Topic ID: 14413
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sezPez
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 Posted: Sun Mar 25, 2007 1:29 am Post subject: Human Eventuality |
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If I were to tell you that a crazed, armed killer cloaked in black would be walking down the same street as you are within the next 5 minutes, then obviously you would react in some sort of manner. Given the fact that you do not know me and don't trust my heedful advice, then you will continue to trudge along the street and end up dead when the killer comes. If, however, you followed my advice and actually went off the street, then you will end up living happily ever after. Until another cloaked person comes.
One can describe this phenomena as human eventuality. At any given point in the day, something can and will happen to a person, and how they will come out of it matters on what they do when it's there. The example I have given you points this out and, quite obviously, illustrates how important each decision is, no matter how small. The person who does not follow simply thinks that I am a raving lunatic who most likely escaped out of a mental facility and is in dire need of medical attention. The person who does is simply a raving lunatic who most likely just escape out of a mental facility and is in dire need of medical attention for nobody should heed the advice of strangers. Especially ones who are dressed in shorts and a Hawaiian shirt while its December in Pittsburgh.
Needless to say, choosing the right decision at the right time can be morally ambiguous. One is dressed in a tutu with a disfigured troll like face, while the other is a head with no body (though it is the head of Angelina Jolie). Both look tempting to choose, yet one cannot choose both. Only one. Much in the same way as a person cannot both have pop rocks and Coke at the same time, for that's just plain stupid.
So, you ask, how do I choose? While it sounds awfully complex in design, one method can systematically rid of this problem. Follow the following steps carefully:
I.Take a dry piece of paper that was soaked in vinegar.
II.Take a #2 pencil, break it in half. Take the piece with no eraser, sharpen both ends, and write both choices on the paper individually with different ends.
III.Close your eyes and take a deep, deep breath. Take a finger from anybody around you and slam it at random on the paper 5 times. After the 5th time, slam one of your own fingers in the paper 1 time. Whichever choice its farther from is the one you should point to at the time.
IV.Repeat the chant INNY MINNY MINY MOE, WHO'S THE STINKING SMELLY FOE?! while repeatedly moving your finger back and forth the choices with each syllable.
Congratulations. You have just tackled your problem in a very precise manner while simultaneously hurting somebody else's fingers.
Now you have done this and got the right choice, do it. There's nothing worse than somebody afraid to use the power of their own randomness. Do not fret so about the wisdom of the choice, for think that you will only achieve greatness in its execution. After that, you can revel in the bliss for as long as you want – in fact, I might give you a cookie if you do. I just might. |
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Snoink
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| Posted: Wed Apr 04, 2007 3:28 am Post subject: |
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Yay! This was refreshingly funny. One thing that you might want to do is to space it out into paragraphs, because some of our critiquers go into spastic fits when they see a big block of text, but for those that are just reading to enjoy, they have plenty of material to enjoy. 
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Lady Pirate
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| Posted: Sun Apr 08, 2007 12:05 am Post subject: |
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| I am normally a very indecisive person, now I have a way to make decisions, now all I have to do is find a way to carry vinegar around with me, without it smelling…hmm..... |
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sezPez
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| Posted: Mon Apr 09, 2007 2:28 am Post subject: |
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Glad to help  Oh, and I did put it in paragraphs, but for some reason the indents disappeared. |
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