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This thread was created on March 25, 2007
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Chasing Rainbows Chapter 3

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Vernon   View This User's Portfolio
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PostPosted: Sun Mar 25, 2007 4:04 pm    Post subject: Chasing Rainbows Chapter 3 Reply with quote

Alexzander ran to the main tent as fast as he could. He finally arrived and pulled the tent fabric back. He saw a few of the circus master's older performers. Sitting in stands holding his Mother. He listened in.

*******************

“Well, well, well you probably want to know why I brought you here, under such heinous circumstances?”

Mellissa struggled in vain.

“But it seems my goons got a bit carried away, and because of this, I have to clear up loose ends, but an acrobat of you’re caliber wouldn’t go away anyway my dear Mellissa.

“What?!? You killed my Antio. How could you?”

“Mellissa, oh Mellissa, wish you’d listen, my hired thugs killed him. Anyway, these were very hard to get into the country and even my influence throughout the area I still need a jolly good defense to stop myself being jailed.”

Mellissa then screamed, “Who hired the thugs? Who’s responsible for their actions?”

“Mellissa, you can’t blame me for the men doing, I tell you what if you agree to be my wife I could have Jacob killed.”

She laughed sarcastically, “I’d rather sleep with snakes, than be anywhere near you, you slimy rat.”

She continued, “Trust me Jared, out of all the slimy disgusting things on this planet, you’re the worst I've met.”

Jared unfurled his whip and struck her on the face. “Mellissa, this your last chance, be my wife or else you’ll be humiliated beyond measure and killed.”

She looked down looking as if she was about to cry. Then, with resolve in her eyes, she stood up. A man ran over and grabbed her arms locking them behind her. She threw him over her head and into the arena. The man screamed as he sailed through the air, then landed with a hard thud.

Another bigger man immediately ran over and pulled her hands back behind her. Jared then unfurled his whip again and then ripped the back of her top off. Mellissa struggled vainly , knowing, full well she could never throw this guy. Jared smiled slyly and whipped her naked back. Mellissa cried out.

It felt like she was on fire all over.

Jared continued striking her back once more. He whistled a tune while he struck her back repeatedly. He then stopped and looked at Mellissa’s expression. The bitch wasn’t crying. He looked at his handiwork her back was red with blood and pain. What does it take to break her goddamn spirit?

Mellissa's body was on fire, but she wouldn’t give him what he wanted, she wouldn’t beg for mercy.

Jared grinned “Mellissa I know you’re thinking as long as your children are okay you won’t talk, but I’m afraid their a snag within this plan, for you see I have taken Tea to be my wife and Alexzander he was beat to death with his father.”

Mellissa cried out, “My children, everyone I love are all gone or dead?”

Jared crowed and cracked his whip on her back, her pain invigorating him.

She screamed out for it to all end, she wanted to die. Jared cackled at her pain and cracked his whip harder on her naked back.

Mellissa collapsed, landing on the floor. Jared kicked her sides.

“Get up bitch, your torment is not over yet.”

Mellissa wept, her whole body felt like it was on fire, and he expected her to get up. Oh Antio, I wish you were here now, and not lying beaten to death, with our son.

Jared kicked her body again, “Get up you pathetic bitch, no one refuses Jared, you shall rue the day you refused me Mellissa.” He bawled cracking his whip over her already scarred and bleeding back.

“Well Mellissa want me to say anything to Tea when I see her, anything like I love you or anything…” Jared sneered curling his whip up.

Mellissa wiped her eyes and carefully stood up. Then she did a perfect cartwheel over to Jared and kneed him hard between his legs. Before anyone could stop or grab her, she stood up and swan dived, straight into the ring; she landed, crumpled in a broken heap.

Jared grabbed the person who had been holding her and threw him off. He screamed “Damn, goddamn it!!”

****************

Alexzander watched in stony silence as his Mother willingly killed herself. Her death playing in slow motion over and over in his head. Alexzander saw as the circus master brought a barrel of pitch and begun to spread it over the stands and ring, making sure he missed no spot. Alexzander was just about to go when he saw the ring master leave through a flap in the tent and a lit match fly in.

Alexzander ran fast, looking back just in time to see the big top burst into flames.

He ran fast to the caravan realizing he had nothing left, nothing at all. He would leave and get a job or something; he sprinted to his caravan, pulled a rucksack from under his bed, and stuffed valuables inside. He opened his wardrobe to find some other clothes he could wear, Nothing… All that was in were various bright sparkly costumes. Alexzander slammed the wardrobe shut and sped to the dinner tent. When he arrived it was burning, he could hear screams and cries from inside and saw a figure run out completely doused with fire screaming, “God help us, please god help us all!”

Alexzander begun to run to help them, but more came out and started running towards him screaming, “Help us, God please help us.” He tried to tell them to back off, and that he’d get help somehow. They wouldn’t listen; they just kept running at him, begging for help promising impossible things. He didn’t want to do what he had to, but they wouldn’t stop coming. He drew out a sword from his bag, and swung in defense; people didn’t stop coming. The sword sliced through the badly burnt torso of one, sending blood spattering in various directions.

Alexzander ran looking and dropping his father's sword with a clatter. He needed to find somewhere, but by now the circus master had lit all the buildings on fire.

He saw all the burning figures fall down dead, he remembered a kid in town once saying, "Daddy, the circus is the funniest on the planet, don't you think?" He had news for that kid, no one would listen, the circus master had too many friends in high places. He’d lost his whole identity in a single night.”

He ran away from his once home all his family were gone, Tea had probably been burnt alive in caravan. Alexzander sighed sadly tears forming in his eyes, if only he had known he was to lose all, he would have asked her. Alexzander pushed his fringe away from his eyes and trudged off from his life.


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Last edited by Vernon on Thu Apr 26, 2007 3:51 pm; edited 2 times in total
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Magyk   View This User's Portfolio
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PostPosted: Sun Mar 25, 2007 4:34 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Quote:
He finally arrived and pulled THE tent fabric back. He saw a few of THE circus master'S older performers.


Quote:
and because of this, I have to clear up loose endS


Quote:
“What?!? You killed my Antio. How could you?”


Quote:
Anyway, these were very hard TO get into the country


Quote:
you’re the WORST I'VE met.”


Quote:
Jared then unfurled his whip again and then ripped THE back of her top off.


Quote:
Mellissa'S body was on fire,


Quote:
“Mellissa I know you’re thinking as long as your children ARE okay you won’t talk,


Quote:
Alexzander watched in stony silence as his Mother willingly killED herself.


Quote:
he saw the ring master leave through a flap in THE tent and a lit match fly in.


Quote:
Alexzander slammed THE wardrobe SHUT and sped to THE dinner tent.


Quote:
Alexzander ran looking and dropping his father'S sword with a clatter.


Quote:
but by now the circus master had lit all THE buildings on fire.


Add in the bold words.

Quote:
She looked down looking as if she was about to cry.

Not quite sure about this line. I think it sound arkward with looked then looking.

Quote:
What does it take to break her goddamn sprite?

I think you mean spirit not sprite



I really like it so far but you seriously need to work on your joining words and plurals. Kepp it up though.
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Riedawriter23   View This User's Portfolio
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PostPosted: Tue Mar 27, 2007 6:19 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

I just love this story! Everything is so different and unexpected. I hope Tea didn't die! The brother/sister love thing was really cool it would be sad if it ended now.

Great job on description as well, I can quite literally viualize all of this happening and it's obvious that I've never met nor seen your characters before. lol

I hope to read more soon.
Keep it up Vernon!
~Rieda

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PostPosted: Thu May 24, 2007 12:28 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Good description, I can see what's going on really well, however the grammar mistakse throw me off a little, so that's something to work on-the kind of stuff that Magyk pointed out. Other than that, good job.

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PostPosted: Fri May 25, 2007 1:40 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Aside from a few minor errors, like missing words and commas, it's very nice! Bravo!

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This thread was created on March 25, 2007

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