Topic ID: 14587
|
View previous topic :: View next topic |
| Author |
Message |
Riedawriter23
La Vampiress
Speaker of the Forum
Gender: 
Age: 15
Joined: 01 Jan 2007
Posts: 722
Reviews: 515
Country: Imageline, world of the immortals
300 Points
|
 Posted: Fri Mar 30, 2007 8:27 am Post subject: No more crying |
 |
|
No reason to cry.
This thing’s no longer a life.
That’s ended.
No reason to cry.
This thing’s no longer a life.
That’s ended.
Wait until we meet again,
and just hold me baby.
It is so hard to pretend
that you mean nothing to me.
This is something I’ve just realized
that affects my whole life.
It’s hard to be alone
But there’s no reason oh…
No reason to cry.
This thing’s no longer a life.
That’s ended.
No reason to cry.
This thing’s no longer a life.
That’s ended.
I’ve stopped wishing I were her.
I’ve taken my own path.
I just wanted to confer.
That this isn’t my last…
time coming into your life.
I love you. I’ll say it again.
She can’t have you, she lied
because you’re still my friend.
No reason to cry.
This thing’s no longer a life.
That’s ended.
No reason to cry.
This thing’s no longer a life.
That’s ended.
Now it’s over and it’s done.
I’ll try for you no longer.
It’s now your turn to run
and I get to be stronger.
I can’t wait until I’m free
This burning passion leaves my soul
You no longer hold me
And I am free to go.
No reason to cry.
This thing’s no longer a life.
That’s ended.
No reason to cry.
This thing’s no longer a life.
That’s ended. |
_________________
Oh water strong, that swirls along I prithee a werewolf make me.
Of all things dear, my soul, I swear, In death shall not forsake thee.
~Proverb
Got YWS? Rick FTW!!!! 
*This wonderful crit is brought to you by CCF!* |
|
| Back to top |
|
|
|
niteowl
I'm an ol' king bee, honey,
Epic Novelist
Gender:
Age: 18
Joined: 28 Nov 2004
Posts: 3896
Reviews: 363
Country: somewhere in America
391 Points
|
| Posted: Sat Mar 31, 2007 10:29 pm Post subject: |
|
|
Overall, liked it. Except for in the line "This thing's no longer a life", do you mean "alive?" I think it makes more sense that way.
Otherwise, great jub!  |
_________________
"You do ill if you praise, but worse if you censure, what you do not understand." Leonardo Da Vinci
Got YWS?
"Whoever said senior year was easier than junior year lied through their teeth" A friend of mine |
|
| Back to top |
|
totalSNIPER
Junior Writer
Gender: 
Age: 18
Joined: 14 Feb 2008
Posts: 26
Reviews: 25
300 Points
|
| Posted: Sat Feb 23, 2008 2:13 am Post subject: |
|
|
| i liked it it was good.......ttyl.....keep up the good work^_^ |
|
|
| Back to top |
|
Moe_Moe17
Writer
Gender:
Age: 18
Joined: 24 Jan 2008
Posts: 55
Reviews: 36
Country: A little town somewhere between here and there
300 Points
|
| Posted: Fri Feb 29, 2008 3:13 pm Post subject: poem |
|
|
| this poem was good it really stood out to me |
|
|
| Back to top |
|
Rock n' Roll Queen
Junior Writer
Gender:
Age: 16
Joined: 25 Feb 2008
Posts: 37
Reviews: 30
Country: USA
300 Points
|
| Posted: Wed Mar 05, 2008 6:56 pm Post subject: |
|
|
| I really liked it. Great job |
_________________
"Music in the soul can be heard by the universe" -Lao-Tzu |
|
| Back to top |
|
Kalliope
Senior Writer
Gender:
Age: 15
Joined: 24 Sep 2007
Posts: 218
Reviews: 104
Country: somewhere between heaven and hell
513 Points
|
| Posted: Wed Mar 19, 2008 11:58 am Post subject: |
|
|
Hey Rieda,
I really liked this. It has a lovely flow, a clear message and even though this topic has been written about a million times I find it special.
| Quote: |
No reason to cry.
This thing’s no longer a life.
That’s ended.
No reason to cry.
This thing’s no longer a life.
That’s ended. |
Your chorous works ver well because of its simplicity. It keeps the song from getting too wrdy and still has a lot of feeling in it.
| Quote: |
I’ve stopped wishing I were her.
I’ve taken my own path.
I just wanted to confer.
That this isn’t my last…
time coming into your life.
I love you. I’ll say it again.
She can’t have you, she lied
because you’re still my friend. |
I love the way you connected these two verses.
Sorry, I can't say anything helpful, but that it should stay the way it is and I'd love to hear it with music
All the best,
~Kalliope |
|
|
| Back to top |
|
[deleted1]
Loves Lindsay-Baby forever. <3
Speaker of the Forum
Gender:
Age: 18
Joined: 02 Mar 2007
Posts: 785
Reviews: 189
Country: Toledo
300 Points
|
| Posted: Tue Apr 08, 2008 12:14 am Post subject: Re: No more crying |
|
|
| Riedawriter23 wrote: |
No reason to cry.
This thing’s no longer a life.
That’s ended.
No reason to cry.
This thing’s no longer a life.
That’s ended.
Wait until we meet again,
and just hold me baby.
It is so hard to pretend
that you mean nothing to me.
This is something I’ve just realized
that affects my whole life.
It’s hard to be alone
But there’s no reason oh…
No reason to cry.
This thing’s no longer a life.
That’s ended.
No reason to cry.
This thing’s no longer a life.
That’s ended.
I’ve stopped wishing I were her.
I’ve taken my own path.
I just wanted to confer.
That this isn’t my last… |
time coming into your life.
I love you. I’ll say it again.
She can’t have you, she lied
because you’re still my friend.
No reason to cry.
This thing’s no longer a life.
That’s ended.
No reason to cry.
This thing’s no longer a life.
That’s ended.
Now it’s over and it’s done.
I’ll try for you no longer.
It’s now your turn to run
and I get to be stronger.
I can’t wait until I’m free
This burning passion leaves my soul
You no longer hold me
And I am free to go.
No reason to cry.
This thing’s no longer a life.
That’s ended.
No reason to cry.
This thing’s no longer a life.
That’s ended.[/quote]
This is really good, Rieda. I love the chorus and all the verses, It's a sad but sweet poem. I liked how you showed so much emotion into this piece. I love the rhyming and rhythm a lot. I do want to qoute a couple verses though.
| Quote: |
This is something I’ve just realized
that affects my whole life.
It’s hard to be alone
But there’s no reason oh… |
The last line in that kills the rhythm you had going. What do you mean by "oh..."?
| Quote: |
I’ve stopped wishing I were her.
I’ve taken my own path.
I just wanted to confer.
That this isn’t my last… |
What do you mean by "confer"? I fon't understand that. I do like the rhyming in that verse though.
Other than that, very good work, Rieda. Keep up the good work.
-Rick. |
|
|
| Back to top |
|
chocoholic
Give me the chocolate and nobody gets hurt
Master of the Forum
Gender:
Age: 14
Joined: 31 May 2007
Posts: 1508
Reviews: 484
Country: Raxacoricofallapatorius
731 Points
|
|
| Back to top |
|
Eva 040
Junior Writer
Age: 15
Joined: 17 Nov 2007
Posts: 48
Reviews: 26
300 Points
|
| Posted: Sun May 11, 2008 12:49 pm Post subject: |
|
|
It's very graphic, thats one of the things il ove about your work, theres lots of imagery in it, its a pleasure to read =]
The lyrics really have so much meaning, theres so much in there.
It flows and you can imagine a melody behind it, it really works ^.^
Its passionate, has got feeling, and it works, thats all i can say, it works really well =]
It's quite sylish, i dont know if it falls under any real genre, its ike romance alternative i guess ^_^
Anyway, tis amazing =]
Keep it up, Eva XxXxX |
_________________
XxXxX |
|
| Back to top |
|
|
