z

Young Writers Society


12+

Those Three Words

by Ley


.

.

Text Version:

It's extraordinary how much I love you,

but I wish I didn't,

because maybe then I'd be more than broken pavement,

I let you step all over me until I'm dirty, and rugged.

.

If I keep talking to myself,

I'm scared I'll lose my mind to your justified,

actions of discipline and abandonment.

But you know I love you,

so it doesn't matter.

Right?

.

Why is it that whenever we say those three words,

people take it for some sort of flattery?

I'm simply stating a fact,

exercising my human right of free speech.

.

But you don't do the same.

And that hurts, because when I said those three words,

I meant it.

Is this a game to you?

.

I look up to you more than you think,

I watch as you put your dress shirt on,

and comb back your hair with expensive gel.

If I could, I'd tie your shoes for you,

and admire you as you thank me.

.

I adore the way you carry yourself,

how you shrug at the slightest inconvenience,

how your voice changes when you're speaking on the phone,

the simple things.

.

But you only adore me because I said those three words.

Note: You are not logged in, but you can still leave a comment or review. Before it shows up, a moderator will need to approve your comment (this is only a safeguard against spambots). Leave your email if you would like to be notified when your message is approved.







Is this a review?


  

Comments


User avatar
84 Reviews

Points: 7053
Reviews: 84

Donate
Tue May 14, 2024 4:17 am
View Likes
Moonlily wrote a review...



Hello Hello I hope you dont mind me coming in with a review. I will also apologize if this isn't as in-depth as normal. If I am not mistaken and correct me if I am wrong but I read on your wall this might be based on your life, I do hope things get better if so. I feel you did a very good job portraying these feelings the start is nicely vivid and the end shows the longing well. The small details you use sound in some ways how my partner describes me when they try to cheer me up, and the same love I try to give back so the admiring comes out super well.

If there's anything I would give feedback on besides the points others have given has to do with capitalization. For example, the word but has capitalization and other times not. I am sorry if this is a stylistic or grammar thing I am not picking up on.

ex:

" But you know I love you,"

&
"but I wish I didn't,"

Regardless I wish you and your family the best of luck. Take care of yourself and keep writing!




Ley says...


Hi! The reason for the caps is because after a comma, I treat it as a sentence. Anything that is a continuation of a sentence I just leave lower-case! But thank you <333 I appreciate it!



User avatar
10 Reviews

Points: 404
Reviews: 10

Donate
Mon May 06, 2024 11:06 pm
View Likes
twilight1205 wrote a review...



First things first, THE TITLE!!! absolutely LOVE it. It leaves you guessing, especially because when people are talking about "those three words" we automatically assume its "I Love You" but instead of choosing that as your title, you kept it mysterious which leaves a lot of room for interpretation which I believe is the true heart of poetry. In the first stanza I absolutley love the line " I let you step all over me, until im dirty and rugged". The diction in this line is so strong! Especially with the word LET! It gives the speaker power but also weakness. This is amazing! I cannot wait to see what else you come up with!




User avatar
250 Reviews

Points: 15440
Reviews: 250

Donate
Thu Apr 25, 2024 8:21 pm
View Likes
EllieMae wrote a review...



Time for a Black Cat Review!!



MEOW! Hello, friend! My name is Ellie and today I will be reviewing using my very own Black Cat Review Method! It is very similar to the incredible YWS S'more Method but I have Halloween-ified it and made it spooky! My little black cat friend, Vladimir, wants to offer his opinion on your amazing literary piece:

Mystical Witch Hat - What I See, Observe, and Interpret

First impression- this is so incredibly beautiful, Leya :D I love the painting at the top! Is it yours or where did you get that, so so pretty!

It's extraordinary how much I love you,

but I wish I didn't,


This is such an awesome opening. The first line really got me- wow, a love poem how sweet! And then reading the second line really changed the way I thought about it. This is not just an 'I love you' poem. Three words can be so much more than those three. Perhaps 'I hate you' words too.

But you know I love you,

so it doesn't matter.

Right?


I love how you included the 'right?' at the end. That makes this poem feel so much more like a conversation. That really brings out the heartfelt, confrontational, heartbroken, in love, everything in between-ness of this poem. Well done with that. I thought the tone was very clear and your voice is very strong.

And I wanted to mention the same thing here:

I meant it.

Is this a game to you?


I love the progression of this poem. We start out with what seemed like a love note, but now it is so much more. This is a confession of love, yes, but it is also a confession of hurt and heartache and a longing for this person to do more. I see so many people, situations, past and present, in these words. Good job writing relatable poetry!

Vladimir’s Advice - Suggestions for Improvement

I'm scared I'll lose my mind to your justified,

actions of discipline and abandonment.


This section stood out to me. It is a beautiful sentence, but the comma after the word justified threw me off a little bit. Justified actions seems to flow better than justified, actions.

how your voice changes when you're speaking on the phone,

the simple things.


Perhaps adding a period instead of a comma after the word phone. I love how flows your poetry is and how it carries on from line to line, but perhaps using periods and commas in a way to show literal phrases. For example, a period represents an end, which a comma represents moving forward. So maybe a period after phone would show some of that emotion.

Jack O’Lanterns - My Favourite Parts and Praises

I adore the way you carry yourself,

how you shrug at the slightest inconvenience,

how your voice changes when you're speaking on the phone,

the simple things.

.

But you only adore me because I said those three words.


I really love this ending, Leya! I love the contrast of love and hate in this poem. I enjoyed how you ended by listing things you adore, but closed with that statement of loneliness, also bringing back the 'three words'. Brilliant job with that!!

Black Cat Cuddles - Concluding Ideas and Thoughts

Thank you for sharing this lovely poem! I love the visual of it too. So well done!!

Your friend,
Ellie

I hope you have a spook-tastical day, filled with black cat mischief!




Ley says...


Thank you Ellie <33 it means a lot!



Ley says...


Oh, and I got the pic from Pinterest xD



EllieMae says...


It is so cute!! Fits this so well :D



Ley says...


thank you, friend <3




If you have a dream, you have a duty to make it come true.
— Marco Pierre White