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What Real Vampires Would Do
What Real Vampires Would Do

by Poppy Mare in Romantic Fiction
Young Writers Society Forum Index » Fantasy Fiction

This thread was created on January 26, 2006
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Related Items
Possible Related Items Follow:
Dragon Knight Legacy - Prologue
Dragon Knight Legacy - Chapter One: Early Childhood
Dragon Knight Legacy - A Terrible Mistake (2/2)
Dragon Knight Legacy - Chapter Three: The Dragon Who Speaks
Dragon Knight Legacy - Chapter Four: The Legend Retold
The Dragon Knight Legacy Prologue (Remake)
The Dragon Knight Legacy Chapter 1 (Remake)
The Dragon Knight Legacy Chapter 2 (Remake)
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The Dragon Knight Legacy Chapter 7 (LAST POST)

Dragon Knight Legacy - A Terrible Mistake (1/2)

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PostPosted: Fri Jan 27, 2006 2:34 am    Post subject: Dragon Knight Legacy - A Terrible Mistake (1/2) Reply with quote

After Kai brought Karen back home, he decided he should start heading back as well. The fresh afternoon breeze and the sense of change from winter to spring were making Kai depressed. He never liked good weather, he was always happier on a cloudy day than on a clear day. Kai always thought it was a trait given to him by his demon father. The only thing that made him feel better was that the ground underneath his bare feet was still wet and muddy from last night's rain, although he knew Drake would yell at him for traking mud into the palace.

He passed by an outdoor tavern. He noticed an important looking man sitting at one of the tables. Three armored soldiers accompanied him. Their weapons were stacked up against the wall of the tavern behind them. Kai continued down the street. The guy shouted at Kai's back, "Hey, half-breed! How does it feel to know your mother was raped by a demon?" The soldiers laughed along with him.

"You're not going to take that are you? Show him you mean business!"

An uncontrolable rage emerged from Kai's gut. He turned around and marched to their table. The men seemed amused by Kai's reaction, at least until he smashed his fist into their table. The rock hard wood of the table shattered like glass around Kai's fist. One of the many splinters from the table lodged itself into one of the soldiers' eyes. The soldier screamed in pain and fell off his chair. Kai grabbed the guy who made the remark about his mother by the scruff of his shirt. "Get up!" Kai's voice was deeper and scarier than it was before. He lifted his arm and tossed the guy a good four yards into the muddy street. The soldiers scrambled to their weapons as Kai marched over to the man in the mud.

A crowd started to form around the perimeter of the street. The man tried to get up to his feet, but kept slipping in the mud. He tried to crawl away from Kai, whose eyes were emanating pure anger. Kai stopped in front of the guy. His ears twitched as he heard the soldiers behind him load their crossbows. He grabbed the guy and made him stand up. He hugged his left arm around the man's neck and faced him towards his soldiers. The soldiers didn't fire their crossbows for fear that they would hit their boss. Kai lifted up his right hand and arched his fingers. Sharp, stubby claws shot out of his fingertips. They sounded like five small daggers being unsheathed as they broke through Kai's skin. The people around them gasped as they saw his claws, which were soaked in his own blood. He pressed his bloody claws against the guy's neck, threatening to puncture the skin. All Kai did was let out angry growling noises, but everyone knew what he would do if the soldiers didn't back off. The soldiers with the crossbows started to back off, but they didn't move their crossbows away from their target.

"Good job. Now, all you have to do is finish him off."

Kai thought to himself, Finish him off? I don't want to kill anyone. Wait... what am I doing? Kai became consious of his surroundings. He saw the hundreds of horrified people staring at him. He heard the distant clatter of armor-plated soldiers in the distance. He felt the man who insulted him shivering in fear under his arm and crying under his breath. He then saw his hand, he was mortified when he saw the blood soaked claws. As soon as Kai realized what he was doing, his eyes were no longer emanating pure anger. Instead, they were emanating pure fear.

Traumatized, Kai released his grip, stepped back and watched the man drop to the ground with a grunt. He heard two loud, simotaneous cracks and then he felt two objects pierce into his shoulder and chest. The force of the objects knocked him to the ground. The pain was almost too much for Kai to even stay conscious. He looked at his body and saw two crossbow bolts imbedded at least two inches into his body. Silence filled the air. The footsteps of palace soldiers got increasingly louder; he thought the guards were coming to help him. Kai's vision became blurry. The only thing he could see was the fuzzy images of two palace soldiers looming over him.

One of the guards spoke, "He sure made our job a lot easier. You think we should just take him back to the palace?"

The other soldier replied, "No. King Kuri ordered us to kill him as quickly as possible. We'll finish him here and dump him in the forest."

Kai's vision went completely black right before he felt the cold steel of a sword pierce through his stomach...


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Last edited by Dynamo on Fri Jan 27, 2006 1:59 pm; edited 2 times in total
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PostPosted: Fri Jan 27, 2006 3:49 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Ahh, and unfinished ending! Where's the rest of the last sentence?

At first, I thought this was going to be a Harvest Moon fanfic (are you familiar with it?), seeing as the names of the main characters are the name of a couple in the game. Though I don't usually read these types of stories, I kept reading because this was very well written. It really was. One thing I would suggest is more dialogue to break up the lengthy discriptions--or just more breaking up of paragraphs as is. I have a hard time reading things in a block. -Scratches head-

Anyway, nice work. : )

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PostPosted: Fri Jan 27, 2006 5:08 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Yes, I agree 100%. This one was very well written. A lot of action and suspense. Go, go Inu Yasha! Er... I mean Kai. Embarassed Hehe... Laughing

It appears Kai isn't aware of his claws, nor has absolute control over his anger. This should be interesting, hehe.

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PostPosted: Fri Jan 27, 2006 1:58 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

for those of you who read this part of my story before I could finish it. My dad kicked me off his computer last night so he could do his work, so I had to finish it this morning. Sorry to keep you waiting.

I'm breaking up this chapter into two parts so people wouldn't get so discuraged because of the length of the chapter.

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This thread was created on January 26, 2006

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