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Incandescence
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 Posted: Mon Dec 18, 2006 5:09 am Post subject: How to Write Poetry |
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After being requested multiple times, here is a short guide to help you on your way to becoming a Poet. First, you have to know what words to use. If you were a carpenter, would you build a house using driftwood? Of course not! So don't go building your poetry using driftwords. Throughout this instructional essay, I will drop words like pieces of bread (hereafter denoted by an asterisk) leading you out of the driftwood forest of bad poetry. Here is one made of solid oak: "tendrils". Just look at it. Maybe you're thinking, "Is that some type of pasta?" No, it's a word! And not just any word, it's a poetry-word! Here's an example:
Her hair fell like *tendrils into the *maw of *night.
Not bad, eh? And look, we've got two more. "Maw" is just a fancy way of saying "mouth", but if you're going to write a poem about visiting the dentist, make sure you say something like "That son-of-a-bitch (it's okay to cuss profusely in poetry too!) yanked the diseased tooth right out of my *gaping maw". Notice the use of "gaping" here. The two are often seen together. And let's not forget "night". This simple word is the poet's lonely friend. The friend who walks down a deserted road, kicking pebbles across the *fecund path of life. The friend who holds the poet's hand in the dark: night. Let us not forget him. Or her.
I'll get back to the use of seasonally popular words, but right now I'd like to talk about something that is a bit of a secret in most poetry circles: Indentation!
Let's say you have a fairly boring couplet like this:
She left a coffee
stain on my tabled heart
Yawn, right? Now watch this:
She left a coffee
stain on my tabled heart
Can you say New Yorker? You've just gone from coffee house amateur to professional just by hitting your tab button a few times. If you look in your better-known poetry magazines, you'll often find examples of every day poems dressed up in these suits. If clothes make the man, then indentation makes the poem. Don't take my word for it, try it yourself! And hey, if you like suits, then you can try formal poetry. Don't worry if the free verse folks make fun of you. Formal poetry is the new black this season. They'll still be wearing hand-me-downs while you're sporting a fancy new sonnet.
Another great way to be a certified poet is to write about poetry. Nothing says you're a poet better than penning an ode to your favorite pastime. Whatever you do, make sure you place the word "Poem" in your title. Here's an example:
Poem about a Horse named Poetry
You'll notice I killed two birds with one stone there. Who wouldn't publish that?! If this fails for some reason, try writing about yourself. Who is the most interesting and good person you know? You, of course! If you do decide to go this route, try using the following formula (it's not fail-proof, but it should get your rolling):
I did this
Then I did that
And when I sat back from it all
I had this insightful and somewhat ambiguous thought
Please beware of something called "adjectivitis". I see this often . A poem can become sick and diseased if you don't use enough adjectives. I like adjectives. I also like sugar. I have a whole box of sugar cubes next to my coffee maker. Do you think I use just one sugar cube in my coffee when I have upwards of 80 at my disposal? Hell no! Sometimes I'll use two, three and if I'm really hung-over, then I'll use four. Do you see my point? We all have at least 80 adjectives sitting in our collective sugar-cube boxes. See what happens to this ordinary cup of a poem below with just one cube:
She was a lovely person
One lump or two?
She was an ugly, sad, horny, lovely person
Next up is the use of simile and metaphor. These are what car-bombs are to terrorists. Without them, you're nothing more than an angry person with too much religion stewing in their bottom and who can't afford a rocket launcher. See how I did that? I compared the terrorist with the poet. You are the terrorist! Plant your homemade word-bombs along the roadside of your audience's mind and let them rip! Ka-blooey!! If you do your job right, you'll have innocent corpses strewn about everywhere.
So what's the difference between a simile and a metaphor, you ask? Let me give you an example to illustrate this very subtle, yet important difference.
Two Figures of Speech Walk into a Bar
Simile: I'll have, um, like a beer
Bartender: You got it. How about your friend here?
Metaphor: I'll have an *iridescent hand masturbating
my soul
Bartender: I don't think we have that
Simile: I'm sorry,
He'll have, um, like a whiskey
I hope you get it. If not, you're like, an idiot.
That's pretty much it, though there are a couple more things you should know before sitting down and creating your first masterpiece. Maybe you've heard of something called a "muse". Don't worry about this. These used to exist back in Shakespeare's day, but they haven't been seen since. What I suggest is a good night's sleep, some bacon and hashbrowns, a good cup of coffee, some quality time in the bathroom (if you catch my drift-sorry if you do!) and bingo- you've got yourself a muse.
Has anybody died in your family lately? Maybe a close friend? Why not turn it into poetry! You probably went to the funeral and it wasn't very much fun. Well what are you waiting for? Write a poem about it! Or maybe you have a journal laying around full of sad thoughts about that guy who cheated on you with your hot deaf sister. Surely, you say, that can't be poetry-fodder. The answer is: Why the hell not?! Copy it down word for word, indent here and there, maybe indent again just for dramatic emphasis at the part where he tells you right in front of your hot deaf sister but she pretends not to be able to hear (but you know she really can). And what do we have here? A poem titled: My Hot Deaf Sister is a Poem I Hate.
Another idea is to write a poem about a famous photograph, but don't tell anybody what the photograph is. A good poem should be able to stand on it's own two legs. If you explain the poem (say it's a photograph of Babe Ruth), then you are essentially taking a baseball bat to its knees and crippling it for life. Don't do that. Unless, of course, you are writing poems about the handi-capped. If that's the case, then batter up!
Once you've actually written your poem, you should look for the heart of your poem. The heart is the central focal point of the piece, the place that pumps blood to the other parts of the poem. Many beginners often mistake the leg for the heart. It's easy to do. A good way to avoid this is by placing your ear against the poem and listening for the "ba-dum, ba-dum" of creativity. When you find it, stick a pin in it so you can find it again later.
You're going to hear a lot of writers talking about something called "Revision". I wouldn't recommend it. It's basically like going in for a haircut, having them cut maybe two or three hairs, then you go outside for a cigaret (or bon-bon depending on your pleasure), the walking back in and asking them to cut two or three more hairs. Rinse and repeat ad nauseam. Why bother? Just write one big hairy poem and let it be. Think of it as that Japanese (who knows what it's called!) art where broken stuff is more beautiful because it's flawed. Think how many beauty-marks your poem will have if you don't revise it!
And finally, online poetry workshops. These are places you can show your poetry to other poets who will then tear your poem apart, disembowel it like a rabid pack of beret-wearing dogs, vomit it back up into a new and improved version of your original poem. This is just worthless. They're just mean and want you to be suicidally depressed. I do not recommend it at all.
Before I go, here is a list of words (and an example poem) that you should become familiar with if you decide to go down this glorious road we call Poetry Lake.
*tiny- use this whenever you want to use the word "small". How much more poetic is "her tiny earlobe" when compared to "her small earlobe"? You're not going to get laid writing like that!
*rictus- "the editor's mouth broke into a blinding (like "gaping maw" this usually accompanies "rictus") rictus when he saw this prize-winning word."
*Latin (anything)- know what the Latin word for "peach" is? Me neither. Make one up. Who's going to know the difference? How many Latin teachers have you ever met? Exactly.
*pomegranate- see usage below
Example Poem
Listen to the tiny
night time
As the pomegranate balls
descend in lust
into the gaping maw
that is our strange, brutal, nice love.
Fear not the iridescent
rictus of word;
It will lead you by the
dendroaspis hand
of eternity.
Lastly,
to
make
any
poem
really
poetical,
use
one
word
lines.
Hell, white space costs nothing & neither do ampersands.
Also to show it's a real poem, inversions do not neglect.
With these in your arsenal, you should be indestructible! |
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bubblewrapped
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| Posted: Mon Dec 18, 2006 5:40 am Post subject: |
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Incan, you know you're insane, right?
Otherwise, though -- very funny  |
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| Posted: Mon Dec 18, 2006 5:47 am Post subject: |
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Thank you, O Great Incan. I shall follow these like a stick follows bacon!
...ooo. I'm being poetic already!  |
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| Posted: Mon Dec 18, 2006 4:54 pm Post subject: |
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| I bow to your genius, Sir Incan. XD |
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Chandni
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| Posted: Mon Dec 18, 2006 10:20 pm Post subject: |
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And she flatters as she exposed her shiny teeth through her maw 
Bow to sir Incan indeed
Brings joy to my eyes Brad
Cheerios, Chandni |
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Wiggy
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| Posted: Thu Dec 21, 2006 9:12 am Post subject: |
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Funny. One of the most enjoyable articles I've read on here! I like this light side of you, Brad. You should show it more often.  |
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| Posted: Fri Dec 22, 2006 3:56 am Post subject: |
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kekekeke....I <3 it.
Especially
| Quote: |
| Once you've actually written your poem, you should look for the heart of your poem. The heart is the central focal point of the piece, the place that pumps blood to the other parts of the poem. Many beginners often mistake the leg for the heart. It's easy to do. A good way to avoid this is by placing your ear against the poem and listening for the "ba-dum, ba-dum" of creativity. When you find it, stick a pin in it so you can find it again later. |
Hehee...I had a mental image of a pin sticking up out of the paper with the ink running around it XD
Well done, helpful, and amusing to those who can already write poetry, but I <3 it!
~Chibi |
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| Posted: Sat Dec 23, 2006 5:09 pm Post subject: |
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I'm not completely sure what to take away from this reading... XD
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Let's say you have a fairly boring couplet like this:
She left a coffee
stain on my tabled heart
Yawn, right? Now watch this:
She left a coffee
stain on my tabled heart |
And, I see no difference in those two! |
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| Posted: Sat Dec 23, 2006 8:03 pm Post subject: |
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| Claudette -- I noticed that. I thought it was just me being blind though... Hehe. |
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