Topic ID: 6996
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Incandescence
If you've nothing nice to say, come sit with me.
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 Posted: Thu Jan 26, 2006 11:59 pm Post subject: Mathematical Poetry |
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I guess somewhere in the midst of integration
we accidentally differentiated the wrong line, because for a while
I was on a trajectory I couldn't stop and it was twisting and turning
[my stomach] on the paper,
but the pencils wouldn't erase it.
Two semesters and a summer later you're back in my life,
but this time there are no integration factors or complex numbers
to work through. We aren't taking partial fractions
[of our emotions] to solve the problem or doing direct
substitutions to find our limits; instead, we're fooling around
with real feelings and real projections. We've ditched the math
but we both know in the back of our minds
the first prime is 2. |
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Snoink
Snuggly
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| Posted: Fri Jan 27, 2006 1:48 am Post subject: |
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Awww... this is so sweet!
...I think I am in love with you now. 
It's just... when I read it, I got this sudden picture of your stomach flopping on my kitchen table and twisting about it in a peculiar manner. Perhaps you ought to use a different body part? |
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xanthan gum
gummyface!
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| Posted: Fri Jan 27, 2006 2:09 am Post subject: |
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oh, god - i think i'm in love with you, too. very sweet.
the mathematical jumble was a bit much to work through, but it all made sense.
i agree with snoink on another note, as well - the stomach thing...i get it, it's real, but i got a similar images. except i imagined all of this in my odd little 8th grade algebra room, rolling across gray desks =]
more spaces, maybe, too? or maybe big paragraphs just scare me.
ending = perfect. |
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Duskglimmer
is happy in anywhere but there
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| Posted: Fri Jan 27, 2006 5:27 pm Post subject: |
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| I am really bad at critiquing poetry, so I usually don't even take the time to comment on them around the YWS, but I just needed to stop in and tell you how much I liked this. I loved all the mathematical references and I didn't find them hard to follow at all. It all flowed together really nicely and the last line was just perfect. Really, nicely done. |
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Empress Kat
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| Posted: Fri Jan 27, 2006 6:08 pm Post subject: |
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| Math? Love? Poetry? I hardly knew the three could mix so well, so naturally. |
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Elizabeth
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| Posted: Fri Jan 27, 2006 6:11 pm Post subject: |
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What Empress Kat said. And for everybody's information, I loved him first 
No, just kidding, everybody loves brad.... *looks around* |
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PsyLynx
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| Posted: Fri Jan 27, 2006 9:33 pm Post subject: |
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| I dig the last bit. Some of it is...well, forced. I suppose it would have to be, but it's just, I donno, to a level that turns me off a bit. I mean, don't get me wrong, I think this is good--well, it's you, and you're a good poet. But it's also just sort of this pretty little love poem thing that everyone writes ten thousand times before they die, even if they're not poets, and so I can' like it for that reason as well. A forced poem in a cliche category. It's a tribute to your talent that I still think it's good. |
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innerbeauty555
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| Posted: Fri Jan 27, 2006 9:50 pm Post subject: |
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I agree with most of the comments made. This was excellent. It's very sweet. Keep writing! 
-*-*--Diana--*-*- |
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timjim77
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| Posted: Sun Jan 29, 2006 2:59 am Post subject: |
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| I liked it. One thing I would have preferred was if you never mentioned the actual love, and just insinuated it through the metaphor of math. I think there was one line in there that didn't. Nice work. |
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