Stop The Scrolling Header | Enable the Scrolling Header

Username:    Password:      Log me on automatically each visit    
Runaway : The Journey of thieves {chapter 2}
Runaway : The Journey of thieves {chapter 2}

by angels-symphony in Fantasy Fiction
Young Writers Society Forum Index » Non-Fiction

This thread was created on January 28, 2005
Post new topic   Reply to topic
Digg It Del.icio.us


The Great Depression

Topic ID: 1071
View previous topic :: View next topic  

Were you able to visualize what it was like to be this person?
yes
37%
 37%  [ 3 ]
no
62%
 62%  [ 5 ]
Total Votes : 8

Author Message
marching_gurl89   View This User's Portfolio
your unoffical liberal talking history book
Master of the Forum

38
Gender: Gender:Female
Age: 19
Joined: 31 Dec 2004
Posts: 1067
Reviews: 38
Country: i think i'm supposed to be somewhere.well if i cant remember it can't be that important
300 Points

PostPosted: Fri Jan 28, 2005 8:28 pm    Post subject: The Great Depression Reply with quote

We had to do a lyric analsis for history.I did it completely wrong.But she loved what I wrote.

See-people waiting in line at soup kitchens that have one of the most depressed looks on their faces.The clouds that hang in the sky that match are emocitions.

Feel-the dirt and grime on my body and the clothes that are torn and tattered.

Smell-Warm soup cooking at the soup kitchen that makes me even more hungary.

Taste-As I wait in line at the soup kitchen I can just taste the soup in the air.

Hear-people crying as the have to go to the office of relief.The boss telling me that I am out of a job and the factorys closeing.As i walk out of the boss' office I hear the factory sputter to a stop.The mortage officer telling me that he has to foreclose my house.People yelling at tellers saying that they want their money.The tellers then say the they have run out of money.

Feel-being knocked to the ground as I wait to withdraw their money.

Hear-children asking for more food and the parents having to say that there is no more food.

See-people leaving their homes and heading for somewhere else where there might be jobs.But there is uncertainty on the parents faces not knowing where they can go.People holding up jobs saying that they will work for anything.Children playing with whatever they can find.People sleeping in cardboard boxes.The parents giving wahtever food they have to their half starved children and parents even thinner that there children.

Feel-the feeling of an empty stomach that has not had a good meal in a very long time.not having a warm shower and all that dirt in grime build up on my body.The cardboard box underneath my body and the only thing protecting me from the outside elements.

Hear-all of the rain coming down on to the roof of my only home,my box.

Smell-The waste just festering in my box because I have no toilet.

See-All of the other boxes around me in this little town and all of the faces that hope for a better day when this little Hoovervill will not be there home.


_________________
~*~Peace, Love, and Protesters~*~
I'm not off beat!I'm marching to the beat of my own drum
I rock my socks
Hippielicious the bold new flavor from caroline
JFK BLOWN AWAY WHAT ELSE DO I HAVE TO SAY!!!!!!!
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message Send e-mail Visit poster's website AIM Address Yahoo Messenger MSN Messenger
hawk   View This User's Portfolio
Novelist

19
Gender: Gender:Female
Age: 19
Joined: 21 Nov 2004
Posts: 260
Reviews: 19
Country: QLD, Australia
300 Points

PostPosted: Sun Jan 30, 2005 6:37 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

i chose no. It didn't seem to flow so well, and think you need to add a little more description.

"People yelling at tellers saying that they want their money.The tellers then say the they have run out of money."

as an example, i think you could have worded it a little better. but you didn't do a bad job of it, writing in set senses like that is quite challanging.

_________________
"Meanwhile everyone wants to breathe and nobody can; and many say, 'We will breathe later.' And most of them don’t die because they are already dead." -- Graffiti of the events of May, Paris '68
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message MSN Messenger
Areida   View This User's Portfolio
party party party like it's 2009
Epic Novelist

703
Gender: Gender:Female
Age: 19
Joined: 14 Feb 2005
Posts: 4848
Reviews: 703
Country: no, not really. I don't have a hick accent or anything.
300 Points

PostPosted: Mon Mar 14, 2005 5:26 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

I chose no, but it has wonderful potential.

Quote:
See-people waiting in line at soup kitchens that have one of the most depressed looks on their faces.The clouds that hang in the sky that match are emocitions.


What about: See. People waiting in line at soup kitchens, depressed looks on their careworn faces. The dark gray clouds that hang in the sky match their emotions.

Quote:
Hear-children asking for more food and the parents having to say that there is no more food.


Try: Hear. A gaunt child's stomach rumbles louder than the thunder in the sky. "Mother," she whimpers. "I'm so hungry,"
"I know, love," the mother replies tiredly. "But there isn't any more food."


Anyway, those are just suggestions, but I think you get the drift. Great start. Laughing[/i]

_________________
Got YWS?

"Most of us have far more courage than we ever dreamed we possessed."
- Dale Carnegie
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message Visit poster's website AIM Address
Display posts from previous:   
This thread was created on January 28, 2005
Post new topic   Reply to topic
   Young Writers Society Forum Index » Non-Fiction All times are GMT
Page 1 of 1

 
Jump to:  
You cannot post new topics in this forum
You cannot reply to topics in this forum
You cannot edit your posts in this forum
You cannot delete your posts in this forum
You cannot vote in polls in this forum
You can attach files in this forum
You can download files in this forum
This thread was created on January 28, 2005

Graphics By Bobo | YWS Sword & Shield Logo by Bobo
Bartemius says, Useless laws weaken necessary laws. Charles de Secondat, Baron de Montesquieu
Contact | Memberlist | Copyright Policy | YWS Store | Site Map
Facebook |  Goodreads |  Live Journal |  MySpace |  Wikipedia

© 2004 - 2008 The Young Writers Society