Back to top |
|
sokool15
"Good God, you're a woman!"
Speaker of the Forum
Gender:
Age: 17
Joined: 11 Dec 2006
Posts: 706
Reviews: 374
Country: Wunderbar!
300 Points
|
| Posted: Fri Aug 10, 2007 1:21 am Post subject: |
|
|
[pre:1add64524d]Do you have a way you could record the song and post it on myspace or something? I'd love to hear it.
This was a great song, and I think you were wrong. Sure, to know about the character gives us what context you were thinking of when you wrote it, but writing in first person gives the listener the perfect chance to exercise their own imagination and try to discern what kind of a character's thoughts we are hearing.
Rhythm and rhyme was consistent, good job. So many aren't. Way to keep it in an actual format...a lot of people don't know how to do that. The words were really cool!
Again, this song could totally stand on it's own. You don't need to give us the history.
Yours truly, The Kool One 
P.S. yeah, do you have tabs? Oh, and have you actually tried playing it with like a band or a guitar or something, or is it still in your head?[/pre:1add64524d] |
_________________
"Two things are infinite: the universe and human stupidity; and I'm not sure about the universe."
~Albert Einstein |
|
| Back to top |
|
|
|
маттѕтея
Senior Writer
Gender:
Age: 21
Joined: 20 Mar 2007
Posts: 215
Reviews: 50
Country: Australia
300 Points
|
| Posted: Fri Aug 10, 2007 1:26 am Post subject: |
|
|
Heh, thanks guys for your compliments.
Unfortunately I'm not in a band and don't play instruments or anything, and so as of yet this song has never been performed, so I can't really upload it. But if any friends' bands end up performing it this thread will be the first to know.
I'm still not happy with that line "You're cancer, I'm the cure". Any suggestions? |
_________________
"Look at the 'wonders' of modern technology now."
"Wonders... or blunders?"
"Thanks, I think that was implied by what I said."
"Implied... or implode?" |
|
| Back to top |
|
|
