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Wind Blown Heart
Wind Blown Heart

by The.Dreamwalker in Fantasy Fiction
Young Writers Society Forum Index » Fanfiction

This thread was created on March 29, 2007
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Chicken Wars

Topic ID: 14568
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ConorR   View This User's Portfolio
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PostPosted: Thu Mar 29, 2007 5:41 pm    Post subject: Chicken Wars Reply with quote

" These are very dark time's young Cluck skywalker." said obi one Hen one

" what do you mean Obi one Hen one?" asked Cluck S

" for over a thousand million years us free range chickens have lived in harmony with the barn"said obi one hen one

" What's the barn?" asked Cluck

" The barn is a mystic force, a sort of felling thing it gives us are powers. That creates all organic things." Repleyd Obi one Hen one.

"ohh" Sighed Cluck

" But alas the farm has been taken over by the...

Genticaly made Dark side of the barn. Seduced ny lower priced prices, pepole have been buying of the Dark side of the barn. But there is a new hope, there has been a freerange Rebellion, You must learn the ways of the Barn, that is if you want to save princess Layer."

Hologram of princess Layer comes up

" Your my only hope Obi-one " said princess Layer.

"i will do it." Cluck Skywalker.

"Of course you will need to make some friends to help you." Obi one Hen one.

Cluck skywalker gulp's.

Cool music in background Cluck goes to sit down neer to pepole"

"My name is Han chicken I here you are looking for a pilot to help you find your way round the farm, ill help you pluss i have the best co pilot in the world Chuckebbaca!"

"Raggrh" said Chuckebbaca.

(Three hours later...)

"Hey look out for those tie fighters! Hey there heading for that small moon!"

said Cluck

"That's no moon, that's a egg." obi-one.

Everyone "The Death egg!"

"Raggrh!"

( have 2 go edit and finish soon later)

i am writing this very strange passage for points

ansd in those day's burger's took bits out of you!

gag gag gag gag gag gag!


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Last edited by ConorR on Wed Apr 04, 2007 8:22 pm; edited 1 time in total
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Kain1234   View This User's Portfolio
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PostPosted: Thu Mar 29, 2007 7:06 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

gd, but loo through for punctuation and spelling eg flite - flight

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TL G-Wooster   View This User's Portfolio
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PostPosted: Thu Mar 29, 2007 8:15 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

I like the bit about Princess Layer Laughing but you really must add punctuation, capitals, put this out more clearer and spellcheck it. Otherwise people critiquing this are gonna come down on you like a ton of bricks. Wink

I'm sure you can see where you need punctuation and capitals, so I won't crit. I'll just add that you need to double space between your lines of dialogue.

-ST

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ConorR   View This User's Portfolio
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PostPosted: Sat Mar 31, 2007 10:48 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

havent had time to edit!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
meow

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PostPosted: Sat Mar 31, 2007 10:50 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

why do you lie about your age Kain1234

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PostPosted: Thu Apr 05, 2007 12:35 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Not Non-Fiction by any stretch.


Moved.

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PostPosted: Thu Apr 05, 2007 6:36 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Thank u 4 moving safe!

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PostPosted: Sat May 19, 2007 12:48 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

I...don't know what to say--it was weird, it was hard to follow, it was not the good weird.
It was really strange and the lack of punctuation made it harder to follow--I'm sorry, but I really didn't like it that much.

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PostPosted: Thu Oct 30, 2008 10:58 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

ok then...

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This thread was created on March 29, 2007

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