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Blind - Prologue
Blind - Prologue

by Meep(: in Romantic Fiction
Young Writers Society Forum Index » Fantasy Fiction

This thread was created on April 3, 2007
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Tamia's quest part I and II
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Tamia's quest X
Tamia's quest XI
Tamia's quest XII
Tamia's quest XIII
Tamia's quest XIV
Tamia's quest, chapter one
Tamia's quest

Tamia's quest V

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Nutty   View This User's Portfolio
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PostPosted: Wed Apr 04, 2007 1:56 am    Post subject: Tamia's quest V Reply with quote

Tamia gasped.

"You.... You have.... you have a....tail?

"What? This old thing? Dont worry 'bout it love." He gave her a wicked grin.

"Just come with me."

With that the figure span and ran through the foliage, skipping through the undergrowth like a hare.

Tamia, on the other hand, was still dazed from her ordeal and almost fell over as soon as she started.

"Oh come 'n! You can do better then tha'!

"How can I trust you?"

"What? not trust a complete stranger you met in the bush? Ridiculous!"

"That... Isnt a good enough answer."

"Who are you? Me mum? Just come on!" He skipped away before she could argue.

Tamia gritted her teeth, forced herself to calm down, and ran.

***

"What did you mean by saviour?" Tamia sipped the brew suspicously.

"What? Oh. That."

He sat down on the other side of the fire.

They were camped underneath a ledge, jutting off a cliff face that erupted from the trees. Over hanging flowers lent the camp a sweet, heady smell, and tamia was beginning to relax.

"Let me introduce meself. I'm Elyn... Just call me Elyn."

Tamia noticed the exclusion of the surname, but decided not to press the point.

"So... what are you exactly? Why are you here? do you live here?"

"Well... I did... I am one of what they call the Tree people. But I ran away. Not enough action in our village. Then.... well, let's just say I'm here to help you."

Tamia was not pleased with this explination, but she was too weary to argue.

"So, miss Tamia, what about you?"

"I...." Tamia frowned.

"I lived... I lived in a cottage?"

She struggled with the blackness that was her memory.

"There was me... and Mother..."

Tamia's eyes widened as her memories rushed back.

"No... I won't say..." She gasped.

She glared at the young man sitting across from her.

"I cant trust you... Not yet. I don't even know you."

Elyn nodded.

"Fine. I shall just have to wait." His face then burst in to a grin.

"I will have the time to wait. Count on it."


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Tamora   View This User's Portfolio
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PostPosted: Wed Apr 04, 2007 2:07 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

That end part is a bit confusing. When you start to talk about her past the second sentance looks like he says it. Just think about how to correct it.
It's great otherwise, I'm looking forward to how you'll develop this new charactor, I'm intrigued (my new favourite word).
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PostPosted: Wed Apr 04, 2007 3:32 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

M.... interesting. Like Tamora said, fix how it looks like Elyn talking. I like how your new character is so secretive as well. I'll check back in some other time to see anything new.
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PostPosted: Thu Apr 05, 2007 12:44 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Coolage. I guess it sort of does look like he said "I lived in a cottage"... I didn't really notice it at first though.

Aww... I don't like the line "Count on it" but that's purely because it reminds me of the English dubbed Naruto's "Believe it!" so don't change that.

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PostPosted: Mon May 21, 2007 5:27 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

There's a few missing capitals, and you need to space out the dialogue in the last part. I like Elyn. Wink

-Twit

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PostPosted: Sat Jun 02, 2007 10:38 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

I've said go over this with the link in chat, but ya're getting much better at this, a few punuaction and apostrophes missed. Anyway Elyn reminds me so much of Quinn. The meeting reminds me so much of Alex's and Quinn's first meeting. Both were depressed when they met the crazy opposite. Now on next part. Sorry got into a little rant there hehe XD.

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This thread was created on April 3, 2007

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