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This thread was created on January 10, 2007

Kazoku Kodomo ((Naruto Fanfic))

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Moriko Saki
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Age: 17
Joined: 10 Dec 2006
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Country: United States
300 Points

Posted: Thu Jan 11, 2007 3:44 am Post subject: Kazoku Kodomo ((Naruto Fanfic))

Got this idea from a few different fanfics and my own obsessions w/ Iruka being my godfather, much like my love for Serious Black in Harry Potter. Summary: A young mix blood transfers to a new high school in hopes of living with her unknown godfather that her mother had spoken of in her will after her death two months ago. Will she be adopted into a new family with this mystery relative and special friends or will the child welfare take her away before she has the chance to bloom again. Kazoku Kodomo Preface- Family Child The death of her last family member has been announced. Her face, her past is pasted on television, newspapers, and radios all across the country. The Graves family ‘clan’ was left with one heir, a lonely 15yr old girl. Raised and stitched into the Rebellious Federation or rather known as the Divine Empire in the corporation world. The federation was a combination of her mother’s Revolutionary and Royal Empire of States and her father’s Economic Collective. They were rivals in the last few centuries but when her parents both became the head 'criminal minds' of the two and joined them their federation was the fiercest in the world. She knew everything about her family’s federation and was professionally and legally ready to take over the organization on her own. But the possession was for when she turned 19 and she was not prepared. The Child Welfare ‘Inhumane Child Suffocation’ as she referred to them as was fighting to deny her family’s claim and reputation. The ‘bastards’ were foolish to fight against the organization that controlled most of the federal government. So what if she was alone and only at the ripe age of 15, as long as she was heir and she was mentally prepared she could do anything just like her mother said. However even in death her mother was holding her back. She had forced her to learn everything that dealt with the government and the organization three times over since she was a toddler. Now she was sending her away to Japan to live with her unknown Godfather whom she had known to never exist. She changed schools, skipped first year, was on the student body committee, she had been reduced from the proper heir to a powerful organization to a heartless high school teen and to ne living with a man whom she had no interest in. She will learn as the fight to tear her away from her new life to an adoption agency that she should not take her friends and her family for granted as she thought she was. She will use her family, friends, and her loyal organization to take back her life and crush the child welfare insects like they deserved. She was the infamous- Nicole Joni Graves. A/N: This is just the PREFACE people so please understand that there is more to this story than the preface. I’d like to dedicate this two three people: Suko-Chan lone-arctic-wolf (lone-arctic-wolf’s version of Kakashi) --------------------------------------------------------------------------------
_________________ 3Ways to figure out if you're in love: 1} Think of a life without [ever meeting] HIM. 2} Think about HIM as 'only being friends' for the rest of your lives. 3} Think about HIM being your boyfriend. so... do you love him as much as I do/did??? Last edited by Moriko Saki on Thu Jan 11, 2007 5:50 am; edited 3 times in total

writergirl007
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Age: 17
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Posts: 138
Reviews: 113

300 Points

Posted: Thu Jan 11, 2007 4:34 am Post subject:

It's good. A little confusing near the end. Read back over it and see where you can clarify it. Keep writing. I'll be back to see the rest of the story as soon as you have it posted Writergirl
_________________ "It is better to save than to destroy, and that justice is most righteous which is tempered by mercy." Mark Twain

Moriko Saki
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Gender:

Age: 17
Joined: 10 Dec 2006
Posts: 3
Reviews: 2
Country: United States
300 Points

Posted: Thu Jan 11, 2007 6:14 am Post subject: Kazoku Kodomo 1- Furui Kazoku

Dedicated to: Suko-chan lone-arctic-wolf (lone-arctic-wolf’s version of Kakashi) Kazoku Kodomo 1- Furui Kazoku “Could you please repeat that?” The heir to the Rebellious Federation had never said anything twice and had never been told anything twice; it was the Graves family way. Dale Lowe, Mrs. Graves’ (deceased) lawyer studied the new heir and returned his steady gaze back to the packet of papers gathered neatly in his hands. He knew the Graves family fairly well and their protégé daughter was a possible clone of their intelligence, grace, prudent behavior towards others, and their strict rules on their lifestyle and appearance. “As to my only daughter, Nicole Joni Graves, There is a legal guardian that has all legal papers within his hold with all the legal and required signatures. If Nicole is under the proper age of 19 then our entrusted guardian has all rights to her custody. He is her legal Godfather, his name is Iruka Master and his current residence is in Yokohama, Japan-“ He’s words died as the sound of her heart breaking and thousands of questions buzzed in her head. Why had her mother not secured her future in their organization? Even though she was an heir to a powerful federation organization and she surpassed her classmates and she had been beaten into being independent and confident in all she did she was still a child who needed her mother, who needed a mother and father figure, she didn’t have parents, she had teachers and advisers instead of parents, uncles, aunts, cousins, siblings, and a family. She grew to understand that the organization was her family that functioned by everything she did, her family depended on her and her mother was sending her away to Japan to live with some stranger whom had legally agreed to be her guardian after she was born if anything were to happen, where was this person and why had she never had any contact with this person? Well duh, he lived in Japan but there were still ways to meet. “Before my requests are fulfilled I want a notification to the Child Welfare and Iruka Master about the situation with her custody papers. When the notices are sent please fulfill my wishes and afterwards send Nicole to live with her Godfather, make sure that her inheritance is under her name and that she has all access to her resources.” Mr. Lowe finished reading the remains of the will and settled the papers back in the folder where they had emerged from within his briefcase. There was a long silence between the three of them. Mr. Dale Lowe who became Nicole’s lawyer after her mother’s passing, Nicole Joni Graves the heir to her family’s fortune and organization, and Brianna Roy who was responsible for the organization until Nicole met 19 and was capable of taking over the family business herself. There were no tears, she wasn’t a good friend, she wasn’t a good mother figure since she was 4, she wasn’t human but they still loved her. The funeral was scheduled for three day’s time meanwhile Nicole would be put in foster care until mother’s will was fulfilled. Mr. Dale and Ms. Graves said their goodbyes to Mrs. Roy as they descended down the front stairs of the Graves Estate. There was to be a video conference soon after the funeral ceremony but the media leaches were still trying to get a statement from the three. Nicole was going with Mr. Dale to the Child Welfare Adoption Agency to fill out some papers and discuss the actions that need to be put into effect. They stepped into the small black car and rounded the driveway and left in the opposite direction of Mrs. Roy. --------------- It was done. Nicole Joni Graves will be put into a local foster care home and to wait for either a strange couple want to take her home as if she were a homeless puppy or wait for the world to right back on it’s axis and she become the head of her family’s organization. She was at home alone, not the first time but this was different, she was home alone without a blood relative sharing that home with her. There were the maids that were still being paid to do their job until she was sent into East Asia. She would have to have some movers come and help her box and store her things that she would need to Japan when she moved there and meet this Mr. Iruka Master. Just the thought of this man made her head buzz and her blood to boil. To be denied the knowledge of such a guardian existing was a crime in her book. This man was eventually her lifeline and she had never heard of him, surely there must have been traces of him in her mother’s computer in her study. Yes surely there would be some sign that this man was indeed real. She glanced over at her alarm clock sitting on her nightstand next to her bed. It read 11:15PM. One of the maids would be making her rounds shortly but that didn’t matter anymore. Now that her mother was dead and gone she would no longer have to sneak past her maids in waiting to prowl around the house after curfew, she was now head of the estate and the maids would have to answer to her. It’s true that there are bright sides to her mother’s death; everyone that knew her also knew that it was true that in some way everyone had a bright side to her passing. Nicole was no exception, there were things as a child that she wanted to do, to be like normal kids but of course her mother and father forbid everything, there would be no tears at her funeral and no one expected there to be. Nicole threw on her lavender silk robe over her solid grey pajama suit, collared short sleeved top and long expandable bottoms, she walked out of her room with confidence, and she detested being scowled by her maids. Slipping down the stairs from the second floor where the bedrooms were she slipped down each step with the grace inherited by her mother. Through the dark she found her way into the office hall were there were four large offices, two for both her mother and father. Her father, Tracey Stanton Graves, had died from influenza, the flu, hard to believe of course but he wasn’t very that year and his immune system was very poor and once he got worse he just couldn’t get better. She was six and he was 32 and it’s funny life can just snatch someone’s life away without a second thought. That was the day that she was introduced to the company as the official heir to the Rebellious Federation family. Draining her thoughts of her late father out of her mind the stiffly walked past her father’s office and meeting office. Further down to the left side was her mother’s personal office and her meeting office. She needed to hack into her mother’s personal computer, you wouldn’t really call it hacking since her mother had given her every code and piece of information that kept them alive, she would use her photographic memory to good use and track down her so called guardian. Her fingers typed like the wind as she searched through millions or locked files. She had been staring into the heart of the organization for an hour and ever square inch came up empty. Suddenly she stopped, it couldn’t be that simply…could it… She exited out of all the windows and did something no one would have thought of doing, she used the manual search engine installed with the windows. The little yellow god popped up on the screen and she typed in ‘Master Iruka’ and sure enough there were 5 pages on the man. With the click of the button she started the process of printing out the information. This man would no longer be a mystery and she might find something to blackmail the poor sucker with. The computer screen lit up with the 5 windows flashing up onto the screen as they printed, one in particular caught the young heiress’ eye. It was a digital image, a picture, of her father, mother and another man. She had to say that the strange man was good looking, delicate black eyes, long high tied brown hair, a smile that couldn’t be imitated, and one flaw but a unique flaw that made this man charming, a scar, it reached from the inner corner of his left eye over the bridge of his nose and rested on the inner corner of his right eye. The date on the bottom right corner of the picture stated that the picture was taken many years before she was born. Her mother had cold dead eyes and a almost sinister smile, she was still slim and had a pale completion against the light. Her father was as handsome and as tucked in as she remembered him to be, his eyes light with the future and a faded youth from work in the acceleration lane, him in his suit, her in her light red dress, and the middle man that looked no older than 8 or so, why would there be a kid with them, they looked really close as well. Was this their first child before herself? That would be impossible right? Wouldn’t it? She searched the picture thoroughly looking for a sign that she was wrong. Then she noticed the boy’s clothes were odd; he was wearing a military uniform, why? Then she noticed a caption at the bottom of the window: Tracey Graves: 26, Master Iruka: 8, Nikki Graves: 24 That was 7 years before she turned six. Surely this wasn’t their son but he had to be something to them for them to look so close. An annoying beeping told her that the printed had completed it’s job and she turned the computer off. Stacking and stapling the pages together she made her way back to her room upstairs. ~Kazoku Kodomo ~wWw~ Family Child~ I hope you enjoyed this first chapter, I’m sorry that it’s short, it was only 4 pages. I found that writing this like The Thirteenth Tale is difficult because I have never written a piece like this before. I hope that you like my story and please review but refrain from flaming at me Thank-you.[/i]
_________________ 3Ways to figure out if you're in love: 1} Think of a life without [ever meeting] HIM. 2} Think about HIM as 'only being friends' for the rest of your lives. 3} Think about HIM being your boyfriend. so... do you love him as much as I do/did???

writergirl007
Senior Writer

Gender:

Age: 17
Joined: 10 Nov 2006
Posts: 138
Reviews: 113

300 Points

Posted: Fri Jan 12, 2007 4:41 am Post subject:

It's good. I'm glad you decided to continue it. The heroine is exactly the kind of character I like. There was only one major (actually it's kind of minor) mistake that I saw. The sentence, "Slipping down the stairs, she slipped..." Make it more clear. And don't repeat slipping. Use a different word. I do believe there was a little bit of confusion when you talked about the offices' locations. And, I know she is a strong girl, but maybe give her a hint of emotion. Or make it more plain that she is cold hearted. Such as, "Even though her mother died, her cold heart felt no remorse over the loss of her buisness partner." Something along those lines. (although that isn't really good.) Just my suggestions. Writergirl
_________________ "It is better to save than to destroy, and that justice is most righteous which is tempered by mercy." Mark Twain

Moriko Saki
New Member

Gender:

Age: 17
Joined: 10 Dec 2006
Posts: 3
Reviews: 2
Country: United States
300 Points

Posted: Tue Feb 06, 2007 2:38 am Post subject: 2- Eki Massugu (Station Straight Ahead)

A/N: Sorry this is late but I’ve been a busy little writer. This chapter is dedicated to: Rayvn Writergirl007 This story is dedicated to: Suko-chan lone-arctic-wolf (lone-arctic-wolf’s version of Kakashi) Kazoku Kodomo 2- Eki Massugu ---------- Page 1 or 5 From: Nikki Graves <MissRF_DevineEpire@hotmail.com > To: MasterDolphin_Sensei@yahoo.com Sent: Sunday, June 12, 1988 10:38:46 AM Subject: Dear Mr. Iruka, It has come to our attention at Rebellious Federation Organization that you had come in contact with the Economic Collective Corp. in the past. You were a regular customer and a valued client. We would like to inform you that the Economic Collective Corp. is going to be merging with Revolutionary & Royal Empire in three months. We would like to ask permission to move your account to the Rebellious Federation Organization after the merge with the two corporations. You may also withdraw you account and transfer elsewhere but we at Economic Collective Corp. will continue just a valued business relationship with us during this merge and many years in the future. Thank you for your time and your trust in us. Sincerely, Mrs. Nikki Graves P.S. we have viewed each of our accounts for informing of the merge and I must question your profile for certain entries that I feel are suspicious. I’d like to speak with you soon about this matter, thank you again. ---------- So this Master Iruka was a client at her father’s corporation, that answered some questions, but why was it her mother who had e-mailed this man? What was on his profile that made her suspicious of him? She needed these questions answered. It seemed that the more she learned the more questions appeared but you would guess that it would be expected. She skimmed over the next few pages; a frown engraved into her angelic face, not one, the other three pages were about business, his profile wasn’t there, there was no talk about his relationship with either of her parents. Were those documents destroyed? Or just Hidden somewhere? “Miss Graves? What are you doing in your mother’s office? You shouldn’t be in here.” One of the more older maids had snuck up on her and confronted her “Please return to your room, you have a lot of packing to do and such.” The maid said waiting for Nicole to leave. “I expect my breakfast in the morning and my bags packed before dinner.” Nicole said coldly brooding. The maid locked the office door after her and made sure that Nicole made it to her room. The maids would have to find new work soon. She would tuck herself into bed as she has done since she was little, she knew more than the average teen, heck she even knew more than the average adult, and she was cold, colder than the iceberg that sunk the Titanic. She cared for only herself, her company, her parents, and her competition. But now it was all gone, it was all gone, two more days and she will be non-existent. For a moment, just for this moment she is glad to be alone so that no one could see her tears as she pulled her comforter over her head. ---------- Next Day: “Thank You Kathleen, I’m here outside the Graves estate where the last of the Graves is currently in a meeting with her lawyer and the head assistant of her late parents’ federation. We’ve been told that Mrs. Graves will be moving to Sry this is uncompleted but this is a preview, and yest the lady who is talking is a reporter"
_________________ 3Ways to figure out if you're in love: 1} Think of a life without [ever meeting] HIM. 2} Think about HIM as 'only being friends' for the rest of your lives. 3} Think about HIM being your boyfriend. so... do you love him as much as I do/did???

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