Topic ID: 1462
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Duskglimmer
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 Posted: Sat Feb 19, 2005 8:56 pm Post subject: Stargazer |
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She stares off
Seeming to see beyond our reality
She is a dreamer
She is a stargazer
I am a dreamer too
But I dream of what I could have done
She dreams of what she will do
I walk through life backwards
She walks forwards
I look through the rearview mirror
She looks though the windshield
I'm always staring at the ground, making sure that my feet are planted firmly
She looks to the sky, imaginin what it would be like to fly
Just for once
I wish I were
A Stargazer |
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Skye
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| Posted: Wed Feb 23, 2005 2:00 pm Post subject: |
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Awwww...this is very cool. I like how you compare the two, especially the car analogy, for some reason that seemed really cool. Overall, I liked this a lot, and I could relate to it really well (I"m a Stargazer, lol.).
Nice job! |
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niteowl
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| Posted: Thu Feb 24, 2005 2:56 am Post subject: |
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| I like it, and I can definitely relate. I am sometimes a Stargazer, but usually I'm not. Just one thing: maybe you should break the last two lines into two lines each. |
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Buscador!
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| Posted: Thu Feb 24, 2005 3:02 am Post subject: |
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Very nice Dusky, as always.
I only have one thing, and that is this;
In the second stanza, fifth line "I walk bforwards, It just seems like it is too short and not powerful enough...I have no clue how to fix it, but that's what I noticed. |
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Wulie
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| Posted: Thu Feb 24, 2005 6:01 pm Post subject: |
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This is great I love it  !!!
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I walk through life backwards
She walks forwards
I look through the rearview mirror
She looks though the windshield |
This is great, fav part.
This poem wasn't week at any point always powerful loved it ! |
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haina
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| Posted: Thu Feb 24, 2005 7:25 pm Post subject: |
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I look through the rearview mirror
She looks though the windshield |
Thats such a lovely thought. I like it. |
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Duskglimmer
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| Posted: Mon Feb 28, 2005 12:06 am Post subject: |
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Thanks y'all!
Hunter - I really couldn't think of anythign that needed to be said in that line... the fact that we're walking through life was established in the first line, so I didn't need to give a location, and I think you get a pretty good idea of HOW the Stargazer walks from the rest of the poem... |
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Sam
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| Posted: Mon Feb 28, 2005 12:28 am Post subject: |
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| I thought this was really provacative and inspiring. However, you kind of break that kind of YOU GO GIRL!! attitude and make it clunky by using the word 'dream' way too much for your own good. Lol, if you just fix that, it would be great. |
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Eslyssa
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| Posted: Mon Mar 14, 2005 10:42 pm Post subject: |
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Wow, this is really amazing. I'm impressed. I agree, though that you might be a bit repetitive with the vocabulary you used. That said, I quite like the simplicity of your poem and the images it conjures up.Thought provoking and...well I'm not sure how else to describe it. It is most definately mysterious, which is good. It just makes you stop and think.
Cheers,
Eslyssa |
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Areida
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| Posted: Tue Mar 15, 2005 4:32 am Post subject: |
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I loved it. All and all it was very powerful and had some great descriptions/metaphors.
Loved the windshield/review mirror thing.....very original thought. May I steal it? *prepares to steal Dusky's original thoughts*
Dusky: No Areida, you can't have it.
Me: Are you sure? Oh well. I guess I'll just have to continue with my lavish praise of this awesomelyfied poem.
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I'm always staring at the ground, making sure that my feet are planted firmly
She looks to the sky, imaginin what it would be like to fly
Just for once
I wish I were
A Stargazer |
Ah! I can completely relate to this! My dad is always telling me I need to take responsibility and start growing up.....so I could really relate to this part....I'm a Stargazer at heart.
Marvelous job.
~*~Areida~*~
PS- Stop writing so well, you put us all to shame! Well...me at least.  |
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hekategirl
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| Posted: Tue Mar 15, 2005 4:51 am Post subject: |
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| Wow, this is amazing. Very beutiful. And I agree with Sam when she says you break away form the YOU GO GIRL! kind of attuide. The rear sheild mirror thing was great. This is extrodanary, very well done. |
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Duskglimmer
is happy in anywhere but there
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| Posted: Tue Mar 15, 2005 3:41 pm Post subject: |
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Thanks y'all.
| areida07 wrote: |
| PS- Stop writing so well, you put us all to shame! Well...me at least. |
Yes ma'am. Will do ma'am. Whatever you say ma'am. |
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The robbed that smiles, steals something from the thief. ~William Shakespeare, Othello
Boo. SPEW is watching. |
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