There’s this thing about the past. It always catches up with you, nomather what. You may think you forgot it, you may think you have no more strong feelings about what happened and you probably think that since the taste isn’t lingering in your mouth anymore, everything that happened is forgotten.

Well, you are dead wrong. The past will never be forgotten, and if things were left unsaid, and truths untold, it will hunt you down.

That’s what I learned today, and it wasn’t a fun lesson to learn.

I didn’t like that jump my stomach made when I saw him, because it proves to me that he’s not buried in my memory like he should be. Because that twisted butterfly feeling told me he’s not buried at all, or forgotten, like I thought. Maybe he was just hiding, just out of my eyesight, and just when I thought he was gone, he popped up, reminding me of his existence again. Before today, when I looked back which I didn’t do very often, it all seemed to me like a blur. But now I realize that I was the one who sponged it, because now that he’s back I remember everything that happened clearly, and my feelings are right there, guilt, passion, with a bitter hint of loneliness.

I thought that night was forgotten, buried in my mind. Today made clear that it wasn’t. I could see it all happening again, I could even feel the lust again. But what I felt the most was guilt, the sense of betrayal. Because my past is the last thing Bryan deserves. Bryan is my boyfriend, and we have been dating for a few years, and he knows me like no other, but he doesn’t know about this dark part of my past. Dave was gone and forgotten, or at least that’s what I thought. He was gone but he’s back, and he was forgotten, but now he’s been remembered.

He's back.